Rick Perry Prepares For His Tonight Show Appearance

"Say, Ricky, I was thinking. With Leno coming up on Thursday, we might ought to bring in someone to get you all squared away. This is our Hugh Grant moment, Ricky. We gotta kill it."

"Cheese and crackers, Joe. What the H, man? You saw the text Foxworthy sent me after Letterman."

"AND I QUOTE: 'If you can deliver a Top 10 List like that, you might be a president.' Jeff GD Foxworthy, Joe."

"Calm down, Ricky. It ain't gonna hurt anything to bring in someone for a little tune-up. This is important. I already got someone, and he's waiting outside. A real up and comer. Son, could you come on in?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

(daydreaming)

(synthesizer music plays)

(softly) "Dang." (louder) "OK, just this once."

(in an inexplicable Brooklyn accent) "OK, Governor Perry. Can I call you Rick? Rick. We have to be ready for whatever Leno throws at us. So I thought we'd do a practice run with some of the jokes he's been making about you. Tina, Russ, could you bring it in?"

"Fantastic. Now I'm going to stand behind this cutout and fire some jokes at you."

"Fantastic. Now I'm going to stand behind this cutout and toss some jokes at you. Hit me with your best comebacks. OK? A one-liner or two. Don't be afraid to get a little dirty."

"Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just thought it was an American city because there were so many Mexicans there."