One of our haiku contest winners was kind enough to write the following funny review of Hilary Swank’s gig Monday night. I’m a bit late getting it online, but it’s worth a read:
Ms. Swank deserves another Oscar for her performance Monday night. Don’t know how she kept a straight face during such gems from Quin Mathews as: “I think the Next Karate Kid was a more physical movie than Million Dollar Baby. Don’t you think?” H. Swank: “Did you see Million Dollar Baby?”
Mathews: “Why did the producers pick you for Boys Don’t Cry?” H. Swank: “You would have to ask them.” Mathews: “But, you must have some idea …” [awkward pause]
Mathews: “I think you have to be a life-long actor. You could never stop acting, right?” H. Swank: “No. I could stop whenever I wanted to. That was a funny question.”
For a few split seconds, I contemplated jumping up out of my seat and yelling, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET HER FREE,” but distracted myself by noticing that if I closed my eyes, Ms. Swank sounded sort of like Jillian, a trainer from my favorite show, The Biggest Loser.
Ms. Swank was “delightful” as the program bio promised. It didn’t mention “patient,” but it should have. I found myself hoping that she would spot me in the audience, look deep into my eyes, and know instantly that we were meant to be besties forever.
The program also mentioned her upcoming film Freedom Writers, circa 2007, so that could have used some updating.
Overall, the conversation was about 5% “succeeding against the odds” as advertised, about 10% awkward pauses, and 85% questions about The Next Karate Kid.
My grade. H. Swank: A-. I docked her a few points for her dress, which had a weird mini train attached to the back. Quin Mathews: Z-.
