Here it is again: our annual exercise in sheer effrontery. Some of you are going to get mad. Some of you are going
to write angry letters. Worst of all, some of you are going to telephone and demand to speak to The Jerk Who Wrote
Best and Worst.
The truth is, there is no such Jerk. The judgments expressed here are hammered out in a series of committees that
make the Bloody Assizes look like a New England town meeting. In the end, a tyrantnous majority prevails, and
proclaims the beatification or perdition of a baked potato or a public figure.
Sure, we’re hiding behind the anonymity of an institution. But our decisions are, as Ned Sherrin says on “We
Interrupt This Week,” arbitrary, prejudiced, and final.
So don’t call us. It’s the Other Guy who impugned your favorite politician’s honor, assaulted your favorite
restaurant, lampooned your favorite law firm. But don’t get us wrong. We welcome your thoughts; we value your
opinions. Honest. To prove it, we’ve provided a coupon on page 83. Whereby you can retaliate with your own Best and
Worsts. Those with merit may find their way into print in these pages.
EXECUTIVE DINING ROOM
BEST: Mercantile National Bank. Originally it was built by R.L. Thornton Sr. as a private penthouse palace.
It has since been transformed into a spacious and elegant two-story dining room. You can have almost as good a time
as old R.L. used to. But not quite.
WORST: The SMU Faculty Club. When you start seeing professors hanging around the student cafeteria instead,
you have what you call a problem in higher education.
DOGHOUSE BUILDER
BEST: Lucky Schreck of Fort Worth. Lucky’s doctor tells him that because of his heart condition he shouldn’t
be doing anything. But Lucky can’t refrain from his passion – building doghouses. His houses are superbly
handcrafted from scrap materials, sturdy, insulated, and painted. Prices start at $24 for the smallest, but custom
models have no limit-one masterpiece was a huge, “contemporary” doghouse, fully air-conditioned. Phone ahead
(817-473-1991) – you can’t find Lucky’s house without directions.
WORST: Martin and Elizabeth Price of Dallas. The Prices became irritated with their dog, Buster “Baby Boy”
Price, because Buster refused to sleep anywhere except in the family car. So the Prices bought Buster his own red
Toyota which sits parked in the yard with the front door open. How bourgeois.
DISTRACTION
BEST: Cynthia Scott sang for several months in the bar at La Truite restaurant. Her splendid voice went a
long way toward taking your mind off the mushy flounder. Maybe she was too good – she’s now singing in L.A. Somebody
here should try to bring her back.
WORST: From the fairway of the second hole on the No. 1 course at the Sherrill Park Richardson Municipal Golf
Course, you can hear the death screams of the pigs in the slaughterhouse at the Owens Country Sausage plant. Tends
to disrupt your approach shot.
BAR ENTERTAINER
BEST: Don Edwards, White Elephant Saloon, 106 E. Exchange Ave., and assorted other Fort Worth clubs. This guy
could surely be making it big in Nashville, but his easy style and winsome stage presence fit quite nicely in
Cowtown too. He sings “Texas Trilogy” as well as it’s ever been sung.
WORST: Sheriff Carl Thomas, for his one-night only performance on Texas-O.U. weekend in the bar of the
Executive Inn. The Sheriff, according to the audience, refused to accept a drink from a waitress costumed in Sooner
garb. He became increasingly belligerent and abusive, until the hotel security guard had to be called to calm him.
The Sheriff then showed his talent as a stand-up comedian, claiming that he hadn’t been drinking.
TELEPHONE ANSWERING SERVICE
BEST: American Personalized. The only service in the area that is computerized. That may not sound so
personalized, but it dies mean guaranteed pickup on the second ring. They also hire sharp people who get the
messages straight and know how to tell an emergency from a non-emergency.
WORST: Forrester. An old service, one of Dallas’s first, that hasn’t bothered to update its methods or
upgrade its attitude. Your mother could die on Monday and you wouldn’t hear about it until Thursday afternoon.
SPORTS PROMOTION
BEST: Mustang Mania, as authored by SMU athletic director Russ Potts and sports promotion director Brad
Thomas. With a little imagination and a lot of ear-bending and media-blitzing, Potts and Thomas put SMU football
back on the local sports map, more than doubling game attendance, from 25,000 last season to 51,960 this season,
with a team that still didn’t manage to break .500.
WORST: The crusade for Skip Bayless by the Dallas News. Poor Bayless. Whether he can write sports or
not, it’s going to take him a long time to live up to (and live down) the hype the News poured on him. And
who cares if Reggie Jackson remembered his first name?
JUKE BOX
BEST: The Lakewood Yacht Club bar and restaurant, Abrams Road. Where else can you put in a quarter and hear
“Happy, Jean & Me” by Roy Rogers, “Surfin’ Bird” by the Trashmen, “Amore” by Dean Martin, “Big Bop-per’s Wedding” by
the Big Bopper, “Pretty Vacant” by the Sex Pistols, “Hava-Nagila” by Benny Goodman, or “The Lord’s Prayer” by The
Mormon Tabernacle Choir?
WORST: The Lakewood Yacht Club. No jukebox, no matter how eclectic, has any right to play “The William Tell
Overture” by Glen Campbell.
MEAT MARKET
BEST: Rudolph’s Meat Market and Sausage Factory, 2924 Elm Street, downtown Dallas. This family operation has
records dating back to 1895, making it one of Dallas’s best-kept secrets. But those who know of Rudolph’s won’t buy
their meat anywhere else. Rudolph’s makes some thirty different items of its own: all kinds of sausage, wieners,
salami, bologna, and Polish rings. And be sure to buy some of their homemade beef sticks. Buy a lot of them – you’ll
be hooked.
WORST: Papagayo, club and disco, NorthPark East. If you don’t think human flesh is a commodity, you haven’t
seen the meat on the hoof at this place.
ORIENTAL RUGS
BEST: Rejebian and Son, based in Titche’s in NorthPark. You’ll see immediately that this is no ordinary
department store rug section. V.Y. Rejebian is the best established man in the Dallas rug business; he and his son
Myron search out the rugs themselves and turn up some beauties. The prices are high, of course, but the quality and
authenticity are unquestionable. If you talk to Mr. Rejebian, see if you can get him to invite you into his office
for a look at his extraordinary collection of personal favorites.
WORST: Customs Auctions. This outfit advertises Oriental rugs that have gone unclaimed at U.S. Customs –
Oriental rugs “and others.” Unfor -tunately, it’s mostly “others,” with no real bargains on the older traditional
rugs that you’re looking for. You didn’t really expect anything good to come of U.S. Customs, did you?
SHOESHINE
BEST: Ernie at Union Terminal. For two bucks, Ernie gives you a great shoeshine. And then he gives you a free
massage.
HICCUP CURE
BEST: Slice of lime soaked in bitters, the house cure at Joe Miller’s bar. (If the lime doesn’t work, try one
of Joe’s jokes.)
WORST: Spicy Crisp Whole Fish with Hot Sauce at Hunan.
HANGOVER FOOD
BEST: The menudo at the Casa Blanca Cafe on North Akard. Menudo, the renowned Mexican tripe stew, is
affectionately called the Breakfast of Champions. Who knows what there is about cow stomach lining that restores the
human head, but it really works. WORST: Spicy Crisp Whole Fish with Hot Sauce, at Hunan Restaurant. One of
our staff tried this cure. He says he played two complete sonatas on the porcelain tuba.
QUOTATION FROM A PUBLIC OFFICIAL
BEST: From County Commissioner Jim Jackson. In reference to Sheriff” Carl Thomas’s friendly relationship with
convicted felon Smokey Joe Smith, Jackson said, “You can’t wallow with the hogs at night and soar with the eagles in
the morning. I may not be soaring with the eagles, but at least I’m not wallowing with the hogs.”
WORST: From J.D. Arnold, press secretary to Congressman Jim Mattox. In trying to explain and smooth over the
touchy situation created by Mat-tox’s gaffe of calling his opponent Tom Pauken a Nazi, Arnold said Mattox didn’t
mean Pauken personally but rather that “all conservatives in the Fifth District are Nazis.
CLIENTELE
BEST: Campisi’s Egyptian Restaurant, Mockingbird Lane, in the back dining room. Contrary to popular belief,
the back room at Campisi’s is not private and it is not populated by unsavory underworld types. Instead it’s
populated by regular customers – and by occasional celebrities. Campisi’s is as close as Dallas comes to a star bar,
a popular hangout for entertainers and movie people who happen to be in town. In past months we’ve come across such
luminaries as Kris Kristofferson, Jill Clayburgh, Norm Crosby, Burt Reynolds, Ben Gazarra, and Bruce Springsteen.
WORST: J. Alfred’s, Oak Lawn. This bar, for some reason, attracts an astounding collection of sleazeballs and
midnight maniacs. But what’s more amazing is that there is a list posted by the door of all the people who have been
banned from the bar. Meaning that what’s in there is the cream of the crop. What we want to know now is where the
people on that list go.
AIRLINE FOOD
BEST: Frontier Airlines. Frontier doesn’t have a separate first-class section. So they compensate by serving
everyone first-class food. Like steak and crab. It almost makes it worthwhile to fly to Denver.
WORST: American Airlines. We’re happy they’re coming to Dallas; wehope that means they’ll changetheir
caterer. They should knowbetter than to try to serve cannelloni. After all, Alitalia doesn’t tryto serve fried
chicken.
CHEAPSKATE
BEST: Gene Street. Gene and his highly successful Prufrock Inc. own a dozen profitable restaurants in Dallas.
Apparently that’s not enough. This past summer, Gene mowed his neighbor’s lawn every week for $7.
WORST: Hugh Parmer, Mayor of Fort Worth. Parmer billed Fort Worth taxpayers $35 a day for meals during a
conference in Washington last year, even though the Federal government provided free meals to those attending.
Parmer’s explanation? He didn’t care for the food the government was serving, so he and his wife went out to
restaurants.
SOUFFLE
BEST: The Grand Marnier souffle at La Fontaine Restaurant, Carillon Towers. Magnificent.
BEST: There’s no worst here because there’s another best. This one is the soufflé praline at La Polonaise
restaurant. Magnificent.
FURNITURE DESIGNER
BEST: Bill Schieffer, 2419 Stutz Drive. A master craftsman, a throwback to another time. Schieffer’s artistry
in wood is the finest there is.
WORST: R.H. Bauman & Co. These people came up with what must be the worst piece of furniture to hit the
market this year. The “Potty Planter” is a planter box which replaces the lid of your toilet tank, self-watering
through the “magic wick” that dips into the tank. If it sells, though, we’re coming out next year with a see-through
glass toilet tank with goldfish in it, called the Marine Latrine. Or Fishies For Your Feces.
UNPUBLICIZED BARBECUE
BEST: Joe’s, 1022 Pacific Avenue, downtown. Joe doesn’t need any publicity – even in dead winter there’s a
noontime line trailing out the door, waiting for his succulent brisket and French fries fresh cut from real
potatoes. Watch out, Sonny Bryan.
WORST: Papa Dad’s, Hall Street at Thomas. The barbecue itself isn’t so bad, but you’re likely to encounter
unre-quested curb service. This misplaced corner in the shadow of a North Central Expressway overpass has become one
of Dallas’s hottest spots for hookers, and they’re an aggressive crew. And they’ve got more on their menu than
ribs.
SUBURB
BEST: Duncanville. The hub of the south Dallas County revival, Duncanville is ruled by benevolent oligarchs
who care about their people. Good schools, a good professional mix, accelerating real estate values, favorable tax
base, low crime rate, and easy entry into the community. And besides that, the countryside down there is damn near
pretty.
WORST: Benbrook. This small-town suburb west of Fort Worth is noted for two things. One, its speed traps on
Highway 377. And two, its ungodly noise – a function of its location underneath the glide path of the monstrous SAC
bombers operating out of Carswell Air Force base. Real-estate agents here try to tout these as advantages: With all
those motorized policemen and the U.S. Air Force on patrol, what could be safer?
BUREAUCRAT
BEST: Ernest Dean, executive director, D/FW Airport. Civic leaders tend to get the credit for the airport’s
surge this past year-American Airlines headquarters, non-stop service to Europe, through-service to South America,
addition of 35 new gates, groundbreaking on a new 837-room hotel, and gaining a charter for foreign trade. But Dean
is the guy in the trenches every day. More than anyone he’s made it happen.
WORST: J. D, Littrell, Director of Transportation Services, Dallas County Schools. J. D. is in charge of
school busing for the DISD and the school systems of Coppell, Irving, Grand Prairie, Cedar Hill, DeSoto, and
Lancaster. Maintenance of buses is notoriously poor. In the past, J. D. has hired drivers with police records. And
when his drivers staged a walkout last winter, J. D. held just one meeting with the drivers and the press and then
disappeared. J. D. makes $22,500 a year.
BAD NAME
BEST: Joe Boring, head football coach, Garland High School Owls. In the wake of Garland’s quarter-final loss
to the Carter Cowboys, Joe was asked if perhaps his team had been looking ahead to the next game with defending
champion Piano. Said Joe, “No. We have twelve boys on this team in the National Honor Society. They know better.”
Boring, Joe.
NON-NEWS STORY
BEST: The Pakistani Flash, F. Masoud Khan, who swept through Dallas leaving money and euphoria in his wake
(including a $1 million tip), only to turn around and stop payment on his checks. A few weeks later he was arrested
in Atlanta for not paying his hotel bill and ended up in a mental ward. At last report he was in jail in New York on
assault charges. Thanks, F., it was fun while it lasted.
WORST: The Tony Dorsett Alarm Clock Affair. Everyone has overslept before, so big deal. Even Tom Landry has
overslept. No, he probably hasn’t.
SMALL BANK
BEST: Prestonwood National Bank, North Dallas Parkway. Under the widely respected leadership of Chairman Max
Wells, this bank has established itself as one of the most responsible and aggressive in the area, boasting one of
the highest loan-to-deposit ratios and one of the lowest loan-lost ratios in the county.
WORST; Hillcrest State Bank. Chairman Cam Dowell used to own eight banks and as a group they consistently
showed one of the lowest loan-to-deposit percentages in the county. Hillcrest is the only one he still owns, using
its geographical monopoly on the SMU area to survive in spite of conservative, non-service-oriented policies.
Another in the great tradition of university neighborhood banks sticking it to the students.
RECORD COLLECTION
BEST: John I. Taylor of Fort Worth, a retired Corps of Engineers hydrologist, has over a million records in
and around his home, three rental houses, and three storage buildings; the collection includes 150,000 LPs, 700,000
45s, and 300,000 78s. The value is unknown, but Taylor recently refused an offer of $150,000 for the whole bundle.
In case you’re interested, the 3,800,000 songs in the collection would take 21 years, 251 days, and 16 hours to
listen to.
WORST: KNUS-FM. We could be wrong here, but it seems this poor station never has more than ten records at any
one time.
OFFICE BUILDING
BEST: North Dallas Bank Tower, LBJ Freeway at Preston Road. Accessible, well-run, well-maintained, with a
good restaurant (and a good bank) inside. This one has a long waiting list.
WORST: Town East Tower, LBJ Freeway at Town East Blvd. This place is just too far off the beaten path. Of
seven floors, three are vacant.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO. . .?
BEST: Alan Steelman. Former U.S. Congressman from Dallas (Fifth District) and one of the brightest stars in
the Texas Republican constellation, Steelman lost the Texas senatorial race to Lloyd Bentsen in 1976 and more or
less disappeared from public view. And from political life, which he says he doubts he’ll ever return to. He’s now
working as a management consultant and living in Virginia. He says he’s planning to establish residence in North
Dallas (Jim Collins’s district) but warns not to jump to conclusions. Too bad.
WORST: Remember Tom Hedrick, the Channel 4 sports reporter a few years back? Most have tried to forget. Tom
had many annoying habits (such as incessant references to Christianity in sports), but some of his blunders were
simply amazing. One classic Hedrick story is worth reviving: Referring to Minnesota Twin infielder Danny Thompson
(later a Ranger), Hedrick explained that the Twins were high on young Thompson for three reasons. One, said Hedrick,
he’s got a good glove. Number two, he can handle a bat. And three, he’s got leukemia. Tom now resides in Lawrence,
Kansas and broadcasts Jayhawk football.
DISC JOCKEY
BEST: Bob Shannon, KZEW-FM. If the job of a disc jockey is to play good records, then this man is the best
around, because he consistently plays the best rock music to be found on the local airwaves, and he keeps the jive
talk to a minimum. Shannon’s weekday afternoon shift from two to six is punctuated by the most interesting of the
new and the best of the old. His forte is “drive-off-the-road songs.” (Thank you, Bob, for “I Can See For Miles.”)
WORST: Bill Mack, WBAP-AM. Once named America’s best country/western DJ, Mack is no longer even the best in
Cowtown. Booming out at 50,000 clear-channel watts, Mack’s midnight-to-dawn mishmash of chatter and music, dominated
by rambling, pointless (and often tasteless) monologues, has become more muck than Mack.
BILLBOARD
BEST: On the old Dallas-Fort Worth Turnpike, between Arlington and Dallas, on the north side of the highway
but facing eastbound traffic, is a billboard advertising Carlsbad Caverns. What it doesn’t say, but should,
is “Exit Here. Left on Overpass. Go Back 500 Miles.”
PERSON WHO WON’T SPEAK TO US
BEST: Clint Murchison Jr. Gee, all we wanted to know is how much it would cost to buy his Dallas Cowboys. But
that’s okay, Mr. Murchison. Just get those boys to the Super Bowl again and you can not call us back whenever you
don’t want to.
WORST: Jim Mattox. Apparently Congressman Mattox doesn’t like our style any more than we like his.
SNACK FOOD
BEST: The fried potato skins at TGI Friday’s. Good old Friday’s does it again.
WORST: The crab Rangoon at Trader Vic’s. There’s no appreciable quantity of crab to be found in it, and as
far as we can tell there’s no rangoon either.
WESTERN WEAR.
BEST: Cutter Bill’s in the morning. Everything in this shop is beautiful and so are the salesmen (according
to our roving reportress). Everything is also expensive (boots start at $75) so a certain amount of restraint is
necessary to prevent overindulgence.
WORST: Cutter Bill’s in the afternoon. They open their bar and offer drinks to the serious but unpersuaded
buyer. Not good for restraint; risk of premature Happy Trails and empty saddlebags.
PERSON WE WON’T HAVE TO KICKAROUND ANYMORE
BEST: Toby Harrah, ex-Ranger. Goodbye, Toby. Good luck.
WORST: Nolan Estes, ex-Superintendent. Good-bye, Nolan. Good riddance.
CHICKEN-FRIED STEAK
BEST: Fuqua’s Coffee Shop, 700 Pennsylvania, Fort Worth. When the first Cullen Davis trial was moved from
Fort Worth to Amarillo, defense attorney Racehorse Haynes remarked that his only disappointment was that he could no
longer eat Fuqua’s chicken-fried steak for lunch. That was one time Racehorse didn’t stretch the truth.
SYNDICATED COLUMNIST
BEST: William Raspberry. Sane and rational, a liberal without a knee jerk. Besides, we like his name.
WORST: Cactus Pryor. There’s nothing more irritating than bad good-old-boy humor. But we like his name,
too.
POTATO SALAD
BEST: The Little Delicatessen, 5428 Cal-mont, Fort Worth. Whatever the secret of their seasoning is, it
works. This stuff is addictive. Also, the lumps are soft.
WORST: Phil’s Delicatessen, Oak Lawn. No use going into the messy details, this stuff is bad. The only
saving grace is that you can wash it down instantly with an ice-cold Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry Soda.
APARTMENT OPERATOR
BEST: Robert L. Goodman. Goodman treats his tenants as customers rather than as adversaries. Owner of several
apartment properties, including Central View, Broadmoor Two, Beaulieu, and Martel Manor, Goodman has never evicted a
tenant and has yet to appear in landlord-tenant court. As any landlord will tell you, that’s a remarkable record.
WORST: K.T. Bailey. Over the past year, Bailey has handled rent disputes by shutting off the gas, by refusing
to pay the electric bill so his tenants had their electricity cut off, and by removing the front doors from
apartments. He has also had apartment buildings condemned by the city. So in case you’re apartment hunting, here are
a few names to avoid: The Coves, Las Lomas, Rustic Hills Village, Enchantment, and The Lites.
BABYSITTERS
BEST: Texas Woman’s University College of Nursing, in Dallas. Some of the students in the school of nursing
and occupational therapy are looking for a little extra cash. It’s an informal arrangement: Call 631-6405 and leave
your name at the desk and they’ll find a near-nurse who’s available. Rates are up to the students and vary somewhat
depending on the nature of the job. But what a bonus: Should Junior run into something, fall off of something, or
come down with something, you have instant first aid.
WORST: An SMU coed. She can’t sit for you on Monday night because she has a sorority meeting. Tuesday night
she has exercise class; Wednesday she promised to help the Fijis with their toga party decorations; Thursday night
she has to pack for her weekend trip to Vail. But she’ll be glad to sit for you on Sunday night if you have a
World Book encyclopedia so she can write her term paper on the Russian Revolution.
DRIVERBEST: Henry Ginn of Dallas, Frank Davis 111 of Garland, and Melvin Schultz of Dallas, all Dallas
Transit System bus drivers who this year were given DTS’ Most Efficient Driver awards. Based on driving safety
records, work absence records, and complaints and compliments from bus-riding customers, these three gentlemen are
officially the best bus drivers in Dallas.
WORST: Robert Erwin Devine, age 22, cook. In one 30-day period from mid-September to mid-October, Ramblin’
Robert received 22 moving violations, hit four cars and a house, and killed a dog.
SOUP
BEST: La Cave, Henderson Ave. On Wednesdays, and Wednesdays only, La Cave has regulars who come in for one
reason: the French onion soup. But other days are just as good. Nancy the Soupmaker says the onion isn’t even her
best. The thought of cabbage and cauliflower soup may not set your tastebuds dripping, but to taste is to believe.
Don’t ask Nancy for her recipes. She doesn’t have any.
WORST: Kobawoo Korean restaurant. Kobawoo’s soups aren’t really bad; just scary. Their fish soups are mystery
soups-mainly because it’s difficult to get a coherent description in English of the fish involved. But there’s a
good chance that among the creatures swimming around in there are octopi, skirt fish, jellyfish, and sea slugs. Yes,
sea slugs.
OVERSPENDING
BEST: The new Henry Moore sculpture at City Hall. Even though it ended up costing $450,000, it is, thank
goodness, an extraordinary and well-received addition to the public landscape. And how nice for old Henry that he
can retire now.
WORST: The children’s playground atHighland Park Methodist Church. Ohyes, it’s a very nice playground, with
verynice landscaping and a very nice parkinglot. It ought to be for three quarters ofa million dollars.
TOY STORK
BEST: Designs For Growing, Highland Park Shopping Village. A grand selec-tion of artistic and educational
playthings. Owned by two former teachers; the merchandise is divided ac-cording to age group. And any parent will
tell you the salespeople here really know their stuff.
BAKED POTATO
BEST: Texas Barbecue House No. 2, 616 Jackson, near the Dallas County Court House. Order it all the way and
what you get is a monstrous potato dressed with somewhere near a quarter-pound of butter, a mound of sour cream, a
handful of bacon bits, grated cheese, and chives. At 84￠ it’s a meal in itself. Besides that, you get to hang out
with a lot of bail bondsmen.
WORST: The Baked Potato Restaurant. A desecration of the noble spud. Butter, sour cream, and so forth are
worthy additions to the form, but who wants his baked potato filled with a giant frankfurter and chili, or shrimp
and lump crabmeat? Yech.
MUSEUM SOUVENIR
BEST: The Dallas Museum of Fine Arts gift shop sells matchbooks with Tom Wesselman’s famous lips painting
“Mouth No. 11” reproduced on the covers. Classy, useful, and they cost only 10￠.
WORST: The John F. Kennedy Museum sells a matched set of Jack and Jackie salt and pepper shakers (JFK is
salt, Jackie is pepper). What’s worse, the holes in the top are so big you can’t help but ruin your food.
ENTREPRENEURIAL VENTURE
BEST: Dan Stallings’s popcorn stand. Two and a half years ago, Dan was a chemical analyst at Texas
Instruments. He shucked his job, bought a red and white striped shirt and a straw hat, and started selling popcorn
in the basement of One Main Place. Today he works six hours a day selling popcorn at 25￠ to 50￠ a box, depending
on the amount of butter added. His faithful customers say his popcorn is the best they’ve ever tasted; Dan says it’s
because he uses only “Iowa-grown.” Dan sells about $150 worth of Iowa-grown a day; we figure that, considering his
minuscule overhead, Dan must be pocketing at least $25,000 a year.
WORST: Liquor Locker. The idea here was that women don’t like to go into liquor stores. So why not woo them
with a drive-in operation that would allow these timid souls to stay in their cars while they bought their booze?
Presto: Liquor Locker was born, with two Dallas locations. Problem was the stores attracted as many drunks cruising
through for one last pint as women. Result? Instead of drive-in, Liquor Locker became drive-into; the facilities
were battered by drunkenly driven automobiles. One store has closed. The company is for sale.
UNHERALDED ACHIEVEMENT
BEST: Dave Barker of the Dallas Zoo Herpetarium. A few months back, Dave became the first ever to breed the
Bismarck Ringed Python. That makes him the first human in the history of the world ever to see Bismarck Ringed
Python babies. The herpetarium ordinarily specializes in the breeding of albino rattlesnakes, but Dave wanted to do
something different.
OLD HOTEL RESTAURANT & BAR<BR>BEST: The Library Restaurant, Melrose Hotel. The venerable Melrose was
sold last February to a group of Chicago investors and in the last several months has seen some of its luster
restored. It’s particularly visible in the bar-restaurant, The Library. A warm and comfortable room, with stately
service appropriate to an old hotel, and food that, while not spectacular, is certainly better than adequate. It’s
great to see some life in this old place again. True to its name, the walls are lined with books, but don’t get too
excited – most are Reader’s Digest collections.
WORST: The Den, Stoneleigh Hotel. The Den has long been a great hangout bar, and it still is – for drinking.
For eating, it ain’t what it used to be. The food is mediocre and the service often impossible. (However, The Den
does have one saving feature that must be mentioned: The Ira Burger, a fat sandwich of thinly sliced prime rib, is a
legitimate nominee for Best Sandwich.)
ENERGY WASTE
BEST: The lighted outline of the Fort Worth skyline at Christmastime. It consumes a shameful amount of
electricity, to be sure. But it also transforms Fort Worth into an electric fantasyland, looking like some kind of
enormous stage set. More Christmas excess, yes, but nice excess.
WORST: Firewood at 7-Eleven. What some people will buy for the sake of convenience. You get three “logs”
(“pieces” is more accurate) for $1.99, or over 65￠ a log. And it’s pine, a relatively fast-burning wood. You can
get a cord of slow-burning oak for less than 30￠ a log. And you can have it delivered. Which is convenience, see.
ANTIQUE SHOPPING
BEST: Fairmount, Routh, and Salestreets. There are several good shopshere now, and a couple of great ones.For
merchandise, Rose Driver Antiqueson Sale St. is hard to beat. For antiqueappraisal, those in the know in theworld of
fine period antiques swear bythe Heirloom House on Fairmount.
WORST: The McKinney Avenue strip.With only a few exceptions, thesedealers seem to be resting on old laurels-
this was once the antique row. Nolonger. Cluttered and, worse, unimaginative. Bring your own dust cloth.
MARINA
BEST: Chandler’s Landing, Lake Ray Hubbard. The level of this lake dropped about six feet this year, so
Chandler’s Landing dredged a waterway.
WORST: Captains Cove, Lake Ray Hubbard. They didn’t dredge, and the boats are stranded. So while the boaters
here are moaning in dry dock, Captains Cove is demanding that the city raise the water level.
BRIDGE
BEST: The Jefferson Street Bridge.Every other access road to downtown Dallas can be jammed withtraffic, yet
the Jefferson Street Bridge will be free and clear. By virtue of its location it gets no freeway traffic. You only
have to drive a block out of your way to get on it, but nobody does.
WORST: The Singleton Street Bridge. This is the oldest bridge over the Trinity. It is also the lowest. When
the Trinity floods its banks, which happens two or three times a year, the Singleton Bridge goes under.
WAY TO SPEND $1.50
BEST: On a big mug of Irish Coffee at the NFL Lounge back of Lucas B&B off Oak Lawn. Or you can spend $7.50
on five mugs and find yourself singing Irish songs you never thought you knew.
WORST: On the elevator at Reunion Tower. Maybe if we all keep complaining they’ll drop the charge.
GARBAGE COLLECTION SERVICE
BEST: City of Fort Worth. For a small extra fee of $2.50 per month, they’ll pick the garbage up from your
garage or porch. A real boon to nine-year-old boys in Fort Worth who no longer have to make the trek to the alley
through the mud and rain.
WORST: City of Farmers Branch. They don’t make it easy. You have to use special sacks, which you have to buy
from the city for 20C apiece; on the sack are printed eight instructions for dumping your garbage, as required by
city ordinance, including how much weight you can put in each sack, when you can put your sack outside, and where
you can put it. Rule No. 9 will probably be “Clean Garbage Only.”
SALAD BAR
BEST: Cork ’n’ Cleaver. Salad bars have gotten to be a joke in the restaurant biz. Not here. Besides the
usual carrots, cucumbers, etc., this one offers fresh cauliflower, spinach, mushrooms, sprouts, olives, cottage
cheese, grated cheddar, and a host of other delights. The only problem is that you get back to the table with about
four pounds of salad and usually suffer the embarrassment of forcing the waiter to throw away three and a half
pounds.
WORST: Dunston’s Steak House, Lovers Lane. The mesquite-broiled steaks here are quite nice, but the salad bar
is pitiful. Iceberg lettuce and rock-hard jumbo croutons made from old “Texas Toast.” Period. If that’s all they can
offer, they could at least bring it to your table for you.
TRUCK STOP
BEST: Big Tex Mid-Continent Truck Stop, 2614 Big Town Blvd. Owned by Sego (out of Arkansas), this is one of a
nationwide chain; but in this case, that’s good. Truckers say these people treat them “like millionaires of the
road.” They provide 24-hour mechanical service for the trucks, good food, clean rooms – and wake-up service.
WORST: Dallas Truck Plaza, 1-35 at Pleasant Run. Truckers say the employees act like they really don’t like
their jobs. In fact, truckers say they act like they really don’t like truckers.
USELESS ORGANIZATION
BEST: The Dallas Martini Foundation. It exists solely to honor the noble martini, and does so once each year
with a martini bash, wherein the martini gets honored and the guests get hammered. Period.
WORST: Commission on the Status of Women. Created several years ago to advise the Dallas City Council, this
22-member committee has pretty much ineffectualized itself into oblivion. But it still exists, tackling the stirring
issues of the day. They once debated for 90 minutes on whether they should open their meeting with a prayer. And
then there was the one-hour discussion over whether one of the members should be allowed to do her needlepoint
during the meeting.
FORGOTTEN RESTAURANT
BEST: Gordo’s, on Cole Avenue. Gor-do’s used to be a popular pizza and beer hangout with SMU affiliations.
Now it doesn’t seem to be a hangout for anyone in particular, but it’s always full of people who appreciate the
still-good pizza and cheeseburgers and the time-warp ambience. Go Mustangs.
WORST: Jay’s Marine Grill on Oak Lawn. There are many reasons why this place has been forgotten. See menu for
details.
RADIO NEWS
BEST: Mitch Carr, KTXQ-FM. The news according to Mitch is delivered with wry irony that entertains as well as
it informs. From the obscure (“Remember in school when you had to learn about prime numbers…”) to the obvious
(“The TCU football game this week has been rated R for violence”), Mitch rarely misses.
WORST: WRR-FM. When daylight savings time did its annual fall switchover in October, the folks at WRR forgot
to change their clocks, and consequently broadcast the wrong time all day.
UNKNOWN PARK
BEST: Samuell East, on 1-20 just east of 1-635. Much larger than it appears from the road, this sleeper
offers a certain wide open solitude; even on a sunny Sunday you can have some space for yourself. It’s a great place
to let kids loose, with a collection of old farm implements for good climbing; ducks, guineas, and pheasants for
feeding; and several small fishing ponds for drowning worms.
WORST: Ferris Park, Young and Houston streets, downtown. This could be a lovely little inner-city
oasis. But unfortunately, through no fault of its own, it has become the nesting site for thousands of blackbirds.
One is hardly inclined to spread out a picnic blanket on a sea of white droppings.
UNDECLARED POLITICAL CANDIDATE
BEST: Tom Stephenson for Dallas County Sheriff. Tom, a Lakewood grocery store owner and bar manager, has not
yet filed for office, but he is laying the groundwork for his campaign. His slogan: “Tom Stephenson: Just as funny
as Carl Thomas, but not nearly as dangerous.”
WORST: Dr. Emerson Emory, perennial candidate for mayor, city council, and school board, who has never
garnered more than a handful of votes. Whatever he chooses to run for this year, Dr. Emory will lend stability to
the otherwise unpredictable political arena-you can be sure he’ll lose.
STAINED GLASS
BEST: John Kebrle, 2829 Bachman Drive. Kebrle’s grandfather worked in stained glass in Czechoslovakia and
John has inherited his Old World talents. The younger Kebrle’s specialty is religious glass, but he also does
residential work and occasionally will participate in a New World commercial effort.
WORST: The Peyton Auction, Sunday afternoons, Top Line Drive. If you wait long enough and have a keen eye,
you can sometimes mine a gem out of this assortment of European “stuff.” But not stained glass; these dusty shards
wouldn’t improve the looks of a Texaco men’s room.
STREET NAME
BEST: Kool Avenue. It’s in far South Dallas, one block north of Camel and two blocks north of Pall Mall.
WORST: Microwave Drive. It’s in far North Dallas. Of course.
LAW FIRM NAME
BEST: Attaway, Attaway & Attaway. We don’t know if they’re actually any good, but they definitely sound
confident.
WORST: Young & White. We suspect they don’t specialize in discrimination suits.
BUILDING RE-USE
BEST: The Palladium. Formerly the Windmill Dinner Theater, now a delightful, nightclub-like place for
interesting performers who don’t fill the larger halls. Here’s hoping the Palladium can make ends meet.
WORST: The Dallas Ballet Building. This stately old building in the Lee Park area will soon be no longer.
It’s being torn down by the Bank of Dallas to make way for drive-through banking. From pirouettes to bouncing
checks. Progress marches on.
PET CARE
BEST: The Grooming Table, Preston Royal Plaza. Mike and Marjorie Sampson run the place, and their customers
swear by their gentle care. No sedation and no tying down for the grooming process, and big setters are every bit as
welcome as little poodles. Also a large selection of pet supplies; this is the place to get a nightcap for your cat,
a horoscope book for your dog, and other necessities.
WORST: Keller’s Drive-In Hamburgers, E. Northwest Highway. Actually, the sparrows that live at Keller’s don’t
qualify as pets, because “pet” implies domestication and civility. These bold little buggers swoop down onto your
tray and steal your French fries. Not cute.
HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM
BEST: Presbyterian Hospital. Unlike many emergency rooms, which have a resident surgeon on call, Presbyterian
has a resident surgeon on duly at all times. There are private treatment rooms, the staff shows a sense of
concern for the patients, and, most comforting (and unusual) of all, financial arrangements are secondary to
treatment.
WORST: Medical City. You know you’re in trouble when you have to enter through the back door next to the
garbage pickup area. The hospital is owned by something called Humana Inc., out of Louisville. Their primary form of
pre-op seems to be a medication called prefinancial requirements.
CIVIC EMBARRASSMENT
BEST: Brad Corbett. The unpredictable, irascible owner of the Rangers is an occasional ambassador of
buffoonery in the nation’s sports pages. But Bad Brad does keep things interesting.
WORST: The Dallas Motion Picture Classification Board. These clowns maintain Dallas’s old image as a bastion
of provincialism. Too bad Brad Corbett can’t trade them to Cleveland for a first baseman.
STAFF OF WAITERS
BEST: Lombardi’s restaurant. The term “gracious host” was invented for owner Alberto. And his waiters are as
close to flawless as a restaurant staff gets.
WORST: The French Colony, Oak Cliff. We ordered beef bourguignonne. Our waiter remarked, “Beef bourguignonne.
What is that stuff, anyway?” The French Colony folded.
SPORTS COMMENTARY
BEST: Norm Hitzges, KERA-FM, Friday mornings. Norm has an eye for the unusual in the sports world; and he has
a way of keeping sports fu resisting the trend to make sports seem more important than they really are. He’s worth
waking early for.
WORST: Verne Lundquist. Why does Verne seem to think that a “Sports Commentary” requires the use of big
words? He must have already worn out three copies of Roget Thesaurus this year.
