Okay, a few points of order here:
- I did not offer Gordon Keith money to make out with my wife. I asked how much it would cost to make that happen, and my wife said she’d do it for free.
- As for the idea that I would offer someone money to punch me in the face: that’s true. A grand, in fact. He said no. Laura Kostelny said she’d do it for $20. I said no.
- My right hand is not in Mrs. Yervasi’s blouse. She’s holding two fingers, and the other two are curled so as not to violate her bosomy airspace. My left hand, however, would dearly like to thank Tristan.
- Why is no one talking about my tie? It’s pretty sweet.
- At the party proper, I had a sort of krump battle with Kostelny. It looked a lot like this.
- When the band kicked into the opening guitar chords of “Jessie’s Girl,” I had my face in an ice water-filled bin, trying to cool off. I screamed like a girl and almost pulled an achilles tendon trying to make it back to the dance floor before the chorus.
- That Miller Chill is pretty good when you’re thirsty.
- Queen For A Day flat…out…rocks.
Tim, refresh my memory on things I’ve forgotten.