Apparently, there has been some sort of hold-up with this morning’s auction of the Texas Rangers in bankruptcy court. Which has given me just enough time to finalize my bid for the team. Below you’ll find what I believe to be an extremely generous offer.
– My services as a fake name generator, now and in perpetuity. Ask around. I’m awesome.
– All future royalties to my book, Black Tooth Grin. It hasn’t made money yet. In fact, I still owe the publisher like nine grand. But that doesn’t mean it won’t!
– one (1) firm, All-American handshake
– one (1) combination handshake/half-hug
– a single copy of every issue of D Magazine from the past three years
– one (1) copy of the Zac Crain for Mayor double-disc benefit compilation. It has an unreleased Pleasant Grove song!
– My services, now and in perpetuity, as a beard coach
– $9 USD (UPDATE: $9.02 — thanks, Amy)
– one (1) round of the drink of your choice, as long as it is bourbon and water, or similar
– permanent shotgun in my car
Just send me over the paperwork and I’ll have my lawyer take a glance at it. Thanks. Your 2010-11 Texas Rangers: The Time is WOW!
