As has been previously reported, Danny Balis has rejoined his old pal Mike Rhyner at The Freak, continuing the trend of Ticket radio talent finding their voice on another frequency. Because I have Balis’ phone number and compromising pictures of him from his childhood in Knox City, he agreed to participate in this interrogatory via text.
ROGERS: Are you deeply wounded that the DMN’s Sharon Grigsby hasn’t yet written a column about how you built a bunker and then slaughtered the people in that bunker and how her DNA on 23 And Me returned a match with you?
BALIS: There are far more scandalous reasons why Sharon’s DNA matched with mine. I may have misunderstood the question.
ROGERS: Are the rumors true that you were offered this job because, owing your recent experience with changing diapers on your newborn, you are prepared to similarly deal with Rhyner?
BALIS: Of course. Thankfully I was prepared on my first day, smartly bringing my son’s diaper bag to work, and able to manufacture an adult sized diaper in seconds to clean up the aftermath of Rhyner’s spicy five-piece lunch from Popeye’s.
ROGERS: Not to bring the room down, but are you and Corby still bros? He took Rhyner’s move to The Freak pretty hard. Now YOU?!
BALIS: Corby has been one of my closest friends for over two decades. I’m aware that emotionally this is odd for everyone. But my hope is once the dust settles we realize this is just a job. We’re still close. He texted me a Bob Dylan video earlier today. So maybe that means we’re NOT friends. Shit. You got me all confused.
ROGERS: Last question: do you like your gig?
BALIS: That wasn’t the question.
ROGERS: Bless you. Good luck, old man.
BALIS: Love your [redacted].
ROGERS: I feel like I shouldn’t include that part in the Q&A. You might get to say what you want at The Freak, but at D Magazine, we say only what doesn’t get us fired.
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