Best & Worst

Once a year, we in the Best & Worst Department turn our backs on gray, in all its shades. It’s not easy. For one thing, we happen to look dashing in gray, especially when we pair our gray flannel slacks with something borderline risqué, like an all-cotton white button-down shirt and an argyle sweater vest. Then there’s that delicious Linda Gray. The world would hardly be tolerable if she weren’t in it. Don’t even get us started on Jennifer Grey. But in the Best & Worst Department, come January, there can be no gray. Or grey. There is only black and white. Good and evil. Best and worst. Every year we review the news events of the year prior, searching for evidence of the duality of nature and for stories about vibrators. And every year, Dallas does not disappoint us.You see, for every Jessica Simpson, there’s a Jabari. For every good Samaritan who pulls a boy from raging floodwaters, there’s a fire chief who’s an arsonist and who has a son who’s also an arsonist. And for every student who has perfect attendance, there’s a teacher who wants to have sex with him.  So enjoy this year’s Best & Worst, as off-color as it might be.

CRAZY HORSE: SMU coach Phil Bennett spits his bit.

Mustang Mania
BEST The SMU Mustangs football team snapped a 15-game losing streak—the second-longest in the country—when it beat San Jose State 36-13. After the game, jubilant fans tore down a goal post.
WORST Head coach Phil Bennett took exception to Texas Tech’s trying to run up the score at the end of a 27-13 Red Raider victory. Bennett stormed across the field to express his displeasure with the opposing head coach, triggering a three-minute brawl.

Bathroom Break
BEST The ladies’ bathroom at the newly opened Purgatory in downtown has quite a setup. A security guard watches the doorway. Inside, there are booths and a bar. And plasma screens show closed-circuit video from throughout the club, so you can scout the scene in comfort or check up on your date.
WORST When a gate malfunctioned at a Grand Prairie wastewater treatment plant, 50 to 70 million gallons of raw sewage backed up, then exploded through manholes, sending geysers 4 feet into the air.

Impersonation of an Ob/Gyn
BEST James North, 24, was stopped at a gas station when a pregnant woman in a nearby car needed his help. Said North: “She was trying to push, and I said, ’Don’t push!’ But as the paramedics were coming around the car, she pushed and the baby came shooting out, and I caught the baby like a football.”
WORST Thomas Patrick Remo of Ovilla advertised himself as an “independent MD” in the Dallas Observer, offering free gynecological checkups and “fantasy exams for couples.” He was given a four-year prison sentence for practicing medicine without a license.

School Spirit
BEST An escort named “Sunny” advertised her services on a web site with a photo that rankled TCU officials. In the picture, Sunny—who said she was a college student though not at TCU—was wearing a cheerleading uniform with purple trim and lounging on a TCU
sign. TCU threatened legal action, and Sunny removed the picture.
WORST Plano killjoy James Amick got sick of tearing down (technically illegal) school spirit posters on public property every football season, so he complained to district officials. Now all Plano senior highs have had to abandon the tradition.

“You’ve done a nice job decorating the White House.” —Richardson-reared chanteuse JESSICA SIMPSON, March 14, upon meeting Interior Secretary Gale Norton at the White House.

Dining al Fresco 
BEST Hippie-chick restaurant designer Ann Spicer has done quite a job transforming the patio of Little Havana into a jumble of corrugated tin, brightly colored lights, and neon palm trees. The romantic haven is a far cry from the other charmless street-side patios that line Lower Greenville Avenue.
WORST Primo’s patio expansion was inevitable: too many customers coveted one of the six tables available on McKinney Avenue. But the added space turned a prized conversation-conducive sipping spot into a mobbed margarita-fueled singles scene.

Rangers Fan
BEST John “Zonk” Lanzillo Jr. banged his drum at nearly every Rangers home game from 1986 to 2003, but the 70-year-old announced he was scaling back his attendance to spend more time with his family.
WORST Sachse landscaper Matt Starr, 28, bowled over 4-year-old Nick O’Brien in a scramble for a foul ball and then ignored fans as they chanted for him to give the kid the ball. The whole thing was caught on camera and became a national news story.

Way with Words
BEST Local businessman Chris Cree showed why he’s the highest-ranked Scrabble player in Texas. At the National Scrabble Championship in New Orleans, he set an unofficial record for points scored in a turn when he played the word “blowzier” across two triple-word scores, for 329 points. He placed fourth in the competition.
WORST When David Letterman asked Olympic gold medalist Carly Patterson about the resurgence of the U.S. women’s gymnastics team, the 16-year-old Allen resident told him, “Resurgence? I’m sorry. I don’t know what that means.”

Pyro-techniques
BEST Fire-baked pizzas and a fire-warmed patio have made Fireside Pies on Henderson Avenue the hottest spot on the hottest dining strip in town.
WORST Jimmy’s Food Store in East Dallas—a beloved gustatory landmark famous for Italian sandwiches, meatballs, cheeses, and house-made and imported meats—burned to the ground, leaving sausage-bereft Dallas food-o-philes in mourning.  

Computer Literacy
BEST More than 100 fifth- and sixth-graders in the Forney ISD received notebook computers loaded with textbooks and literary classics. The district spent $1,000 per computer and $500 per student on Internet services and maintenance.
WORST Garland police arrested nearly three dozen gang members, almost all of them high school students, after a street fight waged with baseball bats and shovels. The time and location of the fracas were arranged in an Internet chat room.

Food Facelift
BEST Benihana, formerly the vaudeville of the dining scene, has a reworked interior to reflect the more sophisticated fusion style of its expanded menu. The knife-wielding chefs still work the teppanyaki tables, but the South Beach palette and the Pacific Rim palate definitely make the place look younger.
WORST The new Austin-stone replacement at the McDonald’s on Lovers Lane has turned it into the most pretentious fast-food stop in town.

French Fries
BEST Caterer-turned-upscale restaurateur George Brown has turned a basic potato into a work of art. His julienned Kennebec potatoes are double-cooked, coated in truffle oil, and tossed in fleur de sel, transforming the mundane into the sublime at his Inwood Road restaurant, George.
WORST On the other hand, sometimes the mundane is tortured into the grotesque. At Jaxx Cafe in Addison, the short fried potato stubs are over-fried, squashed under a hunk of tenderloin, then drowned in a sea of brandy demi-glace that turns their crispness into slime. A tuberous tragedy. 
 
Inspirational Food
BEST The “gospel inspired” cuisine at the newly opened Tiki’s downtown is supposed to disprove the idea that “people who are saved don’t have fun,” and the Sunday buffet might be the best time a Dallas foodie can have for less than $15. The sublime combination of fried chicken and waffles definitely deserves a loud amen.
WORST Despite the near-religious experiences we’ve had in the fabulous bar, the food and service at Metropolitan are anything but inspired. Trying to serve edible food prepared in the downstairs kitchen to people seated in the upstairs dining room leaves the diner in purgatory.

“Sean’s going to have a few—no disrespect to the Orientals, but—what we call ’Jap plays.’ Okay? Surprise things. [pause] No disrespect to anyone.” —Cowboys coach BILL “BIG TUNA” PARCELLS, June 7, describing the approach his assistant Sean Payton takes to calling plays in practice.

Granny in  the Slammer
BEST Highland Park’s Harriette “Dotty” Kelton, 97, became a national sensation and went on the Today show after she was arrested, cuffed, and jailed for an outstanding warrant for failing to pay a traffic ticket.
WORST White Settlement resident Hazel Yost, 83, was arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after she brandished a .38-caliber revolver loaded with five hollow-point bullets at strangers on her property. The strangers were watching a parade.

Size Matters
BEST Newly opened Little Katana Sushi Bar outside of Macy’s at the Galleria is a six-stool spot where the fish is fresh and flavorful. Sure beats the food court.
WORST We like as much bang for the buck as the next diner. But at McKinney’s Big Daddy’s, the nauseatingly huge Frisbee-size 1.5-pound beef patty smothered with a half-pound of cheese is not so much bang as bust. 
 
Gay Polling >>
BEST Led by Don Sneed, the Dallas-based Abe Lincoln Black Republican Caucus (a group of young, urban, black, gay Republicans) endorsed George W. Bush for re-election.
WORST The Irving-based Boy Scouts of America sent an official request to Rep. Barney Frank for his support. In refusing that support, Frank said, “I am a gay man, which according to your policy as I read it in various court decisions, means that I am neither ’morally straight’ nor ’clean.’”

Traveling Chef
BEST Chris Ward took a month off from his duties at the Mercury Grill, Paris Vendôme, and Citizen to apprentice in the kitchen of Taillevent, the ne plus ultra of French gastronomy. The best chefs are perpetual students. We can’t wait to taste what he’s learned.
WORST Matt Antonovich skipped town in July 1999, abruptly closing the lauded Antonovich’s Tuscan Steakhouse. He resurfaced this year to partner with Ron Corcoran to revive the tired Sipango, where he was the founding chef. But before the fat hit the fire, Antonovich was gone again, leaving Corcoran with a load of bull.

Punny Headline in the News
BEST Texas Rangers reliever Frank Francisco responded to heckling from Oakland A’s fans by hurling a chair into the crowd and breaking a woman’s nose. The headline: “The Seat Hits the Fan.”
WORST A Sunnyvale schoolteacher used an experiment involving a cigarette and the classroom’s pet hamster to illustrate the effects of smoking. The headline: “Where There’s Smoke There’s Ire: PETA seeks the rodent less travailed, so teacher’s anti-tobacco lesson gets snuffed.”

 << Professor of Love
BEST During his first lecture as a communication law professor at UT Arlington, Ronnie Robert Molina showed up 30 minutes late, then wept as he discussed his sexuality and the devil. According to Molina, he “was just taking a humanistic Christian approach to the class.”
WORST Police said road rage drove SMU law professor Jane Dolkart to run down business lawyer Tommy Thomas as he cycled at White Rock Lake. Four months prior, Dolkart had hit two law students who were walking in a crosswalk; she said the sun was in her eyes.

Gustatory Grappler
BEST Blue Mesa Grill owner Jim Baron took third place in the World Freestyle Wrestling Championship in the Czech Republic. His wife Liz says the 50-something thrill-seeker, who is No. 3 in the world in his class, has been “impossible to live with” since his victory.
WORST Notoriously late bill-payer and restaurateur Gino Nikolini knew it would be impossible to operate his business without electricity. When TXU showed up to cut off the service at Organicity, punches were thrown, and Nikolini was arrested.

Dude, Looks Like a Lady >>
BEST Sam Walls’ chances in the GOP primary runoff for the House District 58 seat turned sour after pictures of him in drag surfaced. Despite pressure from his party, the 64-year-old businessman did not withdraw from the race (nor did he win).
WORST Braulio Hernandez of Bedford was arrested for shooting at his date when he discovered the woman he took home from a Dallas bar was actually a man. Hernandez’s date fled the apartment but returned a few minutes later to retrieve her purse—at which point Hernandez again opened fire.

Attendance
BEST Shawn Wingrove graduated from Hillcrest High School with high honors—and a perfect attendance throughout his school career.
WORST After Balch Springs voters recalled four City Council members, Mayor James Kelsey refused to swear in their replacements. Then he lost his seat for missing too many meetings. The whole mess left the Council without a quorum and unable to operate.

Harvey News
BEST The cool kids mourned the loss of the XPO Lounge. But they have found sanctuary at the wonderfully quirky Lee Harvey’s, a dive bar in the Cedars with a great jukebox, dicey surroundings, and a fire pit.
WORST Hamburger grouch Harvey Gough pulled up his statue of Lenin, took down his Saddam Hussein flags, and left his post on Lovers Lane to serve his Goff’s hickory burgers in fancier digs near SMU at Hillcrest and McFarlin.

Working in Skivvies
BEST Andrew Moody, a student at Dallas’ Westminster Seminary, became the subject of TV news stories in Utah and Idaho after he angered Mormons by selling “temple garments,” aka Mormon underwear, on eBay. He bought them for $5 from an official Mormon site, then resold six pairs for $20 each.
WORST Charged with burglary, forgery, and theft, Dallas County inmate Tony Lemmon escaped from the Susan Kays Detention Facility and roamed the Trinity River bottom in nothing but his jail-issue pink underwear. He was later found under a bed in a trailer house in Quinlan.

“I am not angry for no 25,000 funky dollars.” —County Commissioner JOHN WILEY PRICE, August 3, during a commissioners meeting that developed into shouting. News reports had him uttering a different two-syllable word that beings with “f,” but Price swore he said “funky.”

Political Support
BEST Red Oak Mayor Todd Little told police he was not pulling up campaign signs of City Council candidates he didn’t favor. Yes, it was 1:20 a.m. Yes, there were signs near Little’s car that had been pulled up and damaged. But Little said he was “merely placing signs back in the ground.”
WORST When 30-year-old political newcomer Mike Murphy ran for the District 4 congressional seat on the GOP ticket, he got calls from the National Republican Congressional Committee urging him to drop out. (Their favored candidate was a party switcher, a move the GOP wanted to encourage.) Said one official: “You don’t want to have the freakin’ president of the United States mad at you for the rest of your life.”

Finger Food
BEST Downtown’s Obar has introduced Manicure & Martini Mondays. Every Monday evening, from 5 to 9 p.m., patrons pay $20 for a martini of their choice and a manicure.
WORST The State Fair of Texas has spawned some of the most challenging finger food in the world, from the corny dog to the tornado tater to the fried Twinkie. But even the most finicky pinky-crooker would lose her French tips trying to eat this year’s Fair highlight: the gooey fried Snickers.

Burning Sensation
BEST On September 21, the North Fort Worth Historical Society threw a party to celebrate a 40-watt light bulb that has burned continuously since September 21, 1908.
WORST Fire officials believe William Vaughn, 28, accidentally set himself on fire as he torched his rental home in Tarrant County. He was pronounced dead on the scene.

Key to Success
BEST Yvonne Ewell Townview Center graduate Carolina Villatoro won the keys to a new car as the grand prize in a nationwide essay contest sponsored by Ford Motor Co.
WORST Cockrell Hill City Councilmember Adabelle Rodriguez was arrested for throwing her keys at Councilmember Miriam Rodriguez (no relation) during a Council meeting. Adabelle said Miriam provoked the attack by spitting at her.

Big Game Hunter >>
BEST Cody Mullennix caught a record-breaking 121-pound, 8-ounce blue catfish in the waters of Lake Texoma.
WORST Dallas police needed three shots to take down a 300-pound gorilla named Jabari after he escaped from the Dallas Zoo and attacked several people.

Idle Threat
BEST Bedford City Council candidate and chiropractor Chad Clawson told the cop who pulled him over for speeding: “You did a crooked thing, and I promise you, when I get elected to the City Council, I am going to remember that.” (Clawson lost the election, mustering just 7.8 percent of the vote.)
WORST When Grand Prairie police apprehended former Jackson, Mississippi, police officer David Moore, he told them he was Dallas’ police chief. Furthermore, he said, “I’m going to make sure I get your house, your kids, and everything you own by the time I get done with you! I’m going to make sure you are ruined.”

Junk in the Trunk
BEST Marilyn Vanzant said she was abducted, shot in the hand, and forced into the trunk of her car. But she later admitted that she had never been kidnapped, and the gunshot wound was self-inflicted. Garland police officer Joe Harn said, “She knew who her attacker was. It was herself.”
WORST Southlake residents Bree Hansard and Rebecca Watson, a dancer and a waitress at a topless club, respectively, were found in the trunk of their car at a Lake Worth boat ramp. They told police they’d been abducted. Then they recanted, saying the kidnapping was a hoax. Then they un-recanted, saying they’d claimed it was a hoax only because they were hung over from doing methamphetamines and hydrocodone and “just wanted to go home.”

Handling of an Organ
BEST The North Texas Chapter of the American Theater Organ Society got a court order to save the Lakewood Theater organ from neglect. The 76-year-old organ is the only one of its type in public use in North Texas and was originally housed in the Old Mill Theater on Elm Street.
WORST Prisoner David Wayne Jones, a former YMCA camp counselor who admitted to molesting more than 40 boys, underwent voluntary castration to stem his sexual urges.

Tool for the Homeless
BEST Dallas joined a list of cities in which the nonprofit Community Voice Mail project offers free voice mail for homeless people to get messages from potential employers, social service agencies, and relatives.
WORST Mayor Laura Miller named Tom Dunning the city’s “Homeless Czar” in a news conference in the Flag Room at City Hall. (It was not immediately clear whether Dunning himself would have to become homeless in order to begin his autocratic rule over the homeless.)

Party People
BEST Criminal Courts Judge Faith Johnson threw a party in her courtroom—complete with balloons, streamers, and a cake—to welcome a former fugitive back to justice. Billy Wayne Williams had fled a year before, after he choked his girlfriend into unconsciousness.
WORST When a graphic artist working on a flier advertising Hanukkah items at Party City left his computer unattended, a co-worker with the initials C.C. pulled a prank on him. Thousands of North Texas homes got the flier, which read in big, bold letters: “CC Hates the Jews.”

Petered-out Protest
BEST When the County Commissioners Court appointed four white men to the Parkland Memorial Hospital board of managers, Rev. Peter Johnson organized more than 20 protesters to go to the court and express their frustration. One problem: the commissioners had taken a rare vacation on the day of the protest.
WORST Dallas has the worst crime of any major city in America, so a public forum was held at City Hall for citizens to voice their opinion about the performance of the Dallas Police Department. Only seven people showed up.

Sushi Tsunami
BEST Sushi continues to roll along as the biggest trend in Dallas. Raw fish is even replacing shrimp cocktails as the piscine protein at newer steak restaurants. Newly opened Chaucer’s Steak House manages to pull it off with chefs from Nobu presenting pristine sashimi and rolls in a sophisticated atmosphere.
WORST But the wave needs to stop now that the Latin-inspired Samba Room decides to pair mojitos with spider rolls in a weak attempt to please everybody. What’s next? Cabrito sushi?

“Greek bitch.” —former ABC Channel 8 morning anchor SCOTT SAMS, circa early April, reportedly referring to traffic gal ALEXA CONOMOS during a rancorous staff meeting, thereby earning himself a three-day suspension. He was later dismissed, after 19 years with the station; management said it had decided “to go in a different direction.”

Hair-raising Scheme
BEST A group of Girl Scouts gathered at St. Mark’s Catholic Church in Plano to donate their hair to Locks of Love, which makes wigs for cancer patients. The girls donated a total of 1,123 inches of hair.
WORST Joedell Newton, 22, of Fort Worth snatched the hair extension off the head of his 16-year-old friend. Clowning around, he wore the hair as his own ponytail, then made a mud pie with it. The girl went home and told her mom. When Newton knocked on their door, the girl’s mother shot him to death.

Carrying a Big Stick
BEST Texas Rangers second baseman Alfonso Soriano was the leading vote-getter for the Major League Baseball All-Star Game. He did not disappoint his fans, hitting a three-run homer and earning MVP honors.
WORST School officials at Diamond-Hill Jarvis High in Fort Worth suspended Cory Henson, a member of the JV baseball team, for four days after they found an 8-inch wooden bat in his car. Under a zero-tolerance policy, the mini bat constituted an illegal club. But the full-size aluminum one in his trunk was okay.

Grocery News
BEST Downtowners will soon have their first supermarket. The 20,000-square-foot grocery store, tentatively called Urban Grocers, will occupy the first floor of the Interurban Building and should be up and running in June.
WORST Minyard’s at Preston Forest closed. Not only that, but sisters Liz Minyard and Gretchen Minyard Williams, co-chairwomen and co-CEOs, and their cousin Bob Minyard sold the 72-year-old Dallas-based chain to Acquisition Vehicle Texas II.
 
 << Italian Stallion
BEST Alberto Lombardi, father of Dallas Italian food, hit his stride again with Taverna on Armstrong Avenue. The happening crowd, great patio, and fine food at reasonable prices hark back to the original Lombardi’s. The place has proved so popular that Lombardi is planning an expansion.
WORST Veteran chef Rino Brigliadori rocked our palates when he opened North Dallas’ Modo Mio in 1996. When he sold that fave, we backed his next effort, Rino’s. But now, all bets are off. Rino’s has closed, leaving a hole in our heart for his fine Italian cuisine.