“Who would win a fight between John Wiley Price and Dwaine Caraway?”

Humor

Questions Rejected by Anything You Ever Wanted to Know’s Screeners

A partial list of queries that never achieved airtime on the KERA 90.1 call-in show.

“You know those parrots that all live at the southern end of White Rock Lake? Do they talk?”

“Which suburb has the lousier name, White Settlement or Dalworthington Gardens?”

“What is Robert Wilonsky’s official job title?”

“I drive a 2004 Prius. What do you think of that?”

“Who played guitar on the 1994 Adam’s Farm song ‘It’s a Shame About the Lemonheads’?”

“Is Love Field very far away?”

“I need a new roof and am trying to choose between a GAF Liberty self-adhering, three-sheet system and a 24-gauge prefinished Kynar 20-inch standing seam, snap-and-lock panel system that costs about $5,000 more. Any advice?”

“Where is my Apple TV remote?”

“Am I caller No. 12?”

“How long, typically, do I need to wait after buying a life insurance policy to kill myself without voiding the policy?”

“Are you scared of ghosts?”

“If I put a bunch of blood down my kitchen sink, will they be able to take the pipes apart and find residue later?”

“Do you think Story is a good name for a dog?”

“Who shot J.R.?”

“Are there horny co-eds in my neighborhood who want to hook up tonight?”

“When is Jerry the owner going to fire Jerry the GM?”

“Does Gini Mascorro’s delivery bug you as much as it bugs me?”

“Am I the only one who thinks that Miguel Solis looks like John Leguizamo?”

“I love you so much. You’re sooo pretty and I’ve been waiting for this to say because I couldn’t tell and but seriously. Do you wanna kiss me?”

“Remember when Central Track had that goofy sideways scroll thing?”

“Does this look infected?”

“T.C. Broadnax sends weekly memos to the Dallas City Council that are titled ‘Taking Care of Business.’ Is that cockiness going to come back to bite him?”

“Why is everyone in Oak Cliff like that?”

“I’m currently stuck at Gate 8 at DFW Airport due to maintenance issues with the plane. When is my flight going to leave?”

“Have you ever stared at an electrical outlet and noticed how the contact openings echo the face in Edvard Munch’s The Scream and gotten so depressed that you ate an entire bag of Takis but then sort of laughed when you considered the contrast between the Hispanic rolled snack chip and the similarly named character from the Soulcalibur series of video games, an insanely well-endowed, demon-hunting female ninja?”

“Are you proud of yourself?”

Comments

  • Greg Brown

    Marvelous. Please keep us posted on the co-eds.

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