Belorussian Government Report Blasts U.S. Officials for Not Letting Texas Secede

Belarus, that freedom-hating stronghold of authoritarianism in an otherwise democratized Europe, would like to let you know it thinks Texas should be allowed to split from the United States thankyouverymuch. A “human rights report” by the country’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs reads:

In November, people in seven American federal states collected sufficient numbers of signatures necessary for a secession from the USA. The civil petitions have been posted on a White House website’s special section, where people can leave their submissions or join those posted earlier. To begin dealing with a petition, the White House needs to receive at least 25 thousand signatures in 30 days. Once this requirement is met, an official response will be published on the website.

The Texas’ petition gathered more than 125 thousand signatures. The petition points out that the US economic travails resulted from the Federal Government’s failure to reform fiscal policies. In addition to Texas, Louisiana, Florida, North Carolina, Alabama, Georgia and Tennessee have also collected the required numbers.

So far, the White House has not considered the civilian petitions, which can be regarded as violation of the right to self-determination.

Wait, I have a great idea. Why don’t we fund a trip to Belarus for the folks who want to secede from the United States? That way they can see what happens with little infrastructure, crumbling social safety nets, and a failed federal government.

(via Foreign Policy, via Radio Free Europe)


  • 1stand10burger

    we don’t need to travel to Belarus to see what happens w/ crumbling social safety nets and a failed federal government. We’ve got that already.

  • laurenacarlton

    Texas would fail if we were to secede. We get so much funding from the federal government since Gov Perry refuses to spend money on things like infrastructure and education. (Can our state congress amend the constitution to add term limits to the seat of governor? Pleeeeeeeeeeease?! I can’t take anymore of that woman-hating d-bag.)

    • Cody Shawver

      Actually, Texas is one of the few states that gets less from the federal government than it sends.

  • TrueTexan

    Not sure what a Belarus is, but if it’s from Europe it can’t be good. This is all a ploy to distract us from the disintegration of the E.U.
    (Also, just got a report from the parallel universe where Texas seceded last year. It was written in Spanish.)

  • Jane
  • Neal K

    Actually, the government of Belarus is very effective – at crushing and impoverishing its people.

  • Guest

    “folks who want to secede from Texas?” I am sure you meant to type the US.

  • BradfordPearson

    Ah, yes. Apologies.

  • Opal Jones

    “That way they can see what happens with little infrastructure, crumbling social safety nets, and a failed federal government.”

    Yeah, they turn from small colonies into the assassination, torture police state the US has now become.

  • Amy West

    Wow! What drivel. It is a shame that anyone can publish their own ignorant opinion and try to call it “news.” Regarding his comment about travel to Belarus; we see it every day. Furthermore, I would suggest his own happy self will be hitting the trail soon enough in liberal dominated territories he finds more accommodating—at least until reality sets in when they are the ones who have to pay for all the worthless programs, subsidies, and other handouts with their own dang money instead of relying on conservative taxpayers. I look forward to that reckoning where they will reap exactly what they have sown. Maybe a friendly Texan will give you a ride to the Northern border to help you on your way before it is secured. For every librat leaving, there are ten highly skilled/intelligent patriots ready to move to the new Texas, and rise or fall, we won’t be doing it on the backs of someone else. Vive la liberté!

  • paoligarcy

    Jane, THOSE NUMBERS ARE RIGGED. The federal government SPENDS DOUBLE WHAT IT TAKES IN FROM TAXES. So comparing spending vs taxes is BEYOND IDIOTIC!

    If Texas seceded, collected income tax and spent DOUBLE what it took in like the fed does, it would mean an EXTRA $15,000 PER MAN, WOMAN, AND CHILD in Texas!

    It’d be like this: If I tell you to give me your $50,000 salary each year, and then went to a bank and asked for them to give me $40,000 in loans and I USED your salary as collateral, then handed you back your salary…. would you be happy with that situation?

    When you apply for a loan for yourself, you’d find you can’t take out loans because I’ve already taken out that $40,000 in loans on your behalf.

    Not to mention half of the “spending” we get back in Texas is HARMFUL. The US federal government counts IRS/FDA/EPA agents harassing our businesses, Federal court costs, and other NEGATIVE spending as part of that count. I say NO THANKS to that spending!

  • paoligarcy

    Yes, the irony is Texas is GOING to secede no matter what.

    Whether it happens now, as the “Texas Republic”, a Christian capitalist nation or…. 50 years later as the “República del Río Grande” a Mexican socialist nation… that is the only question really.

    I’d prefer the former personally.