Tuesday, August 16, 2022 Aug 16, 2022
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A Daily Conversation About Dallas

Chris Woodward Didn’t Win. That’s Not Why the Rangers Fired Him.

Mike Piellucci
By |
Chris Woodward departs just shy of his 500th game managed. Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

The Rangers’ decision to fire Chris Woodward isn’t as simple as pointing to his four losing seasons in Arlington and calling it a day.

Perhaps it would be in another sport, under a different ownership group, but modern baseball amounts to a handful of teams determined to win running up against plenty more merely open to the concept, and the Rangers positioned themselves as the latter far more often than the former during the bulk of Woodward’s tenure.

Local News

Community Police Oversight Board Members Square Off Against Dallas Police Association President

Bethany Erickson
By |
Mike Mata, president of the Dallas Police Association.

Some members of the Dallas Community Police Oversight Board pushed back last week against Dallas Police Association president Mike Mata’s claims on a local talk radio show that they say disparaged the board.

Mata, the head of the police department’s largest union, made the statements on WBAP 820’s The Rick Roberts Show on August 3. On the conservative radio station’s website, the description of the discussion reads: “210 police officers shot in the line of duty so far this year, 46 of them ambushes. All the BLM and ‘hands up-don’t shoot’ nonsense, these stats are no surprise. Mike Mata, President of the Dallas Police Association, joined Rick Roberts to talk about this dangerous trend of hating on cops that doesn’t seem to be slowing down.”

On the show, Mata castigated the board for judging officers without understanding “what we do, nor have they taken any educational courses on our policy, our use of force continuum, or what our use of force (policies) are.” Mata also claimed that the board’s information on procedures and policy came from handouts.

Both board chair Jesuorobo Enobakhare and member Brandon Friedman disagreed with much of what Mata said on the show. 

“Mr. Mata is definitely peddling false truths,” Enobackhare said.

Summer Fiction

Dallas Summer Reading Series: Wait For It

Logen Cure
By Logen Cure |
Google Maps

The rainbow crosswalks were sun-faded. Cameron was vaguely surprised, remembering the headline on Instagram, the vibrant photos of fresh paint. How long ago was that? What is time? The signal at Oak Lawn and Cedar Springs finally clicked to Walk, and Cameron took a long exhale, approaching the Legacy of Love Monument that towered into the glow of the evening sky. It was hotter than she expected for November, and a single bead of sweat slicked down her sternum. 

She tried to remember the last time she was here: Stevie’s bachelorette party at Sue’s. Stevie’s asshole friends thought it would be funny to make her wear one of those sparkly straight-girl sashes. Cameron remembered pulling Stevie onto the patio, handing her a cigarette, and tying the stupid sash into a double Windsor. Cameron’s last clear memory of the night was straightening the collar of Stevie’s preppy sky-blue polo and kissing her cheek, asking, “Is that better, handsome?” before Stevie slipped back into the pulsing lights of the dance floor. 

That seemed like a lifetime ago, another world. Cameron couldn’t imagine stepping on a dance floor now. She remembered the thrill of being packed shoulder to shoulder with so many other queer folks, but now the thought made her throat tight. The pandemic had spawned nightmares of crowded indoor places with no escape. She had told herself it would feel good to be back in the neighborhood, and, besides, where else would she want to meet up with Devin after all this time? 

Local News

Leading Off (8/15/22)

Zac Crain
By |

Aqib Talib’s Brother Named as Suspect in Shooting of Youth Football Coach. Yuqub Talib, the older brother of the former NFL cornerback, was at Lancaster Community Park. He’s a coach for the North Dallas United Bobcats, who were playing the D.E.A Dragons on Saturday night. The kids are 9 years old. An argument started between the coaching staffs and then Mike Hickmon, a coach for the Dragons, was shot. He died. Police say they are looking for Yuqub Talib.

Will Zalatoris Nabs First PGA Tour Victory, Moves Into Top 10 In World Rankings. He made it through a wild finish to get the win. Zalatoris has come close a bunch, so this was clearly a relief for the Plano resident.

Sebastian Lletget Notches a Pair of Assists in Big FC Dallas Win. The midfielder joined the team August 3 and made his first appearance at Toyota Stadium Saturday night. He looked good in the 4-1 win over San Jose.

Cowboys Getting Into Regular Season Form. They lost to the Broncos but showed they are getting Mike McCarthy’s system by racking up 17 penalties.


Where Do I Sign for an Over-the-Top Rangers Closer Entrance?

Mike Piellucci
By |
Would Mets closer Edwin Diaz be nearly as dominant without the greatest entrance in the sport? Doubtful. Mandatory Credit: Vincent Carchietta-USA TODAY Sports

The Rangers need a badass closer entrance. A badass closer, too, but let’s keep our eyes on the prize, people. Because while late-game dominance may feel like a distant memory as Texas shuffles through its fourth season of mediocrity at the position—possibly longer if you got less mileage out of Keone Kela’s half-season in 2018 than I did—the Rangers have had their share of great ninth-inning guys over the years.

What none of them had, though, was an entrance like this:

That’s Mets closer Edwin Diaz, the game’s gold standard both at his job and his arrival to the mound. Seriously, did you watch that? Do you now harbor the strength of a thousand horses and the urge to storm a castle?


I Took Care of the Coyotes. You’re Welcome.

Tim Rogers
By |
hazing coyotes
Nate Creekmore

First thing I did was make the coyotes carry around at all times for my personal use a tin of dip, a bottle opener, cigarettes, and a lighter. And the lighter had to be blue. That was important. When all the stores in Dallas ran out of blue lighters, the coyotes had to go to Garland to find them. If the coyotes are going to say that was inhumane, then maybe they should learn to avoid this human. That’s all I’ll say about that.

Then I made the coyotes drink milk. Lots and lots of milk. I know that’s old school, but I don’t mind being labeled old school.

Did I make the coyotes do an elephant walk? Do I even know what an elephant walk is? We can let the courts sort this out, if that’s the direction you want to go. Let’s just say the Ringling Bros. got nothing on me. 

You know what happens when you put 20 coyotes in a darkened room and then light that room with only a strobe and force the coyotes to sort 3 pounds of ice cream sprinkles by color? Ask the coyotes. 

Local News

Leading Off (8/12/22)

Tim Rogers
By |

Mark Cuban Targeted by Crypto Lawsuit. A class-action suit filed in Florida accuses the Mavs owner and others of fleecing investors with the crypto platform Voyager Digital, which recently entered bankruptcy. If I look smug, it’s because all my money is in Beanie Babies.

OMG! Cowboys-vs-Broncos Fracas! This is the part of the preseason where we’ve all gotten so bored with watching players practice that when they get chippy with each other, it’s huge news.

Good News for Oncor Acreage at White Rock. Remember when Oncor laid waste to about 7 acres of the Old Fish Hatchery Nature Area back in October of 2020? The DMN’s Sharon Grigsby has a follow-up. She talked to some nature lovers, and things are looking better.

Gov. Greg Abbott Visits South Dallas School. He went to the private King’s Academy to talk about school vouchers and say other stuff.

OnlyFans Model Kills Boyfriend. Courtney Clenney stabbed Christian “Toby” Obumseli and killed him. It happened in Florida in April. Honestly, the connection to North Texas is pretty thin. Obumseli lived in Miami with Clenney, but he was from Plano. The story involves the phrase “OnlyFans model,” though, so every media outlet here is duty bound to mention it. Now there’s elevator surveillance video of the couple fighting two months before the killing.

The Dallas City Council yesterday approved a resolution aimed at lessening the local impact of the state’s forthcoming abortion ban.

It was among the laundry list of items up for discussion during the Council’s first meeting back after the body’s July recess. Councilman Adam Bazaldua drafted the resolution, which directs city staff to make investigating and prosecuting accusations of abortion “the lowest priority for enforcement.” It instructs City Manager T.C. Broadnax to not use city resources (except in specific situations) to investigate whether an abortion has occurred.

The resolution—which is similar to so-called Guarding the Right to Abortion Care for Everyone, or GRACE, Acts passed in San Antonio, Denton, Waco, El Paso, and Austin—doesn’t tell law enforcement that it cannot investigate. It just makes doing so the lowest possible priority, which many on Council presented as a way to save police resources.

The measure does not apply to instances where law enforcement officials might need to investigate cases of criminal negligence by a practitioner in the care of a pregnant person, or where force or coercion is used against a pregnant person. 


We’re Really Dallas-ing Dentistry in 2022

Alice Laussade
By Alice Laussade |
Dallas teeth
Michael Byers

A child of the ’80s, my baby teeth were made primarily of Tang and Fruit Stripe gum. Going to see the dentist in Dallas was terrifying, their toolkits filled with aggressive Waterpiks and drills and that weird mouth mold clay that had to harden inside your mouth, forcing you to gag for an eternity to take an impression of your teeth. All teeth-care incentives were nightmare-based. “I didn’t floss” was the headliner of my first confession sacrament at St. Rita Catholic Church. The priest gave me three Hail Marys and a travel-size bottle of brown Listerine. (Back then, we didn’t have the luxury of Cool Mint Listerine. It was character-building, burn-your-mouth-out, alcohol-forward Listerine only. You could spit it out only after you cried a little.)

But now Dallas dentistry is all about making the visit more comfortable. There’s an espresso machine and an arcade and someone making balloon animals in the lobby of the pediatric dentist’s office of my youth. Plus, everything has gone digital. My 9-year-old needed a retainer, and instead of putting him through an unreasonable amount of discomfort, they just took some pictures and 3D-printed the perfect bite-glamorizer for him. He even got to pick the color. (Obviously he chose glow-in-the-dark, which is factually the best of all colors.) 

We’re trying to rebrand dentistry with a new image that’s less dentist from Little Shop of Horrors, more Nordstrom spa. If you’re reading this in a dentist’s office right now, they’re probably about to offer you a set of headphones with soothing playlists to muffle the high-pitched squeals of the drills. Dallas Functional Dentistry’s website says their office even boasts “Soothing textures & colors to feel comfortable and at home” and also “local artwork.” Not sure what percentage of people are drawn to visit a dentist based on knowing that the walls will be cloaked in Sherwin-Williams’ Evergreen Fog and their aunt’s acrylic paint pour art, but y’all are the experts. 

Maybe dentists are going overboard trying to make us comfortable because Dallas is so stressed out all the time. Dr. Randy Sanovich, oral maxillofacial surgeon at Dallas Surgical Arts, says, “Our TMJ Botox treatments went up 60 percent in the last year and a half.” You’re grinding your teeth, Dallas. You gotta cut that out. It’s hard to guess exactly what we could have been worrying about in this perfect world, but it had to be the stress of parking our own cars at the dentist, right?

Dallas Voters to Weigh in on Convention Center Expansion. The Dallas City Council Wednesday approved a measure that will ask voters to OK plans for expanding Kay Bailey Hutchison Convention Center and upgrading Fair Park buildings. The matter will appear on the November ballot.

Child Shot by Unknown Driver. Dallas police said a 10-year-old was taken to the hospital Wednesday afternoon after an unknown driver in a red car shot at the vehicle he was traveling in, striking the child in the foot. The incident happened just after 1 p.m. near U.S. 175 and S. Beltline Road. 

Inflation Rate up in DFW. Dallas-Fort Worth inflation rose to 9.4 percent in July, the Labor Department reported Wednesday. The U.S. inflation rate dropped to 8.5 percent from 9.1 percent in June.

Home Prices Are up, Inventory Slowly Rising. According to July sales numbers from MetroTex Association of Realtors, Dallas County had 1.8 months of inventory last month, compared to the 1.5 months of inventory it had a year ago. Texas had 2.5 months of inventory last month. Five to six months is considered a healthy supply.


Photo Dump (8/10/22)

Zac Crain
By |

We made it past a month and I’m still doing this. A month is sort of an arbitrary milestone to celebrate. To me, these days, if you can do something two weeks in a row, high fives all around and let’s let the social media love pour in. No monologue this week. It’s not the point, and it never was, and it never will be. Photos!


A Pedestrian’s Continuing History of Dallas, Pt. 5

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State Fair of Texas

The 2022 Big Tex Choice Awards Finalists Are Here, and Bucc-ee’s Got Snubbed

Alice Laussade
By Alice Laussade |
The Chicharron Nachos are a “savory” Big Tex Choice Awards 2022 finalist. State Fair of Texas

In a huge upset this morning, Deep Fried Buc-ee’s did not make it into the 2022 Big Tex Choice Awards Finals. The result fractured the current timeline of the State-Fair-of-Texasverse, and it’s unclear what the future holds for Big Tex. Even more frightening, Deep Fried Charcuterie Board is vying for the title of Best Savory in the finals: We have chosen fanciness over beaver nuggets. For this, there will surely be consequences.

Also missing from the finals are Abel Gonzales (AKA Fried Jesus) and Christi Erpillo, two concessionaires who brought Fried Coke and Fried Peaches to the competition, paving the way for this generation of fried competitors.

Will the State Fair of Texas be the same, now that we have chosen charcuterie over beaver nuggs? Will Big Tex be wearing a Vineyard Vines shirt and talking about Bitcoin? Will people be putting ketchup on their Fletcher’s corny dogs? One thing’s for sure: This list of fried finalists had turned The State Fair of Texas world upside down.

Here is your complete list of finalists in the 2022 Big Tex Choice Awards. And a gallery for you to see them all:

Page Cached: 2022-08-16 04:10:01 on http://www02.dmagazine.com