How to Avoid a Trip in the St. Patty’s Day Paddywagon

In news that will interest Tim, Dallas police announced this morning some changes they will be making to the annual Greenville St. Patrick’s Day parade post-parade street party. DPD Central Division will now be handling the event and will be dispatching more officers to the area to crack down on behavior that has led the Debbie Downer neighborhood associations to complain year after year–namely public intoxication (and the resulting destructive behavior), drunk driving, and illegal parking. Among the changes–which Pegasus News has kindly interpreted for us here–there will now be a motorcycle squad to assist with traffic control, a DWI squad, a sheriff’s office breathalyzer unit, etc. etc. Bottom line: Don’t drink and drive to the parade. Rent a wheelchair, and have Tim push you there.