Attack of the Heart Attack Grill in Dallas

If you look like this, you can sling burgers to 350-pound men. Or work at D Magazine.

Ladies and gentlemen, and I use the terms loosely, it is officially raining burgers in Dallas. The latest twist on ground beef between two buns is Heart Attack Grill from Phoenix. I would have thought yesterday’s press release a joke if I hadn’t passed the original location in Phoenix a couple of years ago.

Their motto? “Treating anorexia since 2005.” Their objective? “Always keeping the patient’s budget in mind, you’ll have the comfort of knowing that all your meals are absolutely free once you reach the 350 pound goal weight. Imagine the joy of knowing you’ve finally achieved something!” Their sales pitch? “Doctors agree that continually cycling body weight up and down is one of the very worst things a person can do to themselves. That’s why our program is focused upon keeping your weight in an extremely stable, gradual, and constant upward slope.”

Whatever. You won’t have to wait long to be served a Quadruple Bypass Burger®, an order of Flatliner Fries®, a Butterfat Shake®, and a Taste Worth Dying For®–they are opening a location on Market Street in Dallas in June.

Looking for a job? “Imagine earning a great salary while giving away free food to people who weigh over 350 pounds!”

I have a sense of humor but this kinda makes me sick. Check out their website and give me your opinion. Have they gone too far or am I officially a fuddy duddy?


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  • Emily

    If the picture of the burgers on their website look gross I can only imagine what they look like in person. You’re not a fuddy duddy, its lame.

  • I’m guessing they won’t have a vegan burger?

    Regardless, it’s disgusting and no, you’re not a fuddy duddy. I know it’s just a business and who’s to stop a business from making money, but it’s pathetic to celebrate the obesity epidemic, which is truly one of the contributing factors in the downward spiral of the country on multiple levels (hate to get all political up in here, but sorry).

  • cbs

    Sad really, but this place would do well in San Antonio.

  • I’m a full blooded carnivore- married to a carnivore and I find it revolting.

    It’s really, really gross. For some reason putting the doctor spin on it turns it from gross to disturbing.

  • CB

    The photos of the burgers and fries on their website are not appetizing.

  • FortWorthGuy

    If an obnoxious menu is the only problem, what is the difference between this place and that restaurant somewhere in Amarillo (I think that is where it is) that offers that hugemongous steak (32 oz or something like that) for free if you can eat the whole meal which includes salad and side dishes and drink. And that place is practically a Texas legend. At least at the hamburger place you can control the size of the meal.

    Two more things. People have an obsessive fear of lard when they really should not. I would go just for the candy cigarettes…did not know they still made those things.

  • Katrina

    The burgers/fries don’t even look that good? Looks like a bunch of gimmicky garbage!

  • gag me with a stick of butter

  • Kirk

    Next up from the same team: Cirrhosis In a Cup Tavern, and Cancer In Your Craw Cigar Bar.

    My pal H.L. said it first and best: “No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.”

  • Terroir

    I want the nurse (not the burgers) to give me a heart attack

  • Charm Offensive

    Market Street? Like in the West End? Good luck….

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  • Janice Denham

    Is this for real? Seriously? This doesn’t even sound real, sounds like a gimmick. This is not a grand opening that I will be driving to Dallas to attend. The food just looks nasty!

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