NAKED CITY Letter From LA-LA Land

RON DAYAN, INTERIOR DESIGNer to the stars, has just heard about all the bad publicity you brassy, big-haired Big D blonds are getting.

And he’s got a plan to stop the pain.

Perhaps you don’t know about all the fuss. First there was the slanderous story on the front page of The Wall Street Journal in late January that claimed Dallas women had big, yellow hair-like that was earth-shattering news or something.

Then the Dallas Times Herald jumped in, getting society columnist Nancy Smith-a big, brassy blond in her own right-to go to the mat for all her Dallas sisters.

Smith interviewed the star of the Journal story, a socialite named Linda Ivy, who was pictured on the front page of the Journal with mounds and mounds of big, yellow hair. Ms. Ivy had a little bone to pick with the Journal, she told Ms. Smith. The reporter who interviewed her for the story insisted on using her 1986 “Dynasty” Ball picture (as in the TV show; as in the Dallas ball by the same name), which showed her in a big fur stole, big, Texas-sized ear sparklers, and big, blond hair. The problem with the Journal using the photo, she told Ms. Smith, is that she now boasts big, red hair.

Oh, dear.

Then, just when that whole hair thing seemed to be dying down. Steve Martin, the actor, got in on the Dallas-bashing. In an interview in The New York Times, Martin discussed his new movie, L. A. Story. He said he had wanted to make a romance set against a big city, and he picked L. A. because “it provides the humor. ” Martin was quoted as saying, “I can go into surreal gags and elements and kind of push the boundaries of comedy. You just couldn’t make this movie in Dallas. “

Oh? Martin obviously didn’t see that picture of Linda Ivy on the front page of The Mall Street Journal.

Naturally, Dallasites are sick of this slander-and we’re not alone. Ron Dayan has had enough of Dallas-bashing. Especially when it comes to our city’s big, blond women.

Because he’s looking for his own Dallas gal, the bigger and blonder the better.

To be his wife.



NOW THIS IS NOT A JOKE.

Dayan decided a long time ago that Dallas was the place to find a spouse. He had planned to come and get him one back in 1979, when he left his long-standing job as a British Airways flight attendant (hey, you have to start somewhere) to go into the interior design business.

“I was going to fly there to find me that southern belle, ” he says now. “And I had the ticket and everything. But I boarded the wrong flight and ended up in L. A. And I’ve been here ever since. “

It was probably a good thing, he says, because when he quit British Airways, he had $11, 000 in his pocket and no job and no place of his own. “I was not able to offer people what I can offer them now. “

What he is offering is this: a nice-sized house in the Hollywood Hills (with canyon views); a maid and a nanny (when the babies come); a Mercedes; three cats; and a “culturally and artistically stimulating” lifestyle of travel, good restaurants, and proper pampering.

This is how Mr. Dayan says he will welcome his wife home in the evenings: “She will come, and she will find the whirlpool jets, the nine jets, blasting, and the candles lit, and the bottle of champagne chilled. That’s how she will start to relax. Pampering, I think it’s called. “

Again, this is no joke. This guy’s for real. He’s 34. He has an English mother, a French father, and a “champagne-colored” Mercedes coupe. He was reared in Yorkshire, England; he has dark, Iraqi-type good looks; and one of his signature scents is Chanel for Men.

All he wants is one Dallas wife to round out the profile. “They have high morals, and they are family oriented, ” says the man who admits he learned this watching TV and movies. “And their husband is the most important thing in their life. ” Unlike California women, apparently.

“I don’t have high esteem for California women, ” says the man who married and divorced one of them. “1 would say they’re superficial. They play games. They’re shallow. Very materialistic. I think for them, being a career woman, driving their Mercedes with their car phones, and living in Westwood seems to be important. And that’s not what I want in a woman. “

What he wants is the following (he wrote this out): “Blondish or very blondy; active; non-religious; single, or divorced okay; preferably no young dependents (I’d like to have them together); positive; kind; believes in unity of family; loyalty is most important; prepared, in the fullness of time, to move to L. A.; 5-foot-9-inch, maximum height (I’m 5 feet 11 inches); built, but not like Dolly Parton. “

A pretty tall order.

But there are at least two requirements that Dayan is willing to negotiate on. One is the “built” part: “I don’t want to put that a 34C would be excellent, ” he says. “It’s only $3, 500 to buy them. “

The other is “the fullness of time” part. This man is willing to rush the engagement. And you better believe it. “I believe in instant clicks, ” he says. “1 don’t believe people grow on one another, especially for this purpose. In matters of the heart, I believe in an instant click. If there isn’t one, there never will be one. “

That click will click by the first time Dayan sees the photos he’s asking prospects to send-or you’ll be history, Don’t come expecting to see a lot of movie stars, he says. He wants you to come see him. Period. But then, Dayan is considered a celebrity, of sorts-at least that’s what his publicist tells him.

Dayan has your California dreamin’ weekend all figured out. “Dinners in intimate restaurants, ” he says, “Beach walks. Driving up to Santa Barbara, which is quite exquisite and far from the neon lights of Hollywood. And picnics on the beach. “

If you feign the appropriate lack of interest in meeting the stars-and take an active interest in his work instead-maybe he will introduce you to some of his famous clients. Like Billy Idol. Or Barry Gibb. Or Smokey Robinson. Or the vice president of Apple Computers (huh?).

And if you’re really lucky, you might get to go to the house of Dayan’s hottest potential client. “I have a huge lead with a gentleman who is currently remodeling a $25 million piece of property above Beverly Hills, ” says Dayan, “and is also redoing his place on the island of Kauai, and his nickname is Sly. “

Anyway, should you survive the introductory weekend, you can expect to be flown out to L. A., at his expense, twice a month until a decision is made. “It wouldn’t even tickle the [bank] account, ” he boasts.

So if this guy is such a find, you might ask, why did his eight-year marriage, which ended 16 months ago, fail? Remembering that we have only one side of the story here, the answer appears to be children. He wanted them right away. She did not. “I think the child issue was so important to me and was brought up so many times, it created friction, ” he says.

So she was out. But you big, blond Dallas gals could be in.

Dayan has never been to Dallas, but thanks to Robin Leach (yes, that Robin Leach) he’s more interested than ever in getting here. It seems that awhile back, Leach wanted to do a piece on basketball star Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and his house (which Dayan had decorated), and even though Kareem declined (as a Muslim, Dayan says, he didn’t want cameras in his house), Dayan had a few conversations with Leach, who had just done another piece on our very own Caroline Rose Hunt, who, like all Texas women. Leach told Dayan, was simply lovely.

“I may visit with women who are not blond, but I have to admit the possibility of marrying one is very slim, ” says Dayan. “Now, she does not have to be a light one, a light blond. Just a blond. “

So if you are one of those big blonds that the national press is laughing at these days, send a letter and a photo (“a recent photo, ” Dayan says) to Dayan at 2617 Harlesden Court, Los Angeles, CA. 90046. But please, he says, don’t call. “I wouldn’t want to be bothered in the early stage, ” says Dayan, “before I saw the picture. “

Once he does, Dayan promises, his response will be quick. “People ask me, ’What are you looking for?’ ” he says. “I say, ’Everything and nothing. If you’re splendid, I’m looking for everything. If you’re not, I’m looking for nothing. ’ “

Whew.