Sunday, June 26, 2022 Jun 26, 2022
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Politics & Government

Here’s the Short List for Dallas’ Next City Manager

This is an important decision. Let's take it seriously.
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Stock art!

A.C. Gonzalez was promoted to city manager of Dallas in 2014. Following Gonzalez’s short, unproductive tenure, T.C. Broadnax took over in 2017. News came down today that it appears he’ll soon be looking for future endeavors. That means Dallas is in the market for our next city manager. Here’s the way I see it:

A.C. Green: The NBA’s iron man holds the record for the most consecutive games played. So you know he’s tough enough to deal with Councilwoman Paula Blackmon. He spent three seasons with the Mavericks in the late ’90s, so he’s already familiar with the city, which is a huge plus. Oh, also, he remained a virgin during his entire 14-year NBA career, which means he knows how to resist temptation. We wouldn’t have to worry about any bogus gas-drilling schemes in public parks (looking at you, Suhm). He’d be a good choice.

J.K. Rowling: The writer has a great imagination and would come up with outside-the-box solutions for fixing the city’s permitting process. But she’s British. Someone would have to check the city charter to see if U.S. citizenship is a requirement to be the city manager of Dallas. That sounds like too much work.

J.J. Abrams: Yes! Can you imagine the new intro video that precedes every City Council meeting once the screenwriter and director gets ahold of it? The explosions! The car chase with Cara Mendelsohn! A very strong, action-packed candidate.

O.J. Simpson: Horrible choice. Bad joke.

This is a developing story; I will add to this post until I grow bored with it.

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Tim Rogers

Tim Rogers

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Tim is the editor of D Magazine, where he has worked since 2001. He won a National Magazine Award in…

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