Hope you had a happy St. Paddy’s, darlin’! About the only person who didn’t get lucky yesterday was poor Miss Pamela Barnes, as we saw last episode. This week’s episode picks up the next day—which is also the day of John Ross and Pam’s real, non-Vegas wedding at Southfork. Pam tries to get a preemptory strike in on Junior before the honeymoon, but goes 0-2 as he gets a call from the Railroad Commissioner’s office requesting a sitdown. More eager to get his uncle Bobby off his back than getting Pamela on hers, he leaves, but promises that he will be back in time for the nuptials. Sue Ellen takes her concerns regarding Junior’s trysts with Emma to Annie in the hopes that she will try to rein her daughter in once and for all, but when Annie begs for caution, Sue Ellen gets frustrated. It’s enough to make a girl want to hit something. Unfortunately, what she chooses to hit is the bottle.
John Ross shows up to see Commissioner Babcock, but is instead surprised to meet the leering visage of Harris Ryland. Ryland explains that he has Babcock in his pocket and will cheerfully direct the commissioner to help Junior out of Bobby’s injunction against fracking on the ranch, but only if Junior will return the files that Emma stole from his safe. Not ready to let such a powerful bargaining chip out of his grasp, John Ross instead offers up a single item of his choice from the stolen files. Soon he is calling Emma to retrieve an orange flash drive that Harris demands as his price, but she’s still smarting from their earlier exchange that morning when Junior let her have it for the lingerie stunt she pulled and shows up empty-handed. After some gentle reassurances, he sends her back on her way to get the thumb drive.
Junior hooks up with Ryland again, this time at what appears to be The Best Little Whorehouse in Highland Park. After wading his way through a casting call for a stage production of Eyes Wide Shut, Harris ushers him into a room full of video monitors that display the various sleaze going on in the bordello’s rooms. One of them has Babcock getting his rocks off with a sheepdog. Before you guys start dashing off your letters to TNT, it’s not a real sheepdog—Babcock’s just into furries. It’s enough to make him ripe for blackmail and John Ross goes for it.
Back at Southfork, the wedding party and guests are getting restless wondering where the groom is. The show gives us a chance to check in with some old-school Dallas vets: Lucy arrives once again with Ray Krebs (whose wedding duds make him look like a riverboat gambler) and Afton Cooper, who as Pamela’s mom gets up in Sue Ellen’s grill about Junior’s tardiness. We’re almost treated to a good, old-fashioned Dallas catfight but Annie manages to calm everyone down.
Christopher returns from Mexico, telling Bobby what he managed to find out. His visit with Lucia Trevino didn’t turn up anything new, but wasn’t totally fruitless: before leaving he managed to plant a seed of doubt with regard to Nicolas’ fidelity. As for cracking the mystery of who Nicolas Trevino really is, the Ewings put their Man in Mexico, Carlos del Sol, on the case. Meanwhile, Nicolas gets a call from Drew Ramos (who’s been on the lam since last season for planting the bomb on the Ewing oil platform) reporting on Chris’ visit with Lucia. When Chris spies Elena making cozy with Nicolas at the wedding he tries to tell her that Trevino’s a married man. Nicolas assures Elena that it’s a marriage of convenience and that he and Lucia have been out of love for some time.
After barging in on Babcock and Benji and getting the commish’s word that he’ll back John Ross on his play against Bobby, Junior tries to get a DVD copy of Babcock’s transgression from Ryland. Of course, Harris won’t let it go until he gets the flash drive. Emma (who takes her sweet time in the hopes of making John Ross even later for his wedding) drops it off with Bub, who takes it to Ryland’s whorehouse. And just in the nick of time, since John Ross is about to become an unwilling participant in a threesome with two of Harris’ best Turtle Creek tail. Junior hightails it back to Southfork for the wedding, where he endures Pamela’s tears and Sue Ellen’s accusations long enough to finally get married.
During the reception, John Ross informs Bobby that his prairie chicken gambit is played out and the fracking of Southfork Ranch is back on schedule. After a furious call to Babcock, all appears lost until Sue Ellen says she can help stop her son. Chris gets hot and heavy with his hee-haw honey Heather in the stables and after a montage of sexy-time (Christopher and Heather, John Ross and Pamela, Elena and Nicolas, Emma and a quart of Chunky Munky), Nicolas receives a visit from his wife Lucia who is none too happy with what she’s hearing about Elena. As a good Catholic, she refuses to divorce him and bring shame upon their children.
Back at the bordello, Harris goes in to see the madam—who is, of course, his mom Judith. He happily tells her that the contents of the flash drive (info on dealing swith the drug cartel and some My Little Pony fanfic), is safely out of Ewing hands. When Mama Ryland complains about the rest of the files, Harris lets her in on the next phase of his scheme. Those girls who tried to jump John Ross’ bones earlier? Thanks to some strategically placed cameras, they’ve got pictures that make it look like Junior got it on with them.
Mom chides Harris for his entry-level blackmailing skills, but wait, there’s more.
One of the girls in the picture, she’s sixteen. Mom’s starting to dig it, but there’s still not enough sleaze to make it a true Ryland original. That’s when Harris goes all in.
Remember Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress and how one particular stain on it almost brought down a president? Well, they have the teen prostitute’s dress- they just have to get the stain on it. And that’s where Candace, John Ross’ secretary, comes in . . .
So that is where we leave last night’s episode, “Lifting the Veil.” I am off to take a long, long shower (you guys read that last scene. . .imagine how it feels to type it), but first let’s dust off our Mapscos because we’ve finally got some location shooting. The front of the Plaza of the Americas served as the meeting place for John Ross and Emma Ryland.
See y’all back in seven for next week’s episode!
