T Minus 2 Days Till Commencement of The Great Tuxedo Challenge of 2012, Brought to You by Patron XO Cafe

DawnThe Great Tuxedo Challenge starts Wednesday. For the entire month of August, with help from Al’s Formal Wear, I’ll don a tux. Wednesday’s high should be about 107. This gives me great concern, and it gives Zac a giddy grin. Before we begin, I’d like to thank Dawn Brown at Al’s on Oak Lawn (pictured). She has given the challenge no small amount of consideration and picked out for me the most suitable tux for the occasion (microfiber shirt, a lightweight super 110 coat and pants). I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t a little worried about how this gag is going to go. I hope Zac and the rest of you sadists enjoy yourselves.


  • TLS

    You also need a daily Prom theme-song. Like “Time after Time” or “Forever Young”.

  • TLS, good idea! “I’ll Stand By You” (The Pretenders) was my prom song.

  • Wes Mantooth

    Because it’s so awful but era-appropriate for Tim, I nominate Rick Springfield’s “Human Touch.” Horrible even by Rick Springfield standards.

  • towski

    Ok, I get that there is a one hour exercise exemption. Therefore, I’d like to formally invite Tim to join me for old man hoops at the downtown Y. We typically play from about 6-8, so I look forward to seeing him have to go change midway through. Patent leather lace-ups are devastating in the low block.

  • towski

    That’s AM by the way.

  • Ket

    I like the sponsorship. If I may paraphrase Homer:

    Patron: The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.

  • Daniel

    Great idea, TLS.

    I nominate Roxy Music’s “Avalon.” Every time Tim walks in the door, that song should kick in as he goes to his desk, sharpens red pencils, frowns at the printer’s proof through a little round magnifying glass, etc. It will add a Brat Pack-movie subtext: Despite his valorous attempts to carry on, go about his business, bury himself in his work as the yearbook editor (at midnight on a Saturday — sure!), his heart was broken when the girl left with Judd Nelson earlier that night. But we know he’ll get her back. But we can’t be 100 percent sure. But we kind of suspect so. And then when Tim puts down his magnifying glass, abandoning the ruse, broadly essaying a “wistful” look and sighing meaningfully, yeah, we’re pretty positive he will.

    There’s some mercy extended to Tim in this musical selection, as it’s not actually too bad and it’s not really mawkish. It is very unmistakably a product of the 1980s, though.

  • Eric Celeste

    Back the eff off of RS, @Wes Mantooth. What, YOU don’t need the human touch? We ALL need the human touch.

  • Amy S.

    I’d like to see video of you, Zak and the tux in the casinos of Shreveport.

  • Eric Celeste

    And Zac, why are you letting Tim act as though he was reluctant to do this? He could not have been more excited when you two and Mooney discussed it. “A month in the spotlight? And I’ll look awesome? I SEE NO DOWNSIDE!”

    • @Eric Celeste: Point of fact: Mooney had nothing to do with the original tuxedo hypothetical conversation. And the downside is Wednesday’s predicted high of 107 degrees. That said, hell yes. With a little help from Patron XO Cafe, this should be fun.

  • MT

    Don’t make me regret this. Go Batfaces!

  • Amy S.

    This screams for a flash mob. Somewhere air conditioned.

  • Blake

    This is the first time ever that I’m looking at August 5-day forecasts and saying “108. Yesssssssss!”

  • RAB

    Remember that you agreed to mow my yard. 100 bucks. You supply the mower and gas.

  • Tim, your good friends at Patrón XO Cafe have asked me to remind you that you can place the necessary accent mark above that letter “o” by hitting Option+E, followed by the O key on your Mac keyboard.

  • DLP

    When will the first picture be posted? Good luck Tim!

  • Eric Celeste

    True, but Mooney was at the 110-degree shave joint where it was discussed in greater detail, to the point where the outline of the challenge was all but finalized. (For example, the “you can take off the tux for a marital nooner” clause was agreed upon there.)

    And don’t get me started on much Patron XO will add fun to this endeavor. Patrón is the world’s No. 1 exporter of 100 percent Agave tequila, but Patrón is still produced in small batches for high quality. Each bottle is carefully hand inspected at every stage for shape, volume, clarity, and beauty, looking for any imperfections. Fourteen distinct criteria are used to assure quality. Each one is then individually washed in tequila before it is filled. This sets the proper environment to receive the ultra premium Patrón Tequila. The bottle was designed to be a piece of art, fit to hold the world’s finest tequila. Workers individually label, hand tie ribbons, and wipe the bottle free of dust. The final product is then cradled in paper and boxed before it is sent around the world to be enjoyed by tequila enthusiasts. Each hand-numbered bottle is absolutely unique and perfect as it leaves the Hacienda. That’s how you make liquid fun, my friend.

    • @Eric Celeste: Some tiny details were worked out there, yes, but the bulk of it was handled a couple of days prior, at the office and our off-site breakout area.

    • @Eric Celeste: Yes! NOW you’re on the trolley! When next you’re in town, I promise you all the Patron XO Cafe you can responsibly stomach.

  • Wes Mantooth

    I think that, in the name of mercy, Tim should be given the option of velvet smoking jacket, velvet pants, and cravat on Fridays. Also in the name of further shenanigans.

    @Daniel: Avalon is a good call. I would also have accepted “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and The Waves, just for the preposterous mental image of tuxedo-clad Tim dancing to it constantly while walking down the halls, John Hughes 80’s movie-style.