Somebody Help This Poor Girl: Emergency Edition

bad_girlI hate to overburden you people with work and I normally wouldn’t post two SHTPG items in one day, but this gal is in deep doodoo. Her tear-stained e-mail just arrived. She is miserable, help her off the ledge.

O.M.G. you guys, I totally forgot my boyfriend’s birthday. He is the kindest, gentlest, most giving man in the world and he just had to remind me that today is his birthday. To make things worse, this weekend he heard me planning a birthday party for one of my friends and he even loaned me the money to buy my friend’s birthday present. I feel like Jethro Tull’s heel. I need to pull off a miracle. I’ll do anything. Can your SideDish readers help me?

Make her hurt, peeps. How could anyone be so selfish and unthoughtful?


  • Brad

    I can think of about 100 things she could do, but 99 of them would be deleted for content issues.

    That said, I don’t think she’ll have problems with the dinner reservations – it’s Monday. She should just tell him she was planning on celebrating it the weekend after his birthday so they could have more time (3 day weekend for Labor Day) and not worry about the hangover.

  • Craig

    She should take him out to dinner at his favorite restaurant (that is open on a Monday), then wordlessly drive him to the Lodge and, after a handful of cocktails, buy herself a lapdance.

    Yes, you read that right.

  • hungry

    Maybe she could get him a new girlfriend for his birthday…one that remembers important things like the birthday of the guy you borrowed money from to buy someone else a bday present.

  • MP

    My first bit of advice would be to never use “O.M.G. you guys” ever again. Or refer to Jethro Tull as an actual person. Or borrow money from your boyfriend to spend on someone else, unless it be your mother, and she is in the hospital.

    Now that I write that, it is likely the boyfriend has already checked out….

  • TLS

    Girl, you know what to do. It’s just once a year.

  • Sander

    First, I don’t get the Jethro Tull reference. Is it to the seed drill dude or the band. Obscure either way.

    Second, well, not sure how you want us to help. Sounds like we’re all on his side ; )

  • Apologize.. if he at work. Clean up the house. Get it looking great. Do him a favorite and pick up his favorite meal from the restaurant and have it waiting for him… Get your best VS lingerie on and just stand there until he opens the door. And whatever he wants to do you better say yes.. cause you have FAILED.

  • The Burger King

    I have to agree with Craig, nothing says a great birthday like glitter and a prime rib.

  • Jane

    Two words.

    Charity. Beaver.

  • Scagnetti

    Wake him up tomorrow in that “special” way.

  • Craig

    It’s funny where all of our minds immediately went.

    Poor Girl’s boyfriend — if you don’t milk this for all its worth, we are going to be very, very, VERY disappointed in you.

  • luniz

    Craig’s idea is the best.

  • luniz

    She could also make him dinner, wearing only an apron & high heels.

  • Media Ho

    I forgot my bfs birthday one year and he never let’s me forget it. You will never live it down girl.

  • Media Ho’s Other Half

    Luniz and Craig–As a man I have to say, if I did this I would have to come up with a diamond or a car or something huge. I demand equal payback for faux pas. How can you forget a fucking birthday?

  • In any case, I suspect she will never forget his birthday again. And neither will he.

  • The Boy Friend

    She’s just not that in to me and I need to face that fact. She didn’t simply forget the birthday yesterday, she forgot it all month. Made no plans, didn’t think to look for a card or a gift, didn’t pick up on a number of hints (“I might have to work Monday night, do we have any plans?”). Suspecting a surprise party at lunch I said no more. Well, she just isn’t that in to me. She used to treat me like I walked on water. Yesterday evening I got a one line apology in an email, followed by a lecture about me being overly sensitive, feeling threatened and alienated. She’s just not that in to me. If you’d heard the some of the things she’s said to me over the last couple of months you’d say “dude, get a life – she’s not that in to you”. I had been singing “We Can Work it Out”; today’s tune is “For No One” (Beatles-Revolver).

  • Mark


    “Leaving never hurts as much as being left behind” RLK

    “It’s Over” Boz Skaggs

  • Jane

    @Boyfriend-She did you a favor. I am happily married and probably old enough to be your very naughty babysitter, however, I am sure that NN could set you up on a date with a cute intern from the DMagazine office who would be more than happy to help you blow out your candles.

    @ex- Girlfriend-you might find that when you forget monumental days of people you supposedly care about, that writing to a blog(no offense NN) for advice will get you the roasting you deserve. You, my dear, are a loser in more ways than one. Bless your heart.

  • Craig

    I guess she didn’t take my advice.