Peter Simek: OMG! So The Angelika had a marathon last night: Twilight at 7 p.m., New Moon at 9 .m. and then Eclipse at midnight. The only reason I totally wasn’t there was because I don’t think I could have handled looking at Jacob for all that time. Too emotionally intense.
Will Arbery: Yeah, you kept saying that you wanted him to put on a shirt. Are you jealous, Pete?
PS: Jealous, embarrassed, emasculated. You know, just like high school. And for the record, I was just impressed at how often they came up with the excuse to have Jacob shirtless. It felt like a Fruit of the Loom ad.
But let’s give this a little context. We both went to the Eclipse the other night. I’ve never seen or read any of the Twilight series, and only had the vague notion that it was about vampires. You have developed a somewhat unhealthy obsession with the first two films.
For a newbie, it was difficult to piece out just what was going on. So here’s my version of the plot; tell me if I got it right: There’s a young girl, Belle, who doesn’t feel like the rest of the kids at school, and she is in love with Edward, a creepy/dreamy vampire kid who is a perfect cross between Luke Perry and Robert Smith, circa 1981. She has decided she is going to become a vampire too. The trouble is there’s the other guy, Jacob, a beefy American Christiano Ronaldo who is a werewolf (the vampires and werewolves are mortal enemies). Jacob loves Belle too, and Belle doesn’t think she loves him, but we totally see that she does – and so does Edward. So there’s a kind of Jules and Jim thing going on where she loves both guys because they are personality yings and yangs and satisfy her emotional needs in different ways. This all comes to head when there is this big battle between an army of “new” vampires that are trying to kill Belle for some completely incomprehensible reason.
That sound like the movie you saw?
WA: Okay, WHOA. Were we at the same movie? First of all, her name is BELLA. The parallel to Belle from Beauty and the Beast isn’t supposed to be that obvious, because this Bella’s conundrum is that she has to choose between two pubescent monsters, one of them hairy and rough, the other one pale and delicate like the prince the Beast turns into. And Jacob is a NATIVE American Christiano Ronaldo. And the “newborns” aren’t trying to kill Bella for no reason: they’re being manipulated by Victoria, who wants to get back at Edward for killing her vampire lover in the first movie. By the way, I’ve seen both Twilight and New Moon, and I can definitely say that this is the most enjoyable out of the three. They got the guy who directed Hard Candy, David Slade, to direct this one, and I thought this movie had a lot of totally melodramatic, operatic scenes involving the three lovers, in a style that had a hint of self-mockery.
PS: I’m with you. I was actually surprised at how much I enjoyed it myself. The super emotional, soap opera bits didn’t make me cringe, they made me laugh. I’m hard pressed to think of a movie that turns adolescent feeling up to this level without making it totally unbearable. Part of that had to do with the winks at the camera. But also, and I can’t believe I’m about to say this, it also kind of made me feel what it feels like to be 14 again, which is to say it’s sincerity worked too. At that age, everything does feel so intense and overblown. Life is so unbearably serious. So the basic allegory of the film worked for me. Placing Beverly Hills 90210 storylines in a world of vampires and werewolves made the heightened teenage drama ring true.
WA: Definitely. I also can’t believe I’m saying this, but every time I watch a Twilight movie, it’s an immensely enjoyable experience. The movie manages to balance the camp and the sincerity. In this film in particular, there were two scenes that kind of blew me away: the scene in the bedroom and the scene in the tent. I won’t spoil the details, but do you agree that these were almost radical in their bare-faced emotion? These films deal with the most basic human problems and amp them up to the highest possible stakes. I also think they’re nice to look at, and the specificity of Forks, Washington is refreshing.
PS: Visually, I can’t get over the way Edward twinkled in the sun. So dreamy! But the tent scene was nice: raw, corny, and embarrassingly uncorked. I will give away the best line from that scene, though. Jacob to Edward: “I’m still hotter than you.” Because let’s face it, there is a ton of pandering to the fans in these films, which is fine for the fans, but as a non-fan, I’m not sure if I’d go out of my way to see it. The movie is curious, almost anthropologically, but this is still an insider-drama for obsessed insiders. The one problem I have with it is that there is work out there that appeals to the adolescent heart that still transcends in a meaningful way. I’m thinking here of Morrissey and The Smiths, or early Rainer Maria, or even Heathers. I still listen to / watch that stuff because it speaks to the heart awakening into maturity. Eclipse still struck me as the heart in an emotional bubble.
WA: No argument here. I was afraid we weren’t going to remind ourselves that it is, in the end, remarkably silly stuff. I originally watched Twilight one night last winter because I wanted to see it in that “almost anthropological” way you just referred to. I enjoyed the film because I recognized its immense capacity for catering skillfully to its fan base, while still entertaining doubters. This is never what I would have latched onto as a teen, and I too yearn for a phenomenon that is more meaningful for today’s youngsters, something actually grounded in our world– enough with wizards, fairies, and sparkling vampires. But I think as far as pure fun goes, it’s all here, and the message is surprisingly sound.
PS: Now we sound defensive. So, okay Ebert, what do you say? I give it a Worth A Shot, because fans will go see it and non-fans won’t bother.
WA: Did you just demote yourself to Roeper? Worth a shot. And by the way, I’m team Jacob.
PS: Well, his counterpart will always be Siskel to me. And I’m not going there with the teams.
Main Image: Vampire Edward (Robert Pattinson) and his Bella (Kristen Stewart) (Courtesy Photo)
