Leading Off (2/14/13)

US Airways, American Airlines Approve Merger. They’re supposed to formally announce today. The company’s new name is the sound of an eagle crying.

Mavs Win, Vince Carter Passes Larry Bird On All-Time Scoring List. Pretty nice accomplishment for Carter, even though lately his nickname should be Half Man, Half Suspect Shot Selection.

Chris Kyle Was Planning To Become A Police Officer. In Dalworthington Gardens, apparently.

North Texas Business Owners Join Governor Perry On California Recruiting Trip. “We knew this would be a pretty advantageous trip for us to join in on,” said Jim Wehmeier, president and CEO of the McKinney Economic Development Corporation. He added that the Chardonnay was both cold and plentiful.

Stars Lose 7-4. I think their problem is that they have Stephen King playing goal under his pen name. I mean, I like Different Seasons as much as anyone, but that guy was in a pretty serious car wreck. I, um, don’t really follow hockey.

A Few More Thoughts On Ant Guns. I realized after last week that maybe my focus was too narrow. I mean, if we’re going to open ourselves up to the possibility that some enterprising young arms manufacturer would go to the trouble of coming up with a gun for ants, why was I only thinking about a hand gun? Or a claw gun or whatever. You know what I mean. Ants work in teams, right? They’re soldiers. Why wouldn’t this young arms manufacturer, a rebel in the business, known for his devil-may-care ways, rakish good looks, and impossible ideas, why wouldn’t this guy–let’s call him Bolt Jericho–why wouldn’t Bolt Jericho come up with something bigger, utilizing the inherent collaborative nature of ants? He’d come up with a cannon, right? He wouldn’t even have to modify the trigger mechanism, really, just scale it down. So much simpler. And, obviously, more deadly. A bullet from an ant hand/claw gun? You’d be totally fine. But an artillery shell? DIFFERENT BALLGAME.


  • Kk.

    Your average everyday ant with a gun is one thing, but arming fire ants? Those are some angry, hate filled little bastards. I’m not usually one to discriminate, but I say NO to arming fire ants with weapons, they are naturally weaponized enough!

  • Raul Hinojosa

    You’ve redeemed yourself from the whole “ant gun” incident.

  • Nickname Trouble

    Three out of four of the novellas in Different Season became hit movies: Stand By Me, Apt Pupil and (Rita Hayworth and the) Shawshank Redemption.

    Fire ants deserve incendiary deaths. Ant flamethrower.

  • wescx

    You are still aiming low. If an ant could become a suicide bomber, and convert itself to pure energy, it would explode with the power of 60 tons of TNT.

    • wescx

      I spent an hour googling stuff on this and am probably on an FBI watch list now.

  • Zac Crain

    They may not believe your story, Wes, but call me and I’ll back you up. This is important work you’re doing here.

  • Lew Patton

    Ant guns, still a stupid discussion

    • Zac Crain

      You just strengthened my resolve.

  • Tim Rogers

    I’ll say it: Zac is the best at Leading Off. He has a gift.