Monkey Claw Is The New Monkey Paw

Thanks to my disfigured Monkey Paw, I’ll never be cool. I can’t hold a BlackBerry so I won’t ever get to have surgery on my thumb from BlackBerry addiction. A press release from Dallas-based Rosewood Hotels & Resorts warns the world: “The BlackBerry has taken over the bodies and minds of business men and women across the country creating stress injuries such as “Blackberry thumb” and severe muscle tension in Blackberry users.” Stress not, for Rosewood has created The BlackBerry-Relief Massage which tackles the muscles most commonly strained from BlackBerries, laptops, and cell phones. That kinda ticks me off. I mean I’ve suffered through three surgeries for carpal tunnel and osteoarthritis and there is no status for my “Gateway Hand.” Instead, I’m labeled a Monkey Paw. But I can see what’s coming: Timmy goes under the knife after his thumb disintegrates from blogging his every move from his iPhone. After a two-week stay in the hospital, a sexual harassment lawsuit, and a giant raise to cover his medical bills, he returns to the office with a huge cast on his thumb. People bring him lunch. Martinis are hand-shaken and served promptly at 5PM. His hair grows back. To lose the use of your hands to typing is no big deal, but to be a thumbless BlackBerry/iPhone addict is divine. I’m sure a twelve-step recovery program will be announced as soon as BlackBerry can figure out how to turn a profit. Send.

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