THE CHILDREN SPEAK OUT: ’HAVING DADDY GONE WAS BETTER THAN ALL THAT FIGHTING’

SOMETIMES CHILDREN have a clearer perspective about divorce than their parents would ever dream possible. Here is a sampling of their wisdom.

“I know I’m just 10, but somebody has to be the man of the house now that Daddy’s not here. So I try to watch what Mom spends at the Safeway. She doesn’t get enough child support. We haven’t seen Daddy since I was nine. But I think that’s better. Mom used to cry a lot when he was around. Now she doesn’t cry anymore.” -Kevin, age 10.

“I realize that my dad has done a lot of bad things. He hurt Mommy a lot. I’m angry at him for that, but I still love him. He’s actually pretty smart. He’s done a lot of good stuff for the money he’s made. He’s my father; that’s all I know.” -Patricia, age 14.

“I was only five when my parents split up. I really didn’t know what was going on. But I really missed my dad and felt really funny just seeing him on weekends. It was like you’re pushed together and you have to have fun, no matter what you feel like, even if you feel rotten or something.” -Dale, age 14.

“It was such a relief not to have all that fighting and screaming around the house anymore. I was 11, and I mean all I ever heard was fighting and screaming and cussing. I used to find an excuse not to come home from school. And summers were terrible until I started going to summer camp.” -Reuben, age 16.

“The divorce didn’t make any difference to me. I was sort of glad they were getting it. The only problem was when we lived in an apartment with Dad while Mom stayed in our house. It was inconvenient to my school and things. But we’re living at home now, and it’s a lot better. The divorce is just okay with me.” -Mark, age 11.

“Divorce means when two people separate because they no longer love each other. I really like my father’s house because we do a lot more. We go to football games and stuff.” -Jimmy, age 9.

“Dad gets to play golf a lot more now, and he’s nicer to us. Maybe it’s because he gets to play more golf. I see Dad every other weekend for the whole weekend. I have to spend the rest of the time at home with Mom and my stepdad. I was a little scared at the beginning when Dad left and we were alone with Mom, you know, there wasn’t a man around to protect us. It’s kind of sad that I don’t get to see Dad more than I do. I talk to Mom a lot more than 1 used to.” -Milly, age 10.

“The divorce had no effect on my life at all. It didn’t take me long to get over it. I’ve got a job now. If your parents start complaining about each other to you, you should kick them out of the house. It’s a lot easier on everyone that way.” – Alec, age 16.

“I feel a lot freer now. Dad doesn’t tell me what time to get home and nag Mom about how late she lets me stay out. I really wish they had gotten a divorce a long time ago. I’ll be a lot more careful than they were before I get married. Dad was seeing other women. I didn’t believe it at first, but he was. I’m not going to marry for a long time. I’m just going to date and look around.” -Lora, age 17.

“It was something strictly between my mom and dad. None of my business. But I still sort of wonder if it’s my fault. Like maybe just having me made them hate each other. I think it was for the good. It won’t affect my marriage because everyone’s divorced nowadays.” -Bryan, age 12.

“Mommy and Daddy don’t love each other anymore, so they’re going to live away from each other. My dad’s got a real neat apartment with a swimming pool. Mommy gets to sleep alone now in her bed.” – Troy, age 7.

“Divorce means when two people can’t live with each other. I couldn’t get a divorce because I’m not married. See you have to be married. I wish my mommy and dad could live together with us cause I really miss my daddy, and now Mommy has to work, she says.” -Sarah, age8.

“I hate it when they complain about each other. That really hurts me. Especially when my mom’s friends and my grandparents start telling me what a creep my dad is. It makes me kinda mad.” -George, age 11.

“I couldn’t believe that my father was really sleeping with other women like Mom said. In fact, it wasn’t until she showed me the report from the private investigator and those pictures of him with other women that I started thinking, ’God, are you naive.’ I wish in a way she never would have told me that. To me that’s the hardest thing -realizing that your father is fooling around, that he cheats. But I still love him a lot. This is just very hard for me to accept, I guess.” – Trudy, age 19.

“I still can’t believe my mother was fooling around. How could she? I wanted to hit my dad when he told me. I left for awhile after he told me. I’d just rather not think about it. I think marriage sucks right now.” – Paul, age 18.

“Even though I have my own family to worry about right now, the divorce absolutely ripped me apart. The worst of all is when parents use the divorce as a battleground. There was nothing gentle about my parents’ divorce after all those years. It was quite shocking. And seeing the two people you love so much go for each other’s jugulars just tears you right in half. I sometimes feel as if each one has an arm and is just pulling.” – Sharon, age 20.