‘Possum Takes It On the Chin; Dallas Looks Good

opossumWoke up this morning, opened the front door, and found an opossum dead. I put on my Varmint Gloves, held my breath, double bagged the corpse and put it on the curb. Then, I called 3-1-1 and told the City of Dallas to pick it up. Twenty minutes later, a city guy calls my cell phone, asks me what’s in the bag (I tell him) and next thing I know, the carcass is gone. Moral of the story: If you want something disappeared, call 3-1-1. I’m not sure if this works in all cases (the removal of in-laws, annoying supervisors and rich widows might require more planning). The opossum above isn’t the same as the one that was bumped off. You wouldn’t have wanted to see how that fellow looked, believe me.


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19 responses to “‘Possum Takes It On the Chin; Dallas Looks Good”

  1. Brian says:

    we had a dead opossum in a trash can in deep ellum, but, wait, he or she was playing. foul smell and all. Later, long gone. Its not its fault, its how they are built. They play dead when scared and dont even know it. Dave’s sounds like it had more issues, so.
    When a neighbors cat was dead in the ally, 311 got somebody out ASAP. Our dumpster company said, NO. Still the poor double bagged kitty had to wait till monday to move along.
    still, opossums are really, Relaay good at playing possum.

  2. drew says:

    Could be a warning? Retaliation for the hit put out on the D Magazine roach maybe?

  3. Dave Moore says:

    Brian: If this animal were just playing ‘possum, it was actually working flies into its act and it was oozing. So, if this was acting, O. Possum deserves an Oscar and I’m sorry I laid waste to such a promising young talent. And Drew: I don’t know nothin’ about any hit on any roach. You must have me confused with someone else.

  4. monkey god says:

    I guess I’m one of few people who use a shovel to bury animals. No plastic bags involved. Place the animal in a hole or mulch pile and let nature do its thing. I guess I’ve always been green.

  5. Dave Moore says:

    I’ve already buried three animals in my backyard. Any more and I’ll have to change my name to Igor (that’s Eye-gore).

  6. drew says:

    “You just made a yummy sound, so I thought you liked the possum.”
    “I didn’t make a yummy sound, I just asked you what it is.”

  7. Bethany says:

    Possum’s creep me out. They look like giant rats.

  8. monkey god says:

    The John Wayne Gasey of animals.

  9. Spamboy says:

    Possum dead at your front door? Dang, Dave — whatcha keeping in your trash cans?!

  10. Dave Moore says:

    Spamboy: Did I mention the ‘possum was wearing a lobster bib at the scene of the assault?

  11. publicnewsense says:

    Can possums get crypto?

  12. mike shropshire says:

    ‘Possum don’t make good eatin`– but if you cook one on a spit and let the drippin`s flavor a couple of sweet potatos roastin` in the coals–man, that’s really livin`.

  13. monkey god says:

    I wish that picture was taken this morning. I could use some snow in my yard.
    Possum is like a giant crypto. One possum in the pool would clear the pool faster than a rumor of crypto being in the pool. Just think your in a pool, you turn around and a possum is swimming toward at record speed.

  14. Dave Moore says:

    Waiter! Waiter! What’s this ‘possum doing in my pool?

  15. East Dallas Eccentric says:

    My late Daddy used to play this song:

    Possum up a ‘simmon tree
    Raccoon on the ground
    Raccoon says to the possum,
    Won’t you shake them ‘simmons down?

  16. East Dallas Eccentric says:

    BTW ‘simmon is short for persimmon.

  17. Spamboy says:

    @Dave Moore: no, you didn’t. That totally changes my opinion about the possum. And you.

  18. monkey god says:

    Dave Moore
    You would be under investigation if this possum was named Jenny. Just imagine all the possum killer signs. People would say you should have sent this possum to Tennessee not Dave Moore’s house.

  19. Dave Moore says:

    One reader e-mails: He should have included our opposum story…3-1-1 does not get the city to come remove them from inside your house.
    Dear Opossum Insider: If they come for our domestic opossum, what’s next? Doesn’t the Constitution protect our right to Keep and Bear Opossum?