It’s Friday. That means it’s time to hear about Jim Williamson’s adventures! I know. I promised on a stack of shelter magazines that I wouldn’t talk about, you know, bodily stuff anymore, but does flying international make anyone else gassy? No? Now on to the highly anticipated recap of my spring adventure or what could also be called “The Great Grappapolloza,” as I was introduced to this sweet nectar from various regions and of varying ages by our ever-so-pleasant host for the holidays. They say a grappa a day keeps the doctor away. It also does wonders for jet lag by making you completely forget you have it. I just wanted to point this out now because my recollection of certain events might be slightly altered. We will also have to make this the first of a two-part series or Laura might decide to beat me with a gondola.
Anticipating some possible travel-related drama (Please reference every international—and domestic, for that matter—trips I’ve ever taken.), I made sure to remember Jimbo’s “Three P’s for International Travel”: pillow, pills, and plugs (earplugs). I should have also added “parka,” as the plane was so cold that I was sure the airline was trying to cryogenically freeze me so I wouldn’t age on the voyage. When you have traveled by plane, train, bus, boat, foot, and ferry all within a 36-hour period, these must-haves make a huge difference.
Home base for our spring adventure was Lugano, Switzerland, which is also the home of our ever-gracious hosts and sweet friends. Having friends who have already visited the cities you are about to see and who also like to do the same things you do makes a huge difference on the vacation rating scale.
The city of Lugano lies near the border of Switzerland and Italy at the foothills of the Alps. It surrounds Lake Lugano, which has waters so pure that it provides the city’s drinking water. Some call it the “new Monte Carlo” of Switzerland. I’m not sure about that as my last visit to Monte Carlo left a little to be desired. I can tell you that, instead of a Starbucks on every corner, you are more apt to find a high-end watch or jewelry store. So as far as that goes, it could be true.
The views are spectacular, with each turn presenting a postcard-worthy view. It really is that beautiful. You begin to wonder if the Department of Tourism orders a fluffy cloud to float over the quaint village at the exact moment you pull out your iPhone. It isn’t entirely out of the realm of possibility because these people are very efficient. But these views come at a premium price. Want a modern three-bedroom flat with a lake view and roughly 1,600 square feet? Plan on paying around $3.5 million. Want a villa on the water? You can plan on paying between $20 million and $75 million—the latter of which is the rumored amount that Mark Zuckerberg plucked down for his place in paradise.
We also visited Bellagio, Lake Como. No sighting of George or the new fiancée, but we did enjoy a delicious lunch. We saw some other beautiful cities that ended in “agio.” This was about the time the jet lag began to sink in. The fog could also have been caused by our regular afternoon visits to Aperol Spritz, but let’s just blame jet lag.
On day four we headed for the world’s most romantic city, Venice. I found it fascinating that in the time it takes to drive from Houston to Dallas I traveled from Switzerland to Venice. I will definitely take the Switzerland-to-Venice drive any day. Anyway, it was my first trip to Venice, and spring is definitely the time to go before the onset of tourist season and summer heat. Since my first impression of Venice was formed by the movie classic, Summetime, I decided I would retrace Katharine Hepburn’s steps in that film. I have a few things in common with her character: we are both middle-aged and prudish.
I made most of it happen. We stayed in an old villa where we had a pretty large suite of rooms. It was charming except for those beds. They were so hard that it felt like I was sleeping on my heart (which is made of stone, obviously). But we were there to see things, not sleep, damn it. We wandered the streets and canals, and we got lost wandering those same exact streets and canals. We hired a boat to take us through the Grand Canal. We even made it to Harry’s Bar, reportedly the home of the Bellini. You can definitely skip that part. It was nothing like the movie except for the extreme smallness of the place. I also skipped a few other parts of the film like falling into a canal nor did I make out with an exceptionally attractive, married Venetian antiques dealer on the island of Burano.
However, I did make out with a very attractive married person. He’s married to me. My favorite part was walking in the Piazza San Marcos at sunset. It really is spectacular, and it wasn’t crowded, which I hear is a rarity. There was an orchestra playing the overture to La gazza ladra, just like the movie. I was in B-roll heaven, lapping up the atmosphere until someone approached and said, “Bonasera. It will be 6EUR per person to listen to the music, plus an additional 16EUR per drink per person with a two-drink minimum.”
I rank the food in Venice as a solid C for now, but I have more exploring to do. The super touristy restaurants are just okay. They are cranking out food for hungry tourists. And the oldest restaurant in Venice? Meh. The bread definitely tasted like the oldest bread ever. The bean soup was delicious, but otherwise, I think it was an off night. We had the most success, when we ventured off the beaten path. The asparagus lasagna with the homemade pasta at the quaint restaurant in a residential neighborhood was heaven. And then there was the restaurant that took the work of three iPhones and an iPad to find. It was actually quite close to the hotel, but we almost gave up as all the twists and turns and confusing streets combined with growling stomachs were almost too much to handle. But then we saw someone exit a back door on a nondescript corner of a street. We had found the restaurant we were looking for—except it was the kitchen entrance. But after getting to the right place, we had a delicious meal, lots of laughter with friends, and a Grappa tasting, and my love affair with Italy only became more intense.
So that’s Part One. Not too shabby, right? Next week, we will discuss Part Two: The Cowboy and the border patrol. Hope you all have an excellent weekend. And remember, it’s Friday. Get your happy on.
