This popped in my head since current mayor Mike Rawlings and two of his predecessors, Tom Leppert and Ron Kirk, were in attendance at yesterday’s Trinity Commons luncheon:
Which mayor could beat the others in a fight?
Currently. Like, if it happened today. I would love more than anyone to write speculative fan fiction about the late J.J. Good wrecking shop, believe me. But I am trying to waste some time, not all of it.
So we’re looking at living mayors. In addition to Rawlings, Leppert, and Kirk, there is Laura Miller and Steve Bartlett, and Wes Wise, as far as I can tell, is still with us. Oh, and also Dwaine Caraway. Seven candidates. If we are talking about throwing down this second, well, we can eliminate Miller, who is attending to some health concerns. (Normally, I’d pick her over almost everyone else.) Same goes for Wise, who is in his late 80s.
Bartlett — honestly, I don’t know a ton about him. He was before my time. But he’s had the same haircut for, like, 40 years. You know who else can say that? My dad. I wouldn’t pick my dad in a fight, and so I won’t do that here, either. Sorry, Steve.
Leppert has the reach on everyone, and he’s got hands like the “Everlong” video. But has he ever made anyone catch them? I feel like that’s a no. Maybe at a Mervyn’s back in the day. Not in a long time, though.
Kirk? Definitely thought about picking him. He’s not afraid to act as a docent at the gun show. But here’s the deal: he has a bridge named after him. A pedestrian bridge. No one who has a pedestrian bridge named after them is kicking anyone’s ass. That’s an ironclad rule.
It comes down to Rawlings and Caraway, then — both pretty similar, if we’re just looking at them purely as fighters. Both are big guys, both have an edge of menace to them, just a little bit, usually when they’re smiling.
Who to pick?
I’m going with Caraway, for two reasons. One, I’ve seen Rawlings walk, and I can practically hear his ex-football player’s knees cracking from here. Two, Caraway, I believe, has the most recent brush with this sort of thing (no judgments).
I wonder if I could get this funded.
