Not long after the events of this past September, the natty Graydon Carter, editor of Vanity Fair, pronounced, “There’s going to be a seismic change. I think it’s the end of the Age of Irony.”
The news hit us hard here in the Best & Worst department. We brought a cardboard box to work and began packing our belongings (reference material we use to sound smart, a half-empty bottle of Bowmore 30). We figured our services wouldn’t be needed this year. Who would want to read a snooty blurb about the city’s worst pudding? More importantly, at a time like this, what decent, freedom-loving American could write a snooty blurb about the city’s worst pudding?
Then something joyous happened. David Letterman started making bad jokes about Osama bin Laden’s beard. The New Yorker published its annual cartoon issue (one businessman to another in a bar: “I figure if I don’t have that third martini, then the terrorists win”). And Laura Miller decided to run for mayor.
It was then that we understood the reports of Irony’s death had been greatly exaggerated and that it was our job—nay, it was our duty—to crank out the Best & Worst of 2001. With a rush of patriotic zeal, we immediately unpacked our box and got to work on that pudding blurb. Call it our contribution to the war effort. And please enjoy.
Politics & Media
Press of the Flesh
Best: Debbie Does Dallas, a verbatim stage re-creation of the classic 1978 porn flick, was entered in the New York International Fringe Festival and got a glowing review in the New York Times.
Worst: A story in Exotic Dancer, a trade rag for topless bars, described former Dallas City Council member Chris Luna, the keynote speaker at the annual Gentlemen’s Club Owners Expo 2001, as the industry’s “secret weapon” against city ordinances hostile to topless bars.
Investigative Reporting
Best: Dallas Observer columnist Jim Schutze uncovered a “vote brokering” system in South Dallas, wherein campaigns hire people to “help” elderly voters with their absentee ballots.
Worst: For three weeks, Morning News editors held a story about the vandalism of St. Luke’s Methodist Church because it showed that the only suspect in the crime against the black church—which hastened the passage of a Texas hate crimes bill—was a black youth. The story ran only after the Observer broke it.
Radical Platform
Best: Days after winning election to the board of Dallas County Schools, which oversees the bus service to DISD and seven other school districts, Martin Hoffman said he didn’t think the agency was needed.
Worst: Kwania Lynn, a legal administrative assistant, ran for the Dallas City Council but declined to answer questions about her qualifications, saying, “The public can have that information once I’m elected.” She wasn’t.
Idiot Box
Best: Walker, Texas Ranger called it quits after eight seasons of filming in and around Dallas. But don’t cry for Chuck Norris. The bearded sexagenarian still has his Total Gym.
Worst: The Mark Cuban Show debuted in the fall on KTXA Channel 21. We already miss Chuck Norris.
Play of the Race Card
Best: John Wiley Price explained his preference for Anglo city council candidate Ed Oakley over African-American Dwaine Caraway: “You may be my skin, but it doesn’t mean you’re my kin.”
Worst: Maxine Thornton-Reese, a black city council member, urging the mostly black voters of District 4 to choose her over Larry Duncan, a white candidate: “Vote for the one who looks like you.”
Political Endnote
Best: Texas Senator Phil Gramm, who once joked that he did have a heart (“I keep it in a quart jar on my desk”), teared up as he announced he would not run for re-election.
Worst: Indicted for perjury, Gun Barrel City mayor Tye Thomas was so despondent that he popped some Xanax, called 911, and asked to be arrested for public intoxication.
Unraveling on the Public Stage
Best: KLIF AM 570 talk show host Tom Kamb insisted illegal aliens had no rights, therefore “we can shoot them on sight.” He later went AWOL during his air shift and eventually “parted ways” with the station.
Worst: During a legislative session, Sen. John Carona (R-Dallas) poked Dallas Democratic Sen. Royce West in the chest and loudly said, “You arrogant son of a bitch…don’t step on me.” The topic of discussion was courtesy in the Senate chamber.
Self-preserving Rep
Best: Domingo Garcia announced simultaneous campaigns—one for re-election as a state representative, the other for Dallas mayor—figuring he couldn’t lose both.
Worst: State Rep. Pete Sessions (R-Dallas) won a hotly contested race for the 5th District. But when the newly created and solidly Republican 33rd District became available, Sessions switched.
Name-dropper
Best: Dallas insurance executive Charles Terrell petitioned the state prison board to change the name of the Terrell Unit, which had been named after him before it was used as death row. The former chairman of the Texas Board of Criminal Justice said talk of the death-row facility upset his mother.
Worst: After Native Americans protested, the YMCA of Metropolitan Dallas changed the name of Indian Guides and Indian Princesses to Y Guides and Y Princesses. Y?
Dodo Bird
Best: Kramer and Twitch, DJs at The Eagle (KEGL FM 97.1), caused a worldwide panic when they reported that a car accident had killed Britney Spears and left ‘N Sync-er Justin Timberlake in a coma. The DJs were fired for the hoax.
Worst: The Eagle used Timothy McVeigh’s execution to promote the radio station, putting up billboards that depicted Satan giving McVeigh his lethal injection, with the headline “Highway to Hell” (an AC/DC song).
Sign that Steve Blow is Terminally Soft
Best: When the Morning News laid off 73 employees, the ever-compassionate columnist posted flyers soliciting donations for his comrades.
Worst: When the News executed its redesign, forcing his column continuation on another page for the first time, Blow scoured the city for a compelling story—and wrote a column about his column’s continuation on another page for the first time.
Sweet Moonlighting Gig
Best: John Orrell, owner of four Krispy Kreme shops, became the newest member of the Colleyville City Council.
Worst: A police complaint was filed against Bedford mayor and Baskin-Robbins owner John Murphy after he allegedly shoved a woman and her 2-week-old son as he tried to keep them from entering his crowded shop on free cone night.
Best Civic Idea, Worst Artistic Execution
Copying Chicago’s “Cows on Parade” concept, “Dallas Soars” littered the city with more than 100 Pegasus statues, approximately 100 too many.
Life & Leisure
Performance at an Awards Show
Best: Part-time Dallas resident William Reid won the Perry Ellis Award for menswear at the 2001 American Fashion Awards.
Worst: While “hosting” the Academy of Country Music Awards, LeAnn Rimes joked about her numerous lawsuits, spoke ill of her father, and bashed her record label, which sort of made her sound like a spoiled, bratty teenager from Garland. Oh, wait.
Free Meal
Best: Your Mavericks ran up the score against the Cavaliers so that every fan in attendance might enjoy a free promotional chalupa from Taco Bell. The Cavs took umbrage, and a scuffle ensued. Mark Cuban stormed the court and was fined approximately 9,345 chalupas (or $10,000).
Worst: Lakount Maddox pedaled his bicycle up to the drive-thru window of a Taco Bell where he formerly worked and, armed with a pellet gun, demanded all the money in the register. And one chalupa. While it was being prepared, police arrived to arrest him.
Dresser Set
Best: Angie Harmon married New York Giants cornerback Jason Sehorn at Highland Park Presbyterian and looked stunning in her strapless Vera Wang gown.
Worst: While telling a story to a black-tie crowd at the Two by Two for AIDS and Art benefit, actress Sigourney Weaver gesticulated, causing one breast to pop out of her dress.
Comment from a Dallas Zoo Official
Best: Chuck Siegel, deputy director for animal management, on the zoo’s practice of gassing the chicks in the petting area and feeding them to other animals: “…This sort of topic can be emotional for people.”
Worst: Rich Buickerood, director, on the zoo’s needing to make $1.6 million in repairs if it is to reclaim its national accreditation: “The staff is just champing at the bit to get this stuff knocked out.”
Modern-day Rapunzel
Best: Linda Morrow of Garland, who hadn’t trimmed her tresses in 18 years, cut them on the The Maury Povich Show so that her hair could be used to make wigs for cancer patients.
Worst: Two police officers were put on administrative leave when they refused to cut their dreadlocks.
Aeronautical Maneuver
Best: After five years of competing to win the biggest defense contract in history, Fort Worth’s Lockheed Martin beat out Boeing for the $200 billion Joint Strike Fighter program.
Worst: Boeing chose Chicago over Dallas for its new headquarters, apparently unswayed by a thrilling helicopter tour of the city.
Predatory Cat
Best: Taking advantage of the lax security at the Dallas Zoo’s dik-dik exhibit, a wild neighborhood bobcat ate two of the dwarf antelopes and outwitted zoo officials for weeks before being trapped and put on display.
Worst: Relentlessly promoted by WFAA and the Morning News, and obstinately ignored by consumers, the CueCat consumed more than $180 million before it was put out of its misery.
Secondhand Shopping
Best: The plush leather seats, china dishes, and other pieces of Legend Airlines’ planes were auction bargains in a giant garage sale for the bankrupt luxury airline.
Worst: Fran Osborn paid $1 at a thrift store for a mysterious sealed box labeled “M.P.G.” in rhinestones. Inside she discovered the cremated remains of Millard P. Griffin, who died in 1996.
Backyard Nuisance
Best: After a petition, vote, and trial failed to save Eli, the Dr Pepper-swilling potbellied pig, he was evicted from his Hurst home for violating an ordinance barring livestock. Dr Pepper executives found him a new rural, legal home.
Worst: South Arlington residents expressed concern about the unexploded bombs they’ve been finding buried in their yards. The ordnance are left over from the 1940s, when the Dallas Naval Air Station used the area as a practice range.
Bathroom Break
Best: Prior to its opening, the American Airlines Center hosted a “superflush” for contest winners to test the $420 million arena’s 433 toilets and 96 urinals by flushing them all simultaneously.
Worst: The first real patrons discovered a design flaw in the AAC’s bathrooms. Exterior windows turned out to be more transparent than planners had expected, and, once night fell, people in the parking lot could see inside.
Musical Score
Best: For the second consecutive year, Matt Marantz, a student at Booker T. Washington High School for Performing and Visual Arts, won Downbeat magazine’s award for best jazz instrumental soloist.
Worst: Dallas’ Flickerstick won VH1’s reality-based game show Bands on the Run and $150,000 in cash and prizes. The series showcased the rock quintet’s talents for breaking wind, urinating, vomiting, fornicating, and, occasionally, playing music.
Taste Test: Tortilla Soup
Taste tested by Ballet Folklorico
Tortilla soup is one of the few classic dishes of Mexico that has not been warped, altered, and morphed by norteamericano taste buds into a garish caricature of the original. Every chef has his own interpretation, but the beautiful soup remains true to its origins. So who better to determine the authenticity (and deliciousness) of tortilla soup than five members of the Anita N. Martinez Ballet Folklorico, who spend their time spreading Hispanic cultural awareness by performing traditional Mexican dances? They donned their vibrant costumes (each representing a different state in Mexico) and took their task seriously, swirling the cheese into the broth as gracefully as they twirl their ruffled skirts. It was a unanimous number one victory for Luna de Noche, but a tight race for number two: The Mansion, Marty’s, and Blue Mesa were separated by only one vote.
Y la ganador es…
Best: Luna de Noche
Also rans: The Mansion, Marty’s, Blue Mesa
Worst: Taco Diner
Our Pick: Blue Mesa
Food & Drink
Kitchen Aide
Best: People spotlighted restaurateur Phil Romano, whose Hunger Busters program feeds hundreds of homeless people every week.
Worst: Texadelphia owner Tom Landis sounded an uncertain trumpet in announcing his bid for mayor, declaring, “Man, I think I hate politics, but I just got to do it. I see this window, an opportunity, and I’m going for it.”
Mole
Best: Ciudad on Oak Lawn pairs its rich, zesty sauce with veal short ribs and chile rellenos. Anything more authentic would require a long wait at customs.
Worst: Buster’s Mexican Grill on Cedar Springs dribbles a bitter, weak sauce on its enchiladas mole.
Smothered Mate
Best: The Bourbon Street Fries at Hurricane Grill on Lower Greenville, smothered in brown, spicy gravy and cheddar cheese, are worth the angioplasty.
Worst: The hapless tuna steaks at Abbey Texas Cafe in North Dallas are drenched in a garish mixture of mozzarella, sautéed mushrooms, onions, and cucumber relish.
French Kiss Off
Best: We/Oui at the Crescent went bye-bye after just a few short months. Management claimed that Dallas wasn’t ready for casual French food. Hello? La Madeleine?
Worst: Michel Baudouin’s Encore in Fort Worth had a fun, funky décor and delicious country French cooking. The operative word is “had.” It closed.
Lagniappe
Best: At the intimate York St. on Lewis, each guest is treated to a spot of sherry, spiced nuts, and marinated olives before the meal.
Worst: Feeling a bit queasy, a pregnant customer requested some bread while waiting for her guests at Momo’s on Knox. “Sorry,” the waiter replied. “We can’t put bread on the table. You have to order first.”
Exotic Buffet
Best: The yucca is yummy at Irving’s Brasil Brasiliero. The South American lunch buffet is a delicious steal at $4.99 per pound.
Worst: We’d rather commit hara-kiri than get a second helping of the limp sashimi, lifeless rolls, and tough tempura at Addison’s Tokyo One.
Culinary Trend
Best: Herds of Texas Kobe beef are roaming the plates of North Texas diners. The Mercury’s Chris Ward made it the centerpiece at his recent James Beard House dinner.
Worst: Hoards of Mongolian BBQ joints are taking over. If we wanted to create our own meal, we’d do it at home and avoid shticky places like BD’s in Las Colinas.
Cluck for Your Buck
Best: The menu at Hungreez Deli in Expo Park boasts that it serves the “Best Darn Chicken Salad Sandwich in the World.” For $5.29, we concur.
Worst: For $20, we bought a jar of Dean Fearing’s famous tortilla soup stock. That’s it. Just the stock. We had to add the chicken, tortilla strips, avocado, and cheese. Oh, but we got to keep the jar.
Comfort Food
Best: It doesn’t get more down-home than Aunt Glenda’s baked potato casserole at Sammy’s BBQ on Leonard: spuds, sour cream, bacon, chives, and loads of cheese.
Worst: A Taste of the South in Red Oak serves a fried bologna sandwich, which seems like it would appeal to the same folks who take comfort from Cheez Whiz and circus peanuts.
Sign of Mankind’s Inherent Goodness
Best: Tracey Evers of the Greater Dallas Restaurant Association spearheaded the Spirit of America relief program, wherein money from special meals served at more than 100 area restaurants was donated to the American Red Cross.
Worst: A shoving match ensued between former Abacus pastry chef Shannon Swindle and baker Michael Raciti over—of all things—baking starters (the yeasty mix used to bake bread).
Bite-sized Appetizer
Best: The garlic-stuffed fried olives at Mockingbird Station’s Angelika Cafe are so addictive, we find ourselves wanting to order two or three rounds.
Worst: With their cloying barbeque sauce, the crawfish and spinach rolls at Newport’s in the West End somehow manage to be both sweet and bland.
Odor of the Day
Best: With the shuttering of the Mrs. Baird’s plant on Mockingbird, we will miss the delicious smell of baking bread on our commute down Central. It’s the end of a rush-hour tradition.
Worst: An East Dallas haven for healthy Mexican cuisine, Martin’s Cocina caught fire. But even as the stench of burned fajita meat hung in the air, owner Martin Zisman vowed to rebuild.
Pudding on Airs
Best: Bay Leaf’s steamed macadamia and banana pudding with swirled chocolate and caramel sauces ends the evening on the right note at this Deep Ellum jazz club.
Worst: The sickly sweet piña colada bread pudding at Bahama Breezes in Frisco is more Miami Vice than Caribbean nice.
Al Fresco Experience
Best: The Big Easy-style courtyard at Breadwinners on McKinney is warm, shabby, and wonderfully romantic at night.
Worst: Just off the access road to Central Expressway, with an iron fence to corral the drunk SMU students, the sliver of concrete that serves as Cafe Brazil’s “patio” also serves to remind us that fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life.
Salsa
Best: Jim Severson of Sevy’s Grill on Preston makes a toasted pumpkinseed salsa so good that he now sells it by the bottle.
Worst: Parents take note: the house salsa at Uncle Julio’s is so overloaded with the flavor of roasted peppers that, on first tasting it, we swore in front of our children.
Chicken-fried Steak Journey
Best: The 30-mile drive to Babe’s Chicken Dinner House in Roanoke is worth the effort for the peppery (and perfect) chicken-fried steak. It’s simply the best in the area.
Worst: Pass on the tough breaded cutlets at Lady Di’s II. They taste like they’re cooked at the original East Dallas location and driven to its downtown outpost—which they are.
Reason to Fritter Away Your Fortune
Best: Crescent City Cafe’s doughboys bake a beignet good enough to make us mistake Deep Ellum for the French Quarter (though individual results may vary, depending on BAC).
Worst: Nothing kills the bon temps quicker than a dense, dry, overcooked beignet, and Plano’s Big Easy French Quarter Cafe consistently serves up just that. So sad, cher.
Room Redux
Best: The Wyndham Anatole’s Nana Restaurant tossed out the heavy drapes and dark wood for a lighter, contemporary touch. Left in place were chef David McMillan’s stellar creations and the best view in Dallas.
Worst: Fishbowl transformed AquaKnox into the Zen Den dining room, which includes the Opium Den of Love. We had to remove our shoes before entering. Den we felt uncomfortable.
Swimming Success
Best: The new seafood spot Thirty-Six Degrees features a fish market called The Net Result that stocks not only fresh seafood, but also delicious pre-cooked meals and plump escargot raised right here in North Texas.
Worst: At the Catfish Connection on West Keist, you net your own fish before it’s fried. The crispy fish was fine. But playing God killed our appetite.
Taste Test: Strawberry Ice Cream
Taste tested by Shooting Stars Soccer Team
Winners on the field and off (Bowie Elementary was selected as a National Blue Ribbon School), the Shooting Stars aren’t just sugar and spice. These Bowie kickers love anything pink—from their hot pink jerseys to their favorite post-practice scoop of pink ice cream. So we asked them to take a header into some strawberry scoops and tell us which scored the highest. After the starting kickoff we had to throw a few yellow cards as our tasters attempted to run around with their cups. We admit our empirical study went out of bounds.
GOOOOAAAALL
Best: Henry’s Ice Cream
Also rans: Milwaukee Joe’s, Three Scoops, Marble Slab
Worst: Blue Bell
Our pick: Milwaukee Joe’s
Crime & Punishment
Use of an Alias
Best: A member of the predominantly gay White Rock Community Church recognized the newly hired Rev. James Simmons as a San Antonio man who had disappeared in 1984. Simmons claimed to have suffered amnesia but couldn’t explain why he had the name, birth date, and social security number of a West Texas rancher.
Worst: Paul Broadwell’s Arlington Heights neighbors knew him as the man who always had the best Christmas decorations. U.S. marshals knew him as Charles Carr, the man who was wanted in Massachusetts for child rape and for faking his own death in 1984.
Thud Under the Wheels of Justice
Best: Dallas County auditors discovered that Justice of the Peace Charles Rose had a backlog of 22,000 unprocessed traffic cases, with more than $230,000 in undeposited cash and checks from fines. “All I’m saying to you is, I’m doing my job,” Rose told a reporter.
Worst: Timothy McVeigh’s execution was delayed—and the media circus surrounding it was prolonged—when Dallas FBI Special Agent in Charge Danny Defenbaugh discovered the bureau had failed to turn over thousands of documents to McVeigh’s lawyers.
Moving Violation
Best: Burnice Wilson stole an 18-wheeler and led police on a more-than-hour-long chase through southern Dallas that—as police fired shots and the truck’s cargo caught fire—was broadcast nationwide. Wilson’s attorney blamed his client’s bad back, among other excuses for the joy ride.
Worst: For more than two years, crossing guard Joe Lucero had been disco dancing on his Lake Highlands street corner. But his supervisors made him stop, citing a complaint that he distracted motorists and endangered children.
Taking a Toll
Best: A dump truck speeding at 50 miles per hour destroyed a tollbooth on the Dallas North Tollway, causing $300,000 in damage. But the crash led to the construction of a much-needed express lane.
Worst: A robber used a large trashcan to steal $15,060 from a tollbooth at Mountain Creek Lake—all of it in coins.
Minors in Possession
Best: Three children—Brady Wolchansky, 11; Molly Wolchansky, 10; and Austin Fletcher, 7—found a money clip containing $316 and no identification. And they miraculously turned it over to police.
Worst: Two 13-year-old Fort Worth boys were linked to a string of up to 20 burglaries after one accidentally shot the other with a handgun and police discovered their loot.
Price of Celebrity
Best: When Colby Donaldson became a Survivor, the National Enquirer uncovered a police report of his 1999 arrest for public intoxication, describing how he had “passed out in a large puddle of his own vomit.”
Worst: Police heard that writer Jim Dent was having a book signing at Border’s on Preston. They waited for him to finish, then arrested Dent for unpaid traffic tickets and for violating probation on a 1998 DWI conviction.
Fast-food High Jinks
Best: A police dispatcher in The Colony found marijuana in a breakfast taquito picked up for her from Whataburger by a uniformed officer. Whataburger cook Benjamin Roberts of Carrollton was arrested for, in layman’s terms, stupidity.
Worst: When John Davis of Granbury tried to claim the $1 million grand prize in McDonald’s Monopoly game, FBI agents nabbed him and seven others for conspiring to rig the contest and steal more than $13 million.
Public Servant
Best: Denton residents Ray Roberts Sr. and Dick Tedrow, frustrated with potholes in their neighborhood, filled the ruts with their own asphalt—which, according to the county, is a crime.
Worst: NYC fireman John Harrington told local schoolchildren harrowing tales of the World Trade Center attack and started collecting donations. But when Lake City firefighters contacted New York authorities, they discovered he was a fraud.
Way to Treat a Lady
Bad: Police issued an alert for a man suspected of more than a dozen attacks on women in the downtown Dallas area. Police said the man bit women’s arms before licking them.
Worse: To sell tank tops printed with the words “wife beater,” James Doolin offered wife beaters a discount on his web site: buy one, get one half price with documented proof of conviction.
Test Pattern
Best: Students at Bryan Adams High School received up to $50 in cash for passing the Texas Academic Assessment Skills test.
Worst: Robert Zell Drury Jr. was arrested for repeatedly calling a Burleson elementary school and threatening to kill people with an assault rifle. Police said the fourth-grade teacher was distraught over his students’ TAAS scores.
Family Planning
Best: Glenda Cauthen of Boyd persuaded relatives to help her die from carbon monoxide poisoning so she could be resurrected as Jesus Christ. Three days later, offended by the decidedly mortal stench, her family buried Cauthen in the yard.
Worst: Robert and Karen Wilson’s tumultuous, arrest-filled marriage came to an end when Karen finally ran down Robert with their SUV and killed him. Said a Fort Worth police spokesman: “She probably made at least two or three runs at him before she hit him.”
Booby Call
Best:<
