Cities have stereotypes when it comes to dating. My clients complain that people in Dallas are fake–that the girls are pretentious and the guys are rude. Others complain that it’s hard to meet people outside of a certain group or clique. It’s time to snap out of it. What we believe becomes our reality and by giving weight to these concerns, we’re expecting everyone we meet to be shallow and insecure.
You can’t expect to find authentic people if you’re not putting yourself in situations to find them. Think about where you are going to meet potential dates. Clubs are filled with plenty of people, but are they filled with the right people? In my experience, it seems as though many people who frequent them are insecure.
When you’re already vulnerable and looking to put yourself out there, insecurities can multiply quickly. How do you expect to find someone you can love and be with for the rest of your life if you don’t understand yourself? Usually after a client breaks up with someone I tell them it’s time to take care for themselves. Work diligently to find out what you really want and get to know yourself better. We have a tendency to want to find companionship, but understanding what you want and where you are is vital.
We spend so much time working to get to know others, but we often don’t put the same leg work in to getting to know ourselves. After we learn, accept, and process what baggage we are carrying with us, we can start to identify what we want in our lives and then we can start to meet people in a lasting way.
Pretentious, rude people are everywhere–all over the planet–not just in Dallas. Your choices, your comfort level and your level of self authenticity dictates how you experience these people. We usually align ourselves with people who are similar to us. So stop saying that Dallas is fake–unless you are, too.
Ashley Berges is a Dallas-based life coach, family therapist, and syndicated radio talk show host of Perspectives with Ashley Berges, which can be heard on 570 AM KLIF and 660AM KKSY. She has written three books; her most recent is The 10-Day Challenge to Live Your True Life. Visit her website at www.ashleyberges.com.
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