Saturday, August 13, 2022 Aug 13, 2022
93° F Dallas, TX
All Clichés Are Bigger in Texas

Further Thoughts On The Guy That Ordered That Giant Starbucks Drink

1. Now that I see the details of Andrew Chifari's stunt -- as a Gold member of their loyalty club, he was entitled to a free drink, basically limited only by whatever dumb thing he could come up with and whatever the baristas would allow, and, I mean, what do they care -- I sort of respect the hustle. 2. THAT SAID, it took him five days to drink it. That I do not respect. The way I see it, Starbucks called his bluff and then he folded. Sure, it would have been borderline suicidal to drink that many shots of espresso in one day. Look at it this way: when you order one of those gag 72-ounce steaks, you clean your plate or you lose. You don't get up on the steakhouse wall with a doggie bag. Same rules apply here, as far as I'm concerned. 3. The name he came up with for the drink -- Sexagintuple Vanilla Bean Mocha Frappuccino -- lacks panache. I mean, OK, it's Starbucks, so maybe he felt he had to abide by the naming conventions. But you bring your own 128-ounce vase and manage to get them to fill it with caffeine slurry, you get naming rights, and you need something that doesn't sound like an Idiocracy deleted scene. Say you want a "DEATHBRINGER" and have them Sharpie your name on the side. 4. Finally: "I think the fact that Kelly Ripa said my name and Michael Strahan said I was smart has been the most exciting.” DREAM BIGGER, FELLA.
By |

1. Now that I see the details of Andrew Chifari’s stunt — as a Gold member of their loyalty club, he was entitled to a free drink, basically limited only by whatever dumb thing he could come up with and whatever the baristas would allow, and, I mean, what do they care — I sort of respect the hustle.

2. THAT SAID, it took him five days to drink it. That I do not respect. The way I see it, Starbucks called his bluff and then he folded. Sure, it would have been borderline suicidal to drink that many shots of espresso in one day. Look at it this way: when you order one of those gag 72-ounce steaks, you clean your plate or you lose. You don’t get up on the steakhouse wall with a doggie bag. Same rules apply here, as far as I’m concerned.

3. The name he came up with for the drink — Sexagintuple Vanilla Bean Mocha Frappuccino — lacks panache. I mean, OK, it’s Starbucks, so maybe he felt he had to abide by the naming conventions. But you bring your own 128-ounce vase and manage to get them to fill it with caffeine slurry, you get naming rights, and you need something that doesn’t sound like an Idiocracy deleted scene. Say you want a “DEATHBRINGER” and have them Sharpie your name on the side.

4. Finally: “I think the fact that Kelly Ripa said my name and Michael Strahan said I was smart has been the most exciting.” DREAM BIGGER, FELLA.

Related Articles

Image
Events

This Weekend’s Food & Drink Events in Dallas: Aug. 27–29

Test your ‘cue skills at Pitmaster University. Sip fine whiskeys.
Anthony Bourdain mural at Niwa BBQ in Deep Ellum.
Food & Drink

Remembering Anthony Bourdain’s Texas Ties

Today, June 25, is Anthony Bourdain Day, which is the late chef and world traveler’s birthday. Let’s look back at some of ways the beloved culinary thinker touched Texas.
picture of tacos
Food & Drink

Instagram Is Killing Food Pictures

Our dining critic is a simple man. He just wants to look at mouthwatering photos. But a certain social media behemoth wants to change his ways.