Odd that the Philbin Awards luncheon was held today a the Belo Mansion, and yet Zac and Krista, who knew they would be attending, chose to wear jeans. Be that as it may, hold my hand and join me in the jump for a recap of one of the most boring speeches I have ever suffered through (plus a note about why the Dallas Morning News‘ Lee Hancock is buying drinks tonight):
You know Kenneth Starr. I’d call him a controversial figure. So I was prepared for a talk that would get the ol’ juices flowing. Okay, all that Clinton stuff is ancient history. Maybe not that. No Vince Foster suicide investigation. And we certainly won’t venture into Dave Bliss territory. But how about the challenge of running the oldest continuously operated institution of higher learning in Texas (as Baylor President Starr reminded us)? How about a take on the current political landscape and what it says about American culture?
No.
After a standing ovation upon his introduction (a lot of Republican lawyers in the room?), Starr got up and did his best Garrison Keillor imitation, speaking in a whisper, melodramatically drawing out the vowels in all his words. Only instead of giving us the amusing news from Lake Wobegon, Starr strung together a series of quotes from legal scholars with poorly tied knots like “consider the following” and “which merits quoting” and “which causes me to reflect on,” the upshot of which was: the First Amendment is good, and China is bad. Seriously. If you were there, tell me I’m exaggerating. The most controversial, thought-provoking thing that Starr said was that Nobel Peace Prize winner Liu Xiaobo shouldn’t be in jail. I take that back. He didn’t say Liu shouldn’t be in jail; he implied it.
It bears mentioning that when Starr concluded his speech, he did not receive another standing ovation.
So then. We all slapped each other and splashed iced tea onto our faces to wake up, and the Philbin Awards were handed out. Lee Hancock, of the DMN, won not one, not two, but three Philbins for best newspaper feature, for best online something or other, and for the best in show. Each prize comes with a nice check; the best in show prize alone is $1,500. Hancock wasn’t there to collect her loot. She’s down at Fort Hood, working. When she returns, if you know the woman, make her pay. She can afford it.
The other noteworthy winner: John Browning won two Philbins, the best suburban newspaper award for a piece he wrote for the Rockwall Herald Banner and the best magazine story award for something he wrote for D‘s Legal Directory.
To all the winners, huzzah. And to Kenneth Starr’s next audience, bless your hearts.
