It’s the second quarter of Mavs-Clippers. I’m eating a “not dog.” Let’s do this.
You know who looks terrible in HD? Clippers coach Mike Dunleavy. It’s like a topographic map of a desert or something.
5:52 The Mavs have battled back from an early 10-point deficit to pull within three, 29-26. This despite everyone on the team looking absolutely terrible. Playing for the Clips? Nick Fazekas, the Mavs’ second-round draft choice from last year. Maybe that explains it. He runs like a newborn colt with hightops full of glass.
4:50 Favorite name so far: Pape Sow. I’m less enamored with his game.
4:26 New Mavs signee Gerald Green just took his, I think, 50th not-great-looking jumper of the game. He’s a chucker. My new name for him is “Costanza.”
3:46 Another new addition, Keith McLeod, can’t believe he just missed a fairly easy layup. Guess who can? Spoiler alert: he’s typing right now.
2:46 For some reason the Spurs mascot is roaming around. Stuffed animal hate!
2:24 Richie Frahm just tried to draw a charge. Is that one of the things on Stuff White People Like? It should be. Because they do.
1:55 My wife’s scouting report on “Costanza” Green: “Oh, the guy who did the cupcake thing [at the Slam Dunk Contest]? He’s got style.” So there’s that. (I know I just used her as a comedic foil, but she does know her basketball.)
1:39 The Clippers’ No. 1 draft pick, Eric Gordon, just fouled someone. Allowing me to point out this: if his head were any rounder, Keith McLeod would brick it off the backboard.
03.9 Mavs down by 17, by the way, 45-28. Fazekas did an old Keith Van Horn move: awkward drive to the basket that ended with him almost falling down for about 10 feet and then finally actually falling out of bounds as he threw a blind over-the-head shot at the rim that didn’t beat the shot clock. Can’t believe we waived this kid.
And…halftime.
Just turned it back over from American Psycho (underrated movie, by the way). Fazekas dribbled the length of the court and botched a layup. It’s like I never left.
6:51 Someone just tried to start an “O-ver-ra-ted” chant with Green at the line. No. 1 suspect: Michael Thum.
6:24 One of the announcers just called Mavs GM Donnie Nelson “a very astute young man.” Did I fall into a wormhole during halftime and it’s suddenly 1991?
5:05 Score update: 58-38, Clips.
3:28 Shan Foster sighting. The Mavs’ only draft choice this year didn’t play much in the first half. Not a great sign, especially since they’re desperate for shooting. He’s not singing, so that’s a plus.
53.6 Reyshawn Terry, at least, looks like he might contribute something this year. That something: looking like a grown-up Todd Bridges. But no, seriously, he’s not bad.
End of third quarter. I’m going to go ahead and predict a few players who don’t make it to training camp. Pape Sow. Richie Frahm. I wish I could say Keith McLeod, but I think they’re stuck with him.
6:59 Can you tell I’m losing interest?
6:10 Foster just made a very nice dish to a guy I didn’t bother to catch the name of a for a dunk. And so begins my slow talking-into process where I end up thinking the Piano Man in the key to a championship.
5:47 Seriously, why is the Spurs mascot there? Mavs Man get the summer off? Well, that I can see. But what about Champ?
5:35 Serious basketball talk: Eric Gordon is going to be good. Maybe not a star. But very solid.
4:51 James Singleton, ex-Clipper/current Mav, is going to be a decent pickup. He’s a glue guy. Hustles, rebounds, plays D, laughs at Dirk’s German-accented jokes (probably). He’s kind of like a Devean George I don’t hate with every fiber of my being.
4:08 78-63, Clips. Like it matters.
3:15 Ronnie Seibutis and Derrick Low are in the game for the Mavs. They both look like they should be calling “next” at Tietze Park, but I like the cut of their jibs. Not sure why.
1:42 Low with a sweet dish. I like him, but his last name is kind of a layup, pun-wise, for “Humble” Billy Hayes. So maybe I don’t like the idea of him on the roster.
49.3 Low with another nice pass. If James Singleton is the Devean George I can actually like, then Derrick Low is the J.J. Barea that I don’t want to deport.
And…we’re done. Your final score: Clippers 86, Mavericks 69.
