New Rules For Dallas Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones

Like anyone remotely connected with a media outlet, yesterday I was sent an email by the PR team for Papa John’s pizza. The email contained a link to the chain’s new commercial (seen above), featuring a rapping Jerry Jones. I struggled with whether to post it here on FB Nation and ultimately decided I didn’t want to just promote a commercial that is not nearly as entertaining as it would like to be.

But then I got to thinking about some other news from yesterday, that Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant is apparently subject to a set of behavioral rules imposed by the team. (Though Jones says there aren’t any special rules.) Bryant apparently now has a midnight curfew, can’t go to strip clubs, etc.

That information, and Jerry’s latest pizza-pushing, got me thinking that it might be time for us, the Dallas-Fort Worth public, to impose some special rules of our own upon the Dallas Cowboys owner:

  1. Is there anything sadder than an abandoned Twitter account? Let it die.
  2. We know that the NFL has a deal with Pepsi, and that Papa John’s serves Pepsi products, but Coca-Cola is so vastly superior to Pepsi that you make a mockery of yourself and your team every time you’re seen promoting it. Stop.
  3. Just sell Ari Gold a team already.
  4. Act your age.
  5. Button up.
  6. No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service.
  7. Stay away from Dancing With the Stars.
  8. Speak only in metaphors. We enjoy them.


  • GMOM

    Ban from the Mansion

  • Wes Mantooth

    9. Hire a General Manager then STFU.

  • Daniel

    No more visits to the 694 best plastic surgeons in Dallas.

  • MT

    What so many people don’t realize is that the Cowboys are the licensee for the Papa John’s in Dallas. That is why he promotes their product. They are part owners. Called research.

  • Neil

    When are we going to get some pitching in here!

  • El_Rey

    10. Stay away from the sidelines. It is called the “Owner’s Box” for a reason.

  • ernest t bass

    3) Draft or trade for more felons.

  • Barf-a-Rama

    Worst. Commercial. Ever. So embarrassing he lives in Texas. Ug