Rick Perry Talks to Reporters About the State of His Campaign

"Governor Perry, after a strong start, your campaign has begun to falter in recent weeks. How would you characterize what has--"

"How you fellas doing today?"

"Um, pretty good?"

"Ah, that's great to hear. Anyway, you were asking me a question?"

"Um, yes, I ... I'm sorry, Governor Perry. I stopped writing the end of my questions a few press conferences ago. You know. With all the gunfire and everything."

"Well, that's OK. I actually had some questions for you boys."

"Oh ... OK."

"What the hell happened? I mean, seriously: what in the double GD dang happened?"

"Well, Governor, it's kind of--"

"I had this dang thing by the shorts, fellas. I'd already called my boot guy to see about getting a pair of ostrich skin with the presidential seal on 'em and my initials."

(sighs heavily)

"I just ... I don't know what to do. I really thought I played this the right way. Check this out."

"We need to show those jerks in WASHINGTON that's now how we do things in AMERICA!"

"We need to show those jerks in WASHINGTON that's not how we do things in AMERICA!"

"Pretty good, right?"

"That is ... you know, that's actually not bad."

"I know, right?"

"Hey, Rick -- sounds like you need someone to pray with."

"Easy, padre. I think you've done enough."

[muttering] "Don't come running to me when your campaign with Jesus is running into trouble."

(muttering) "Don't come running to me when your campaign with Jesus runs into trouble, too."

"What's that, Bob?"

"... nothing."

"Anyway, where was I? Oh, I mean, it's all making me think I should pack up guns and get on out of here."

"Anyway, where was I? Oh, I mean, it's all making me think I should pack up my guns and get on out of here."

"Rick, sorry to hear that. I was looking forward to battling it out with you over these next few months. But anyway, sure would appreciate your support."