FrontBurner

So before everyone heads out for their favorite patio and frosty libation, a friendly FrontBurner PSA: Even if you have a gated fence around your house, you should probably go ahead and close that garage door, and take your keys out of the vehicle and bring them inside.

Dallas County District Attorney Craig Watkins learned that the hard way.

A wishes-to-be-anonymous FrontBurnervian wonders if anyone else finds this deal-o-the-day’s beneficiary a little um, curious, given the deal?

Take two seconds and click here to see Justin Terveen’s work from last night. Very cool. (h/t Unfair Park)

Bank You Very Much. So remember how you could put your money in a bank and then you could go back and and get it out whenever you wanted and it was still your money? And then remember how everyone got debit cards and you could use those in stores instead of writing a check or carrying around cash and it was free? Yeah. That free part is going away slowly but surely.

Former Dallas Reporter Deemed “Adorable.” Former KTVT reporter Christina McLarty is HSO (that’s like Facebook Official, but is instead Howard Stern Official) with David Arquette, who told the Muppet-topped radio host that he found his new girlfriend “adorable.”

Why I Order Clothes From the Internet. Right here. And if you decide to try on clothes at a store, you might want to make sure you’re wearing nice skivvies.

Friday Question for Thieves. How is this easier than an actual job?

Friday Music for Your Ears. First this. Then this palate cleanser.

This week, our man Bill tackles the wilds of Harry S. Moss Park.

Really interesting (and very sad) story from my friend Brantley Hargrove over at the Dallas Observer today, about the toll this horrendous drought is taking on smaller ranchers across the state. With no meaningful rainfall in a year, the herds are thinning dramatically and an industry is partially cannibalizing itself.

“Sale barn owners are disturbed by the number of young, productive cows with years of calving ahead of them, all headed to meatpacking plants – an indication Texas cattle ranchers are cashing out.”

Pretty good (in that same sad way) slideshow of the reporting trip around Texas here.

Rangers Start Playoffs Against Rays on Friday. The Rangers secured the No. 2 seed thanks to Mike Napoli’s homer, so: REMATCH. How did it come about, on a wild last night in the bigs? “Evan Longoria’s walk-off homer in the 12th [against the Yankees], just moments after Baltimore scored two in the bottom of the ninth to beat the Red Sox, means that Tampa will head to Texas for the first round.” I still am behind on my DirecTV bill, and also behind on calling them to switch service to my new place, so I followed on Twitter, via tweets such as “NAPOLI” and “Oh god. Oh Jesus God.” (Sawx fan).

Arrest Warrant Issued in Denton for NFL Quarterback Impersonator. Stephan Pittman was arrested in D.C. for impersonating Eagles backup QB Vince Young, so now Denton prosecutors have issued a warrant for his arrest, too. Pittman received deferred adjudication after a sexual assault in Denton in 2009; his D.C. arrest means it has been deferred until right about now. So Denton is officially, really, pretty much the only place where someone like Vince Young is wanted these days. NAILED IT.

“Pilots Report More Laser Attacks in North Texas.” Now there is a headline. I’d click-thru that even if I was 90 percent certain there was a virus on the other side, or a recording of an old Jean-Jacques Taylor-hosted edition of The Soul Patch. Come on. Laser attacks. As for the story, there’s been a lot this year, and especially a lot recently. And this: “In a written statement, American Airlines spokesman Tim Smith emailed ‘aiming a laser at any aircraft is an extraordinarily dumb thing to do.'” Smith hit “send” and muttered something under his breath, and checked LinkedIn again, for the 20th — but not last — time of the day. He then stared at the picture of his kids for a good long time, until his eyes got sort of glassy, then listened to the Arcade Fire for the rest of the day with his eyes closed. I mean, probably. I’m not his biographer.

DA’s Office Nabs 14 of 17 Members of “Sophisticated” Theft Ring. The retail theft operation centered on TJ Maxx, apparently. In this story, authorities called it “major and sophisticated.” Which are probably the first two words that come to my mind when someone says “TJ Maxx.”

There have been 14 cases reported in Texas (four in Dallas County and two in Tarrant County), with at least two deaths in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. The tainted cantaloupes from Colorado probably won’t hurt most healthy adults, according to this, but they could kill elderly people or individuals with compromised immunity, and they aren’t good for pregnant women.

Former Secretary of Defense Robert Gates fielded questions last night from CNN’s David Gergen. The Boomer Brief has a good recap of the evening, including what Gates thinks is our biggest national security concern. Recommended.

Somehow we’ve been remiss in our attention to the Rangers, so much so that we neglected to talk about the fact that they’ve managed to become, for the second year in a row, the American League West Champions. And furthermore, they’re in the hunt for home field advantage.  In fact, with yesterday’s win over the Angels, the Rangers maintained their one-win lead over Detroit for home field advantage in the ALDS.

And who do we want to root for right now?  The Red Sox, says Evan Grant, in a column you can read if you can scale the pay wall.

Back in 2004, some kids in Plano tried to hand out candy canes at Christmas with this story about how candy canes having a Christian origin and reminding people that “Jesus is the reason for the season,” or some such thing. The principals at those schools put the kibosh on the handout, saying that it might offend some students and that the district policy precluded handing out such materials. Well, the parents of some of those children sued. And the case has been winding its way through the court system and appeals process ever since, with the most recent ruling giving the principals involved immunity from damages.

And yes, as a journalist, I like freedom of speech, and am awfully fond of the First Amendment. But, well, the story that started this whole mess? Not even true. Not even a little bit.