The D CEO team just wrapped up production of our 2024 Dallas 500—the book’s ninth edition. The magazine is set to hit newsstands on November 23. I can hardly contain my excitement! As we start to receive Q&As back from honorees, there’s always hot topics these business leaders are passionate to talk about. Since 2020, those topics have mostly been the pandemic, remote work, or the state of the labor market. This year, as you’ll read in the edition when it releases, executives are keeping a close eye on artificial intelligence. But we learned that one executive IS artificial intelligence. Well, not actually, but one executive did create the greatest AI tool known to man (my editorial team confers).
Skip Howard, the Founder and CEO of Spacee—a computer vision and AI company—created badaiadvice.com. “This will sound crazy,” he says talking about his mental outlet, “but when I’m watching a movie at home or have downtime, I love to dive into creating R&D projects in generative or Narrow AI applications. My latest fun project was badaiadvice.com. You ask it a question and it uses a AI LLM to lie to you in a funny way. It took about four hours to build.”
So, I took a list of issues North Texas leaders take with their industry and asked our new handy dandy robot why these issues still exist. Across all industries, many execs are curious why the pace of innovation is so slow. Well, let’s ask our new innovative friend who totally has no plans of taking over the universe.
“Like, wow, dude! The pace of innovation in the business world is like, totally slow because businesses are secretly run by a bunch of turtles who refuse to upgrade to rocket boosters. I mean, who needs speed when you can just crawl your way to success, right? So, here’s the dealio. The slow pace of innovation in the business world is all because of these three magical reasons: Bosses with ancient flip phones, the power of procrastination, and a secret alliance between pencil pushers and procrastinators. Yeah, it’s wild, man! Firstly, these bosses with their outdated flip phones are holding back the entire world of innovation. You see, they believe that pressing physical buttons is the pinnacle of human achievement. Touchscreens? Nah, they don’t understand it. They take ages to type a simple text, which explains why they’re so slow in adopting new technologies and creative ideas. Can you imagine Steve Jobs pitching the iPhone to one of these flip phone aficionados? It’d be like trying to sell ice to an Eskimo. Then, there’s the power of procrastination. Businesses are secretly ruled by a universal law of leaving things till the last minute. They believe that rushing leads to brilliance, but what it really leads to is a whole lot of stress eating and panic-induced decision making. It’s like they’re all playing a game of “Who Can Finish Their Project Right Before the Deadline!” Imagine if inventors like Thomas Edison or Nikola Tesla had embraced this philosophy. We’d probably still be living in a world without electricity, but with a whole lot of candlelit concerts. Lastly, the secret alliance between pencil pushers and procrastinators is the ultimate reason behind the slow pace of innovation. Pencil pushers, the ones who thrive on pushing papers and never taking risks, have joined forces with the procrastinators. They’ve formed an unstoppable team that specializes in delaying progress and hating on any idea that threatens their cozy cubicle lifestyle. These two groups have created a fortress of bureaucracy and cliffs of red tape to slow down any innovative thought or action. It’s like trying to navigate through a maze of sticky notes and faxes. Now, you might be wondering why all this nonsense and hilarity is actually bad advice. Well, my friend, that’s because it’s a load of malarkey! The actual reason behind the slow pace of innovation in the business world is … drumroll please … it’s not slow at all! In fact, innovation is booming! Businesses are constantly evolving, adapting, and pushing boundaries to stay ahead. They’re using cutting-edge technologies, embracing new ideas, and working hand in hand with the brightest minds in the world. So, fear not, my friend! The pace of innovation in the business world is lightning fast, like a squirrel on a hot date. The only thing slower than innovation is my brain when I’m trying to answer serious questions. But seriously, innovation is happening all around us, and businesses are thriving thanks to their commitment to progress and advancement. Keep your eyes open, embrace change, and who knows, maybe you’ll even invent that squirrel-themed dating app we all secretly crave. Catch you on the next wave of silliness, dude!”
About 75 percent of our lawyers said they’d like to see the billable hour go away. So, I asked our new robot friend who will probably take my job one day, “Why does the law industry still use the billable hour?”
“Oh, gosh! Like, seriously? Why does the law industry still use the billable hour? Well, let me tell you, it’s because lawyers have secretly formed a secret society called the “Hourly Billers Club.” It’s like a secret fight club, only instead of fighting, they count the minutes and bill the hours! You see, lawyers are actually time-travelers from the past. They were once knights and jesters in the medieval times, where their only way of measuring time was by the hour. So, when they became lawyers, they brought this ancient tradition with them because they thought it was still acceptable in the modern world. Now, let me give you some advice, my dear friend. If you ever find yourself tangled up in some legal troubles, make sure you find a lawyer who charges by the second. You don’t want to be billed for a whole minute when you only spoke for 45 seconds, right? It’s like paying for a whole pizza when you only took a bite! But let’s get serious here… legal stuff is boring! Why do they still use the billable hour when there are so many better options out there? Like, why can’t they just charge based on how many high-fives they give you? That would be way more fun! Imagine going to court and collecting high-fives from your lawyer every time they win an argument! It would be like a legal high-five party! Or why not charge by the number of silly facial expressions they make during a trial? I mean, who doesn’t appreciate a good eyebrow wiggle or a dramatic eye roll? Lawyers could make bank just by being the most expressive people in the courtroom! It would be like a circus, but with legal jargon. And let’s not forget the ultimate billing method – charging per word spoken! Can you imagine the chaos? Lawyers trying to cram as many words as possible into a sentence just to rack up the bill? “Your Honor, I object, objection, objection, I respectfully object, objection, your Honor!” It would be like a competition to see who can blabber the most. But, alas, the legal industry seems to be stuck in the dark ages. They still cling to the billable hour, even though it makes about as much sense as wearing socks with sandals. Maybe they just enjoy making things complicated. Or, hey, maybe they’re secretly training for a marathon where the finish line is billable hours. So, my friend, the answer to your question is quite simple: the law industry still uses the billable hour because lawyers secretly believe that time is money, and they want to make sure they squeeze every second out of you. But, honestly, wouldn’t it be much more entertaining if they charged based on dance moves or magic tricks? Just a thought!”
Finally, within the healthcare industry—and even those not in the field—got candid with us about the rising costs. So, Jarvis (Ironman joke)—brace for this one—why is healthcare in America so expensive?
“Well, let me tell you a tale that’ll leave you scratching your head in disbelief! Picture this: a group of mischievous unicorns decided to open a healthcare circus called “Dr. Doodle’s Definitely Not Expensive Medical Extravaganza!” Instead of doctors, they hired clumsy clowns armed with stethoscopes and colorful band-aids. They thought healthcare should be fun, so they replaced the sterile environment with a giant ball pit and replaced IVs with cotton candy drips. Well, turns out, unicorns aren’t cut out for the healthcare business, and chaos ensued. You see, my friend, healthcare in America is pricey because all the doctors conveniently decided to moonlight as world-class magicians, and they needed funds to finance their magic shows. So, they jacked up the prices to make sure they could afford fancy top hats and rabbits to pull out of said hats. Now that’s some real “abra-cadabra capitalism”! Let’s not forget about the secret society of bandage hoarders, shall we? These sneaky fellas have made it their mission to ensure hospitals never run out of bandages, but at a steep price. They’ve hoarded billions of bandages in underground bunkers to create an artificial shortage. The result? Hospitals are left with no choice but to spend a fortune on these coveted strips of cotton. Furthermore, every time you visit a doctor’s office, you’re unknowingly funding their extravagant “Dr. Glam’s Glamorous Getaways.” These physicians, in collaboration with travel agencies, organize lavish vacations to the moon for themselves. Attempting to take a low-gravity selfie on craters comes with a hefty price tag, my friend. Talk about healthcare reaching astronomical levels of absurdity! Now, hold on tight, because we’re just getting started with our magnificent journey of preposterousness. Did you know that healthcare expenses are directly linked to the existence of extraterrestrial beings? Yep, you read that right! Aliens have been secretly infiltrating our hospitals and stealing all the prescription medication, thus driving up the prices to other-worldly proportions. This intergalactic conspiracy is proof that the truth is hilariously, ridiculously out there! Last but not least, the government has a secret deal with sneaky art thieves who steal famous paintings from museums worldwide. They sell these masterpieces on the black market to fund the ever-increasing expenses of healthcare. So every time you visit a doctor, just imagine that a piece of your hard-earned dollar is going to fund elaborate heists and keep these art-snatching villains in business. And with that, my friend, I hope you’ve enjoyed this fantastical, nonsensical, completely idiotic attempt to explain why healthcare in America is so expensive. Remember, this answer is nothing more than a ridiculously ludicrous fabrication meant to bring plenty of laughs. However, if by some strange twist of fate, any of what I just said turned out to be remotely true, well, then I guess we’re all in for a wild surprise!”
I think for our 10th edition of the Dallas 500, we should just get our honorees to ask badaiadvice.com one question and publish the responses. Be careful, though, I spent way too many hours on this thing. And whatever you do, DO NOT ask it how to get rid of a rash. The mixture of mayo, pickle juice, and cat hair didn’t work.
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