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There are Only Four Reasons to be Married to a Man

| 6 hours ago

This is the list I gave my husband after I asked him to get us Showtime—which will be airing the Kell Brook vs Errol Spence Jr. fight tomorrow, Saturday, May 27 at 4 p.m.—and he suggested I “figure it out.”

The only four reasons to be married to a man:

1. He handles all A/V-related matters, including, but not limited to, comparing clouds on which to upload the 14,000 photos currently preventing further picture taking on your iPhone, procuring one of those itty-bitty weights to make the now-defunct record player spin once again, and definitely, most importantly, setting up Showtime so as to watch the Kell Brook vs Errol Spence Jr. fight tomorrow, Saturday, May 27 at 4 p.m.

2. He whacks the bugs (but not with a rolled-up D Magazine, goshdarnit).

3. He changes the sheets while you rinse the kid when the flu strikes at midnight.

4. Reliable intercourse (verbal and otherwise).

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Podcasts

New Podcast: Texas Monthly Barbecue Editor Daniel Vaughn Talks Leafy Greens

| 6 hours ago

I can’t imagine there’s a journalist in Texas with a deeper expense account than Daniel Vaughn. Texas Monthly dropped its once-every-four-years best barbecue list last week, filled with 50 joints that Vaughn personally verified. That’s a lot of mileage! This was the first time he oversaw the feature himself, which means when staffers reported back about finding a solid hole-in-the-wall in Laredo, the magazine’s barbecue editor booked a rental car. There’s some low-and-slow takes all over the piece—no Pecan Lodge in the top 10! No Slow Bone at all! Better luck next time, Killen’s!—that Vaughn stands behind.

On Thursday, he scooted into the Old Monk to talk these things and more with Tim Rogers and noted vegetarian Zac Crain. Order’s up:

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Music

Attention Tweens: Parker Twomey is 100 Percent Swoon-Worthy

| 8 hours ago

Just because I kissed my tween-age years goodbye more than two decades ago, doesn’t mean I’m not plugged in like a Tiger Beat reader. For example, I’m well aware that Bieber’s voice sounds like buttermilk frosting on steaming hot cinnamon rolls. It didn’t surprise me one bit when Harry Styles hinted he might have the lead in a Mick Jagger biopic. And can I recognize that Nick Jonas sizzles enough to crisp bacon? Of course I can.

So trust me when I say that songwriting wunderkind and Booker T. Washington student Parker Twomey has what it takes to make the Class of 2024-set lightheaded. The catchy melodies, the easy-listening vocals, the wistful lyrics (I mean, he actually has a single called “When I Was Young”)—but more than anything, he’s got the hair. Look at that pouf! What is this called exactly? Maybe, “deconstructed pompadour”? All I know is that he’s achieved at least three inches of lift, which is a talent in and of itself.

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Business

Job Opening at D Custom

| 9 hours ago

The D Magazine empire occupies the top two floors at St. Paul Place. The topmost floor is mostly given over to D Custom, our folks who tell stories in print and digital for some pretty big-time clients. They’ve got a job opening that might interest you. Here’s the full description, and here’s the short one:

D Custom, the content marketing arm of D Magazine Partners, needs a digital Swiss Army knife. Must haves: development chops, an eye for design, a solid understanding of the website construction process, and eternal patience. The last one is probably most important.

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Local News

Leading Off (5/26/17)

| 11 hours ago

District Judge Removed as Enrique Arochi Appeals Christina Morris Kidnapping Conviction. State District Judge Mark Rusch, who presided over convicted kidnapper Arochi’s trail last year, has been disqualified and recused from further proceedings in the case. Arochi filed the motion through his attorney Steve Miears, who accused Rusch of bias, suggesting that the judge “violated Arochi’s due process rights by unlawfully interfering with the attorney-client relationship.” Last September, Arochi was convicted of the aggravated kidnaping of Morris, who has not been seen since Aug. 30, 2014.

DART Could Raise Bus and Rail Fares. One change would phase out two-hour passes, replacing them with a.m. and p.m. passes. The cost would be $3 by August 2018, and monthly passes would go up from $80 to $96. There will be two public meetings—one at Addison Town Hall and the other at Rowlett City Hall—next Thursday to discuss the proposed changes.

Frisco and McKinney Are Two of the Nation’s Fastest-Growing Cities. Which is evident if you’ve sat in Frisco traffic lately. The two cities dominated the U.S. Census Bureau’s list, with Frisco coming in second with a 6.2 percent growth and McKinney at third with a 5.9 percent gain.

Monday is Memorial Day. Here’s how you can observe the day.

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Government

On My Recent Return to Prison and Catching Up With Old Friends

| 1 day ago

A few weeks ago, I was illegally re-arrested on the orders of the Bureau of Prisons after I refused to stop doing interviews with the press, and thereafter placed back in Seagoville Federal Correctional Institution’s J2 detention unit, where I had spent most of 2014 fighting my charges and engaging in mean-spirited literary criticism. During the four days it took before the lawyers hired for me by Dallas fixer Wick Allison were able to find the right person at the BOP to threaten so as to get me released, then, I had a final opportunity to revisit my erstwhile convict lifestyle, as well to collect valuable intelligence on my many enemies.

Before I could begin my sentimental journey back into the Belly of the Beast, I would have to undergo the intake process. This entails being photographed, fingerprinted, and asked a list of questions by which to determine if you might be in danger from other inmates; even if you’ve been here before, the questions must still be asked, and, having been asked, answered. There are exceptions, though. “Have you ever cooperated with law enforcement?” read the staffer. “Oh, right. You don’t cooperate with anyone.” He remembered me fondly, as one does an eccentric neighbor.

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Nature & Environment

This Hawk Is Apparently Hunting for Downtown Lawyers

| 1 day ago

One of the cool things about working in a downtown office tower is that every so often you get to see a hawk fly right by your window. Yesterday an attorney named Christopher Kratovil got this shot of a hawk whose bloodlust will apparently be satisfied only by the carcass of an appellate lawyer. I’m sharing his photo despite Kratovil’s allegiance to Arsenal.

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Leading Off

Leading Off (5/25/17)

| 1 day ago

Dallas City Performance Hall is Getting a New Name. Yesterday, the city council voted to accept a $22 million arts gift from the Moody Foundation. A stipulation of the gift was changing Dallas City Performance Hall to Moody Performance Hall. The name change will happen in a few weeks.

Suzanne Wooten Declared Innocent Over Bribery Charges. The former state district judge had been convicted in 2011 on nine counts, including bribery and money laundering. But yesterday, she was acquitted of all the charges. Her attorney called the whole ordeal a “legal fiction.”

Interim Dallas County Schools Leader Wants Records to be Reviewed. Interim Superintendent Leatha Mullins asked law enforcement officials to review business records for the agency. This will also include a forensic audit of stop-arm camera contracts as well as real estate dealings. “We have completed an audit, refinanced the bonds, reorganized procedures, and there’s a complete team of new leadership including the Board of Trustees. We’ve truly transformed DCS and are moving forward,” Mullins said.

UNT Wary After Multiple Sexual Assaults Near Denton Campus. There have been multiple sexual assaults and attempted assaults northwest of the school, and police are investigating them. They don’t know if one or more people are responsible for the incidents, which entail someone entering homes after knocking or breaking in. An alert was sent to UNT students and faculty advising them to be extra cautious.

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