Yesterday I downloaded the Pokemon Go app on my phone to see what all the fuss was about. I have questions.
Are types of Pokemon specific to geographic region? Water Pokemon at White Rock Lake? Tree Pokemon at the Great Trinity Forest? Young, upwardly mobile, professional Pokemon in Uptown?
Do creatures captured and imprisoned in PokeBalls enjoy the same legal and ethical protections as animals at the Dallas Zoo?
Is it too late to change my character’s name? Does “PokeGawd1989” convey my seriousness about winning Pokemon Go?
Would you get arrested in Euless to catch ’em all?
Are 1,800 people really going to flood the Dallas Arboretum this weekend to catch virtual monsters? What about 3,000 at the Fort Worth Water Gardens? Or these 10,000 people at an undisclosed location in Dallas? These mass gatherings look like fun, but did that many people even vote in the last local election?
Will Bulbasaur obstruct your view of the art?
— Dallas Museum of Art (@DallasMuseumArt) July 7, 2016
Will Pokemon Go be North Texas’ next great job creator?
How do I challenge the kids down the street at the Pokemon Gym at Booker T to a Pokemon Battle without it being weird?
Does anyone want to battle me?
Am I allowed to ask strangers on their phones whether they are playing Pokemon Go?
Why aren’t there any Pokemon on the 21st floor of this office building?
How do I release my Pokemon back into the wild?
When will UTD do something about the Pokemon Gang graffiti problem on campus?
— Savannah Austin △ (@SuperSavi) July 12, 2016
Where can I find a Jigglypuff in Dallas?
Has anyone asked Pikachu what to do about the future of Fair Park?
Will Pikachu be the avatar of our brave new future, when augmented reality becomes the only reality?
Which local brand is best leveraging the popularity of Pokemon Go in a way that is relevant to your interests as a millennial? On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being very negative and 10 very positive, how do you feel about the brand?
Should D Magazine change its logo to a “D” framed by a PokeBall silhouette? On a scale of 1 to 10,would that make you more likely to buy a subscription to D Magazine?
What dystopian science fiction does Pokemon Go most remind you of? John Carpenter’s They Live? Maybe the “White Bear” episode of Black Mirror?
What emotion does the idea of so many people leaving their homes to enthusiastically play a game on their phones provoke in you? Joy or horror? Answer carefully, because your feelings about a popular new video game encapsulate your views on the state of modern society.
Does anyone want to buy a holographic Charizard off me? What about these other 400 playing cards at my mom’s house? I’ll cut you a deal and throw in 50 Beanie Babies.
Which is worse? The guy on your Facebook feed complaining about the popularity of Pokemon Go or the guy complaining about the guy complaining about the popularity of Pokemon Go?
Is Nintendo watching me?
Where can I find a Mew in Dallas?
Was the urban legend about a group of teenagers dropping acid and accidentally kidnapping a child because they thought the kid was a Pokemon local to East Dallas, or did they have that one where you went to high school too?
Are we all going to lose interest in this soon, or am I really going to have to commit to this thing?
Where can I find a Snorlax in Dallas?