Rick Perry and Barack Obama Meet to Talk Border

“I know how political things like this can get, so I just wanted to, you know, first off, I just wanted to say thanks for hearing me out on this.”

“Of course, of course. I know how important this is to you, so I, uhhh, wanted to hear your take. Of course.”

“Like I said, things like this can get political really fast, and I just hope that we can all keep our eyes on what’s important here.”

“Absolutely, Rick. Absolutely.”

“Now, I stayed up late last night, thinking about this, trying to figure out what’s best. Getting my list in order.”

“Your list?”

“Oh, man, Anita was getting pretty ticked. I thought I had it all figured out, and, you know, I was drifting off, just starting to have the Die Hard dream — do you ever have the Die Hard dream, Barry?”

“The — I’m sorry, what?”

“Come on, the Die Hard dream! A buncha terrorists make their move and you’re the only one that can stop them and you’re just like — pew pew pew pew, now I’ve got a machine gun, bambambambam, ho ho ho, adios, mofos. The Die Hard dream!”