SKIP THIS POST UNLESS YOU CARE ABOUT GOLF AND RED PANTS

The media tournament for the EDS Byron Nelson Nelson Championship went down this morning. Yrs trly played. Let’s jump:

The format was a shotgun-start shamble. My foursome, in order of handicap: former Salesmanship Club president Frank Houseman (5), Avid Media president Craig Rosengarden (6), me (20), and SPORTSpage editor Scott Boyter (“high as it goes”).

We started on 16, perhaps the easiest hole on the TPC course at the Four Seasons. And we fired up a bogie. Not good. On 18, Scott and I both put our drives into the new water feature on the left side of the fairway. Craig’s hot sports opinion: at the tournament, you won’t see a single ball go into that water. Many pros will be able to fly it; those who can’t, won’t miss the wide fairway. (Craig also thought the greens weren’t in very good shape. But he’s a member of the Four Seasons, so he can say that.)

Anyway, things improved once we got to hole No. 1. Not to brag, but I am unstoppably, amazingly awesome, and I destroyed No. 1 real hard with my golf clubs and my sweet, clean golf strokes. Not only did we play my monster tee shot, but I knocked down a 75-foot putt for a natural birdie.

Having spent my golf juice on that hole, though, I proceeded to shank nearly all my drives and three-putt with wild abandon. But having Scott’s high handicap on par 3s was a big help. And having Frank and Craig helped, too. They are good golf men.

We turned in a 59, which tied us for first with a foursome that included Joe Trahan and Justin Farmer. So it went to a tie-breaker. Scores for the back 9 were compared; still a tie. Final six holes; also still a tie. Final four; and we’re still triple tied. So they used the hardest hole on the course (forget which it was). Alas, they had birdied; we’d bogied. Victory went to the bad guys. (Stupid TV tools. They had nicer teeth, too. And when we left, I noticed they had much nicer cars.)

The TV tools won a trouble club and fancy trophy for their efforts. Each member of our second-place foursome got a boss 3-wood–again, thanks to the fine work of Messrs. Houseman and Rosengarden. The third-place team (which included Chuck Cooperstein, rumored to be “the slowest golfer on the planet”) took home umbrellas.

And what about the goodie bags, you ask? Yes, there were goodie bags: golf shirt, towel, tees, Byron media guide, lots of tissue paper.

Thanks to the Salesmanship Club, the Four Seasons, and EDS. A good time was had by all media. The Byron is May 7-14. I understand a very limited number of tickets are still available.

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