Sports & Leisure

Jerry Jones Comments on the Slipping TEA Scores for Keller and McKinney School Districts

This is a joke.

After Jerry Jones used a bizarre analogy to describe contract talks with three of his star players (really, go read it), I contacted him this morning to get his reaction to the news that in the TEA’s rating system, Keller’s and McKinney’s ISDs slipped from an A to a B, putting them on par with Dallas ISD. I reached Jones somewhere over the Pacific in his private jet, as he was flying to Hawaii for the Rams game. Jones told me he was drinking out of a flagon filled with Johnnie Walker Blue and playing Cards Against Humanity with his security chief, Roosevelt. Here’s what he said about the falling grades in Keller and McKinney:

“Picture you were a stilt walker in a parade, the one that goes through downtown on the first day of the State Fair, and you stepped in an open manhole. Your leg gets torn clean off, right at the hip, and you’re just gushing blood all over Main Street. I mean, gallons and gallons of blood. So you take off the other stilt, the one still attached to your good leg, and you go hopping down the street to Forty Five Ten, and each time you hop, more blood gushes out, so Main Street looks like someone took a big bingo dauber and made red dots in the middle of the road with it. The educated man knows his fashion, and, further, he knows men’s ready-to-wear is on the third floor. That’s where he’ll find a pair of PT Pantaloni Torino flat-front, slim-fit trousers, which are on sale right now for $124, not including the cost to tailor them, because he’ll need to turn ’em into one-legged trousers, obviously. So Keller and McKinney are on the second floor, near women’s handbags and accessories.”

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