In Praise of the Dallas Observer‘s Cheap Bastard

This week’s cover story in the Dallas Observer is “The Cheap Bastard’s Guide To Eating Like a Total Cheap Bastard in Dallas.” It is the first Observer cover story in a long time (or at least that I can recall) that feels to me like it’s actually alternative. Reading it doesn’t feel like homework. Alice Laussade (aka the Cheap Bastard) is a clever, profane writer. The accompanying illustrations and sidebars are quite funny. There’s a Venn diagram explaining kimchee fries. At the intersection of the two circles is, of course, kimchee fries. The left circle is “angels boning,” and the right circle is “a thousand meerkat smiles.” Yes, please. More of this. Maybe not every single week but certainly more often.

Note: you really need to pick up a hard copy of the paper. For one thing, the online version doesn’t even offer the intro to the story. Nor does it feature the Venn diagrams and other silly sidebars.


  • Dani K.

    Tim, don’t tell Mooney that his boy Brantley’s stories read like homework. His beard will grow soggy from tears.

  • Daily Reader

    I pick up my copy of the Observer every Thursday and scan the cover story on Wednesday’s. I don’t dare take the enjoyment out of reading it online. I wait until I can relax at home and read mostly cover to cover. You’re right, this week’s story looks like it’s promising to be an interesting, funny read.

  • Man Hands

    I’m so confused, Tim. I thought you said the Dallas Observer was supposed to be a “watchdog,” which is EXACTLY what they have been doing for many years. Now you want whimsy from your local tabloid. Have fun parsing your conflicting arguments.

  • David

    Cheap Bastard is not only the best thing inside the Observer, its probably the most entertaining column in Dallas since the early days of Wilonsky and Celeste. For every 5 copies of the Observer that I pick up, generally four of them are just because of Cheap Bastard. You read Schutze to kill 15 mins. waiting on your burger at the place Alice crudely suggested you try for lunch.

  • @Man Hands: I said the Observer wasn’t a good watchdog. And then I said it delivered delightfully informative whimsy. Where’s the conflict?

  • Learn How To Spell

    @Daily Reader: Wednesdays

  • It seems Tim is misunderstood so many times on this blog. I look forward to our meeting Tim. I will be able to lay out a successful plan that will have you receiving more Likes than Dislikes. Let me teach you to be loved or at least open to it.