Dear Cliff Lee:
Hahahaha. I don’t mean to sound bitter after you rejected us, but seriously, ha! I was all ready to just boo you and cast strongly worded, disparaging remarks in your general direction, but you punished yourself.
You and your Phillies pitching buddies are on the cover of this week’s Sports Illustrated. Everybody knows there’s a curse involved with being on the cover of Sports Illustrated. This never would’ve happened if you had chosen the Rangers. There’s nothing really noteworthy about a team signing an ace pitcher. Signing twelvety-hundred of them, though? Noteworthy. Noteworthy enough to get you on the cover of Sports Illustrated, where, as I mentioned before, there is a curse attached.
So you enjoy your so-called better weather and stuff, but remember that this curse probably means your arm is going to fall off or you’ll get a raging case of hemorroids and will never be able to sit comfortably in the team plane again. And when this bad stuff happens, you remember that this never would’ve happened if you had just chosen the Rangers.
Yours truly,
Me
