This week we meet up with Levi at a local modeling agency where he’s holding an open call for hot bods to demo his underwear line at the Inch Wear launch party. One at a time, models enter wearing the product. Levi seems to forget he’s working. Or that he has a boyfriend.
Next, Taylor and Levi are walking the dogs and Taylor breaks the news that he’ll be on a business trip the night of the Inch Wear party. In addition to insisting the dogs are inbred, Levi tells Taylor he’ll be missed. But I already watched this whole episode and I know that’s a big fat lie. The part about being missed, not the inbred thing because I think that could be legit.
Taylor should have stopped when he heard he’ll be missed but he couldn’t help himself, “We’ve been, like, dating for a few weeks now and, like, I kind of wanna know where we stand.” Levi doesn’t have an answer prepared so he pretends to have an important smartphone matter to handle. Taylor accuses him, “Who are you messaging? Chase?”
Taylor, stop. Levi wouldn’t do that. What’s that, Levi? Oh, sorry, Taylor, he would do that. But still, shut up.
Taylor: I just want to know how you see things going.
Levi: I’m not seeing anyone else, are you?
Taylor: No, I’m not. So, you would say we’re boyfriends then?
Levi: You and this boyfriend word.
Tay. Lor. Stop it. You’re on TV, where’s your dignity?
Next, Levi and Johnny the party planner are checking out a venue. Cut to Levi’s private interview where he turns into a valley girl, “Everything has to be purfuuct.” Then he gets all philosophical, “I’m evolving as a person, my business is evolving. And I just had the greatest idea to take my party to the next level.”
Levi runs the plan by Johnny, “I see models in gorilla outfits, the mask comes off. They’re in underwear.” Levi, have you been smokin’ something other than cigs?
Over dinner, Levi tells Chase that Ashley’s photos were “overexposed crap.”
So Chase goes shopping with Phillip and tells him the photos from the shoot aren’t being used. Phillip doesn’t take it very well and he hasn’t even found out he’s been replaced with apes.
Next, Levi (wearing a shirt that says “stay hard”) meets Chase for a super flirtatious workout at Larry North. Chase tells Levi to stop lusting, Levi tickles Chase. Seriously, don’t tickle people in a gym. In fact, don’t tickle.
Elsewhere, Phillip breaks the photo news to Ashley, “He pretty much said your work wasn’t good enough.”
Ash is upset, “I dropped everything that I was doing to make those photos happen for him.” What were you doing? Hanging out with your husband?
Ashley looks at Phillip and points to her eye, “Do you see that? That’s a tear.” Actually I don’t see anything, Ashley. But I did see the photo shoot with high noon sun on your subject.
Rewind. Pause. Nope, still don’t see a tear.
Levi invites Taylor and Chase to a friendly game of poker. Taylor lets us know, “I’ve never gambled. It’s against my religion.” So he tosses religion and joins the game. But when he picks up on a little flirtatious vibe between Levi and Chase, Taylor starts to cry.
OMG. Tickling in the gym. Crying during a poker game. You can be gay and still be a grown-up. You know that, right?
You can be a jerk too. Just like Chase, “I have no problem taking anything from Taylor; his chips, his dignity.”
So Taylor folds. Chase notices. And Levi dreams about scantily clad monkeys.
Next, it’s the day of the Inch Wear party and we get a glimpse of the models rehearsing the striptease routine they’ll perform later, dressed as gorillas. This has to be the moment where at least one of the gorilla strippers ponders his life and says, “Where did I go wrong?”
Levi wants to make sure we get the deep meaning of the monkey thing, “It’s just the idea of Ape evolving into man and man is really good looking and has a good pair of underwear on.” I’m pretty sure those are the words Darwin was looking for.
The party has started and Ashley arrives in a 95% transparent black dress, ready to suck Levi’s blood. She corners him and hisses. He tells her he can’t talk about it tonight but she’s not having any of that. So he takes the high road and acknowledges the positive, “Thank you for the pictures, we got one good one.”
Ashley is fuming so she pulls Chase aside to trash Levi. While they’re talking, the men in gorilla suits start to file out. Ashley is frightened, “I can’t deal with that, I’m so scared.”
Ashley, you do realize these aren’t real gorillas, right? She must not because she gets close to Chase for protection.
Call me crazy but if I were under the impression that a half a dozen apes could reach out and grab me, I’d climb a tree before I sought cover with a man who wears silk scarves.
Cut to Phillip sharing his opinion about the monkey suits, “That’s so random, I mean this has nothing to do with underwear.” Phillip, connect the dots- monkeys, undergarments, evolution. Get it? If you do, call me and explain it.
Next, Chase tells us, “Levi did a very good job picking the models because when they stripped out of those costumes, I turned into a top. But just for about 15 minutes.”
After Levi issues a big welcome using a banana shaped microphone, Ashley attacks again.
Ashley: Let’s talk about this, honey.
Levi: Shut up, I’m not going to do this.
Ashley: One picture?
Levi: I didn’t know you had nipples until today.
Ashley: What the Hell does that mean?
Ash, it means we can all see through the dress just like you planned. For real, I saw your crack. And calm down, he’s gay.
But Ashley believes gay men shouldn’t notice if she’s practically naked. So she throws her drink in his face.
Later, Levi is handing out bananas as party favors and approaches Ashley and James. James defends Ashley’s behavior and Levi makes a point from his alcohol induced haze, “We’re talking about professionality.”
Is that even a word?
Ashley starts in on Levi again but he interrupts her, “Oh, sorry, your nipple just winked at me.”
She throws another drink in his face and glass number 2 shatters on the ground. She storms out of the party yelling something I can’t quite make out then shouts, “Oh my gosh, I just said a bad word for you, that is a shame.”
Drop the charade, Ash. You’re one layer short of nude at a male genitalia measuring party, drinking alcohol, punching people and breaking glassware. You want us to believe you hurl cuss words only in rare fits of self-defense?
The party ends and Chase tells Levi, “I’m proud of you, Baby.” Levi kisses Chase. And kisses him again. And again.
Viewers across America scream at the TV, “NOOOOOO.”
Chase invites Levi to his place for a cocktail and they drive away. Levi, you’re a total bad a** jerk. If you weren’t so beautiful, we’d hate you.
