I don’t suffer through 162 games. I go the Ballpark a few times a year — maybe. Like I’ve said before, I really only seriously care about two sports NBA basketball and the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. But I do pay a bit of attention. I know what’s up.
I also know that I am a crazy sports jinx. Example. The 2006 Dallas Mavericks Finals run? You know who has two thumbs and had tickets for Game 6? Well, okay, you can’t see it, but I’m gesturing towards my chest with both thumbs while I say, and now type, “this guy.” I had to watch Antoine Walker celebrate a championship with my own functioning eyes. No one should have had to see that, especially someone who has occasionally carried the nickname Captain Furious. (Although I prefer Doctor Implausible.)
A Rangers example? Sure. Follow along.
Actually, when it comes to them, I am a reverse jinx. As long as you can get me interested but keep me from watching the game, great things happen. At the old stadium, I went with a friend to watch a game from the last row of the outfield stands. He had had, hmmm, let’s just say, a few adult beverages. We get to the game and he buys nachos. We take our seats. Someone hits a home run. I don’t remember who but I feel like it was probably Juan Gonzalez. ANYWAY, my drinky friend throws the nachos up in the air and I was in a dead sprint before they even landed. This game, which would feature like five more homers was later named one of the best in the old stadium’s history. Exactly.
And the second example: same friend, as well as his girlfriend and her cousin. (A few weeks later she was robbed at gunpoint while managing a Perfumania at the Hillsboro outlet mall and went more or less off the reservation. Sorry. Don’t know why I typed that.) It’s at the new joint and we are excited. Maybe too excited, as we arrive several hours too early. No tickets, but that’s never a problem. We go across the highway and kill some time at Fun Sphere or whatever it’s called. Too much time, as the game is somehow sold out when we arrive.
On the way home, we learn that Kenny Rogers has just pitched a perfect game.
So, Dan Koller and whomever else cares, it is in your best interest that I do not see much of tomorrow’s game. Just don’t blind me. Stealing my TV would work. Or giving me a coloring book. Something.
