Rangers Start Playoffs Against Rays on Friday. The Rangers secured the No. 2 seed thanks to Mike Napoli’s homer, so: REMATCH. How did it come about, on a wild last night in the bigs? “Evan Longoria’s walk-off homer in the 12th [against the Yankees], just moments after Baltimore scored two in the bottom of the ninth to beat the Red Sox, means that Tampa will head to Texas for the first round.” I still am behind on my DirecTV bill, and also behind on calling them to switch service to my new place, so I followed on Twitter, via tweets such as “NAPOLI” and “Oh god. Oh Jesus God.” (Sawx fan).
Arrest Warrant Issued in Denton for NFL Quarterback Impersonator. Stephan Pittman was arrested in D.C. for impersonating Eagles backup QB Vince Young, so now Denton prosecutors have issued a warrant for his arrest, too. Pittman received deferred adjudication after a sexual assault in Denton in 2009; his D.C. arrest means it has been deferred until right about now. So Denton is officially, really, pretty much the only place where someone like Vince Young is wanted these days. NAILED IT.
“Pilots Report More Laser Attacks in North Texas.” Now there is a headline. I’d click-thru that even if I was 90 percent certain there was a virus on the other side, or a recording of an old Jean-Jacques Taylor-hosted edition of The Soul Patch. Come on. Laser attacks. As for the story, there’s been a lot this year, and especially a lot recently. And this: “In a written statement, American Airlines spokesman Tim Smith emailed ‘aiming a laser at any aircraft is an extraordinarily dumb thing to do.'” Smith hit “send” and muttered something under his breath, and checked LinkedIn again, for the 20th — but not last — time of the day. He then stared at the picture of his kids for a good long time, until his eyes got sort of glassy, then listened to the Arcade Fire for the rest of the day with his eyes closed. I mean, probably. I’m not his biographer.
DA’s Office Nabs 14 of 17 Members of “Sophisticated” Theft Ring. The retail theft operation centered on TJ Maxx, apparently. In this story, authorities called it “major and sophisticated.” Which are probably the first two words that come to my mind when someone says “TJ Maxx.”