Alibaster K. Abthernabther Responds

Earlier I questioned an apparent inconsistency from the A-Dog. He responds at length, as is his wont, after the jump.

Dear Adam,

Let me apologize for the delayed response. I have been a bit preoccupied as of late. These indecisive weather patterns certainly make for a rather tumultuous morning routine of selecting a suitable outfit for the day. But this is the least of my interruptions. What with the holidays approaching it seems that Abthernabther Manor has become a weigh station for unannounced guests; be they friends, family, business associates, or parole officers. I spent most of the day regaling these houseguests with mild conversation and wild gossip, occasionally engaging in a quick game of Dirty Win, Lose or Draw.

Then, just as the last visitor had made their leave and I assumed that I would find a moment’s peace in my own home, Merritt Patterson rang my doorbell. I opened the door myself since womanservant Reggie Part Two was busy administering a Brazilian wax to my pet ostrich. Without word or warning Merritt Patterson swiftly kicked me in the genitals then ran away. I was quite bewildered, yet mysteriously aroused.

But these happenstances are neither hither nor thither. To address your inquiry, I must say that your juxtaposition of my initial reprehension and subsequent usage of the phrase “instant classic” says many things about you. Firstly, you have the eye of an eagle. Not just any ratty old eagle. You are a proud majestic eagle that pees champagne and farts bubble gum. This is the type of high caliber eagle that reads my web log. Rarer than rare.

Secondly, you are as inquisitive as an owl, but just a standard owl that farts regular old gas and pees average urine. Let’s not get carried away with ourselves.

Thirdly, you have the femur of a yak. Not sure why. You just do.

I know that these animal comparisons, while remarkably insightful, do nothing to quell your stated confusion. Unfortunately, I’m not sure I can rectify this. You see, some things are simply ridiculous. Other things are riddles. Some other things are riddles wrapped in enigmas intertwined with a knock-knock joke infused with a brainteaser embedded in a puzzle entrenched in mystery and coated in the hard candy shell of the Audio Daily Double.

I hope this clears things up for you.

Very truly yours,
Alibaster Abthernabther

All well and good, but still no clarity on the Shrek the Halls vs. Fred Claus debate.

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Comments

10 responses to “Alibaster K. Abthernabther Responds”

  1. J says:

    Had to wait till the third paragraph for the obligatory scatological references. Unusual restraint, from AKA.

  2. Bill Kennedy says:

    Clearly, you both are patently, impossibly, ridiculous.

  3. Raul says:

    Adam,
    Can I hire you to pee champagne at my New Year’s Eve Party? I think that would go over very well.

  4. BP says:

    Raul,
    Consider this my RSVP to your previously sent party invitation: I decline.
    With Regrets, BP.

  5. buck says:

    “Weigh station”?

    Is that a Christmas version of a “way station”?

  6. Al says:

    Unfortunately, his (AKA’s) joke has worn quite thin.

  7. Kirk says:

    Zzzzzzzzzzzz

  8. Amanda says:

    Alas, Alibaster has indeed JUMPED the SHARK…

  9. GBzz says:

    AKA just threw in the towel. Good job, retards.

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