It Takes a Village to Help Me Lose Weight

Actually, it’s going to take the good people at the parks department in University Park to help me in my quest. Here’s the deal: I spent the month of April abusing my body in ways that are sure to make for compelling reading in my memoir How to Be Miserable And Alone. But with the advent of May, I’d like to return to my OCD ways. I plan to run every single day this month. I have several routes, but my very favorite one takes me past the park between University and McFarlin. Guess what doesn’t work in that park? The water fountains. And they haven’t worked since, like, December. I would like that to change so I don’t die of dehydration–a silly way to go, I’m sure we can all agree.