But Where Can I Find a Swingline Stapler?

Three intern amigosOK, I’ve worked here at D CEO, part of the D empire, for about a week now but I’ve only met about five full-time employees (though the company claims to employ about 200).

Here’s how most of the introductions have played out:

DAVE: Hi, I’m Dave Moore, the new guy, I work over there (point to empty cubicle).

INTERN: Oh, hi. I’m an intern.

Both parties pause for an awkward moment and walk away.

If I turn up any additional full-time, bonafide employees, I will post accordingly. But I fear that this organization is actually run by Southern Methodist University sophomores (see photo exhibit A, from left: Raya Ramsey, Christina Murphy and Jordan Shuler).


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17 responses to “But Where Can I Find a Swingline Stapler?”

  1. Kristin Haun says:

    Um, I said hello last week!

  2. Xavier says:

    Is Celeste running D CEO?

  3. Eric Celeste says:

    FNG ruining it for everyone.

  4. Nigel Tufnel says:

    Was Eric’s first comment edited? I kinda liked the original version.

  5. jrp says:

    tell him, eric. dave, smile, say hello, return to cubical. how hard is it?

    i work in a three-person office with two 50something men. i’m dying over here for some SMU co-eds.

  6. Puddin'Tane says:

    Southern Methodist University FEMALE sophomores.

    Jes sayin’.

  7. Eric Celeste says:

    OK, Nigel, for you:

    From Charlie Wilson’s War:

    Larry Liddle: Miss?

    Charlie’s Angel #1: Yes sir?

    Larry Liddle: It seems to me lookin’ around, that it’s almost all women workin’ here; and that they’re all very pretty. Is that common?

    Charlie’s Angel #1: Well… Congressman Wilson, he has an expression. He says uhh, “You can teach them to type, but you can’t teach them to grow t***.”

    Larry Liddle: Well, that’s… charming.

  8. Puddin'Tane says:

    And now it doesn’t matter whether you can “grow t***” because you can buy them!

    VISA: it’s everywhere you wanna B,C,DD…

  9. Dave:

    Suppose you’re a guy who fancies a drink now and then. And you find yourself in a nightclub surrounded by bottles, a clean glass with ice set up on the bar, and nobody minding the place. Do you complain, “Geez, I really wish there were more people here manning the cash registers”?

    It’s D, chum. You should be thanking your lucky stars.

  10. jrp says:

    that sounds a little like Jack Torrance walking into the ballroom of the Overlook Hotel…and the only one minding the till were the voices in his head

    all work and no SMU co-eds makes jrp a dull boy

  11. Daniel says:

    You set’em up, and I’ll knock’em back, Lloyd, one by one!

    [sheepish I-couldn’t-resist shrug]

  12. Jay says:

    Harrison is AWFULLY close to Garrison. IJS.

  13. Bethany says:

    In lieu of interns, maybe some of you can just get this:

  14. Puddin'Tane says:

    D may get all the female interns from SMU but my company gets all those hot male interns coming fresh out of the Cox School.

    (Think about that one.)

    Prefect place for a Cougar to help teach the business of business.


  15. Friday says:

    Let’s give DNKOTB (D New Kid On The Blog) a break. He comes from a pub where beauty is apparently not prevalent. He’s making a transition to the beautiful people of D World.

    BTW, I understand that D interns have to have B&B to be hired. . . not bed & breakfast. Think more like “beauty & brains.”

  16. Josh D says:

    *Packing my things*

    See you in three minutes. Four if traffic acts up.