What Dangerous And/Or Illegal Thing Will a Kid Bring To School Next?

In the last couple of weeks, we’ve seen a kid bring a loaded gun to school and, as Bethany mentioned this morning, crack cocaine. What dangerous and/or illegal item should we expect to turn up in school next?

Pot (odds 2/5): More than likely this is already happening, and there is at least one teacher or janitor who has kept the discovery quiet, you know, to protect the kid.

Knife (odds 2/1): Again, probably already happening. You know what’s to blame? Whittling. It’s always — always — whittling.

Baseball bat (6/1): Only dangerous depending on who has it in their grimy little paws. But as someone who has a fairly prominent scar between his eyes that came from a bat, I rarely dismiss this scenario. “Hey, look at me, I’m Josh Hamilton — oh, sorry, Jimmy.”

Decommissioned Sherman tank (2,000/1): Look, I like to keep an open mind. Would it happen? Probably not. Could it happen? Maybe. Keep your head on a swivel. That’s not my motto. It’s actually “Snitches get stitches.” But the other thing, that’s a good idea.

Mom’s “headache” medicine (5/2): It’s in a bottle, makes a funny sound, and I bet more than a few pre-school kids have ended up with this in their bags just because one of their parents was trying to distract them during the drive in.

A copy of Howard Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States (odds 1,000,000/1): Dangerous ideas, man. Dangerous ideas.


  • mynameisbill

    I would think ‘The Origins of Species’ by Sir Charles Darwin, could get a few GOPers and First Baptist Church reverends underoos, in a bind.

  • Obama’s Seat

    Uh, that book is probably in the library already, but I doubt the Bible is.

  • Peterk

    I think Zinn’s book has been used for years in the school system. a better one would a copy of Hayek’s Road to Serfdom or Milton Friedman’s Capitalism and Freedom

  • Steve

    Roasted, gold leafed fetuses? For black magic, of course.

  • ket

    Why wouldn’t the bible be there? Most school libraries have a vibrant collection of mythology books. Greek mythology reads better than the bible, but to each his own.

  • RAB

    A copy of the Constitution?