Photo via Flickr user skysthelimit2

Holiday

Dallas’ 2019 Naughty and Nice List

Here is what we’re getting for some of our favorite Dallasites this holiday season.

We had a pretty good year, so our budget is limited only by our imagination. Here is what we’re getting for some of our favorite Dallasites this holiday season. Merry Christmas and happy Hanukkah.

Kia Sorento
Kia Sorento, $26,290

Errol Spence Jr.
Kia Sorento, $26,290
The Sorento has an undersized cargo hold, but in crash tests the 2019 model earned a perfect five-star overall rating from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. And the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety designated it a 2019 Top Safety Pick+, which is as safe as it gets. No, it’s not a Ferrari, and that’s exactly the point.

Louis Vuitton x Supreme Christopher backpack
Louis Vuitton x Supreme Christopher backpack, $3,900

Phillip Jones
Louis Vuitton x Supreme Christopher backpack, $3,900
Jones recently made a job change and is now the chief destination marketing officer for the Royal Commission for Al-Ula, a region of northwest Saudi Arabia. Obviously he travels a lot. Can you imagine the looks of opprobrium he’d draw if he were spotted at the Terminal D Admirals Club with a Tumi backpack? This collaboration between Louis Vuitton and Supreme offers a capacious interior without sacrificing the luxurious style to which he has become accustomed.

Hanger Project sapele wood shoe trees
Hanger Project sapele wood shoe trees, $215

Eric Johnson
Hanger Project sapele wood shoe trees, $215
Run-of-the-mill cedar shoe trees won’t do for the recently refitted custom Luccheses owned by the mayor of Dallas, who has a degree from Harvard. These beauties were crafted in Northampton, England, using African wood and chrome hardware. Plus, the 40-millimeter center bore generates enhanced breathing.

Marc Newson Hourglass for Hodinkee
Marc Newson Hourglass for Hodinkee, $12,000

Jerry Jones
Marc Newson Hourglass for Hodinkee, $12,000
Newson is a famed industrial designer who has done work for Apple. His timepiece is filled with 1,249,996 copper-coated stainless steel spheres called “nanoballs,” each one just .6 of a millimeter in diameter. It takes only 10 minutes for the nanoballs to drop, so Jones will be reminded frequently that time is running out for his team to win another Super Bowl.

Versace baroque hair scrunchie
Versace baroque hair scrunchie, $150

Lee Kleinman
Versace baroque hair scrunchie, $150
The financial watchdog, with his councilman-in-front-and-mechanic-in-back hairdo, will turn heads at the Horseshoe with one of Versace’s iconic patterns in silk. It’s made in Italy, of course, and it will serve him well at both casual gatherings and more formal affairs. (Update since this story ran in print: For obvious reasons, we’ve returned Councilman Kleinman’s gift.)

Two silver-mitt ferrets
Two silver-mitt ferrets, $700

Kameron Westcott
Two silver-mitt ferrets, $700
Anyone who has seen The Beastmaster, the 1982 movie starring Marc Singer, can appreciate how two wily, telepathically controlled ferrets might create drama in The Real Housewives of Dallas and inspire Westcott to take her pet food empire in an unexpected direction. SparkleFerret will be a big hit in Highland Park. And The Colony.

Kimberly Wolcott Bible
Kimberly Wolcott Bible, $120

Tammy Kemp
Kimberly Wolcott Bible, $120
The state district judge, having done the Charleston o’er the church-state line and found herself short one Good Book, will appreciate this handcrafted, beautifully embellished King James version Bible. It has a bonded leather cover, solid brass stampings, and machine-cut faceted crystals.

One Lotto Texas ticket
One Lotto Texas ticket, $1

Mark Jordan
One Lotto Texas ticket, $1
The developer was convicted of bribing the mayor of Richardson, Laura Maczka, to get a green light on a development deal. Days before their trial, he married Maczka in an effort, according to prosecutors, to show that he’d merely been cheating on his wife and not really looking for a quid pro quo. Due to improper communication between a court officer and a juror, though, Jordan’s conviction was overturned. Is that enough setup to prepare you for this joke? Jordan is so lucky, he’ll hit the lottery.

Articulated Roxy Display mannequin
Articulated Roxy Display mannequin, $439

U. Reneé Hall
Articulated Roxy Display mannequin, $439
Detachable arms will make it easy for the chief to put it in uniform. Properly posed at her desk, maybe holding a telephone to its head, this dummy will conceal the lengthiest of unexplained absences.

Newsletter

Keep me up to date on the latest happenings and all that D Magazine has to offer.

Comments