In the last couple of weeks, we’ve seen a kid bring a loaded gun to school and, as Bethany mentioned this morning, crack cocaine. What dangerous and/or illegal item should we expect to turn up in school next?
Pot (odds 2/5): More than likely this is already happening, and there is at least one teacher or janitor who has kept the discovery quiet, you know, to protect the kid.
Knife (odds 2/1): Again, probably already happening. You know what’s to blame? Whittling. It’s always — always — whittling.
Baseball bat (6/1): Only dangerous depending on who has it in their grimy little paws. But as someone who has a fairly prominent scar between his eyes that came from a bat, I rarely dismiss this scenario. “Hey, look at me, I’m Josh Hamilton — oh, sorry, Jimmy.”
Decommissioned Sherman tank (2,000/1): Look, I like to keep an open mind. Would it happen? Probably not. Could it happen? Maybe. Keep your head on a swivel. That’s not my motto. It’s actually “Snitches get stitches.” But the other thing, that’s a good idea.
Mom’s “headache” medicine (5/2): It’s in a bottle, makes a funny sound, and I bet more than a few pre-school kids have ended up with this in their bags just because one of their parents was trying to distract them during the drive in.
A copy of Howard Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States (odds 1,000,000/1): Dangerous ideas, man. Dangerous ideas.
