Greg Abbott and Wendy Davis Agree to First Debate. It will be in Dallas on September 30, broadcast live from Channel 8’s Victory Park studio. I will be the shirtless man in the window with a crudely drawn version of the San Jacinto Monument on my chest. I always am.
Dallas Man Orders Most Expensive Starbucks Frappuccino. Ever? I think? And orders, not pays for, as he is a gold club member or whatever and it was his birthday. It cost (or would have) $55, had 60 shots of espresso, was served to him in a 128-ounce vase he brought from home, and OH MY LORD if I was the guy stuck waiting in line behind him, this story would instead be “Man in Fugue State Hammer Tosses 128-Ounce Frappuccino Into Sun, Immediately Ascends to Heaven And Is Canonized As a Saint.” Bright side: he didn’t bring in a gold chalice or a boot or something like that and essentially write the script for Jon Stewart. I haven’t checked the AP, but I assume the story starts with some variation on “Everything is bigger in Texas” and, you know what? Fine. This deserves that. COME ON.
DPD Expects to Save $1 Million on Squad Cars Next Year. [please say it’s because they’re all going to drive Segways please say it’s because they’re all going to drive Segways please say it’s because they’re all going to drive Segways please say it’s because they’re all going to drive Segways] Buying fewer cars because they’re driving fewer miles? Aw, man. BORING.