Yesterday, 25-year-old Scottie Scheffler won the Masters, because of course he did. This is just what our new Highland Park High School overlords do, beginning with Los Angeles Dodgers ace Clayton Kershaw capturing his first World Series in 2020 and continuing with his childhood friend, Los Angeles Rams quarterback Matthew Stafford, winning the Super Bowl in February. Scheffler is the latest, which spawned breathless national coverage wondering how one high school could so thoroughly dominate the sports world.
But you probably knew all of this. What you don’t know—nor do I—is where the next champion comes from. Basketball? Hockey? Tennis? Badminton? Any of these would be fine, I suppose, but after reaching the summit in three spots inside two calendar years, HPHS needs to aim higher. Dream bigger. Go bolder.
Because, sure, an NBA Finals MVP would be awesome, as would a Wimbledon champ. But the Scots have already conquered team sports and now country club sports, too. It’s time for a new frontier: combat spots.
You heard me. I am putting out the call for the first Highland Park UFC Heavyweight Champion. Far-fetched, you say? That’s a matter of opinion, friend, and mine is North Texas’ toniest outpost should settle for nothing less than ruling the octagon through glamor and violence. Last I checked, this is a place of means and ambition, and it’s not like I’m calling for an entire battalion of fighters here. Just one single, solitary, bloodthirsty monster to crack domes and break bones in the name of the new city of champions.
Do they have any serious prospects? Couldn’t tell you. A suitable gym? Consult Google Maps. What’s certain is if Highland Park isn’t bored of amassing titles already, they will be soon enough. Boredom leads to complacency, and complacency to mediocrity, and, well, we just can’t have that.
Besides, pushing one’s limits is the only way to achieve one’s fullest potential. So step out of the familiar and into the rugged unknown. Tape up the feet and slide on the gloves. Bribe some judges if you have to. You can do this, Highland Park. Bring home a championship belt.